Most of my past connections quickly became girlfriends and, soon after, cheaters.

There was this one girl I met at the bar about a month after my wife left. Tall, attractive blonde, divorced. She found the fact I was ignoring her irresistable and we danced and chatted until the bar closed.

I tried to get away without exchanging numbers, knowing I wasn't ready for even the most basic human interactions. I explained my circumstances to her and her best friend, who leaned over and comically whispered "he might have issues!" before forcing me to give up my phone number.

We texted back and forth the next morning but nothing ever happened beyond that.

I really need some better stories.

No what if's here as it turned out the way God intended it for me. There were some opportunities past up, but since they were indeed past up, I will never know if it was a good or bad thing to do so. So why dwell about it.

I had a what if person from 14-16 years earlier whom I met last May. After my decree I hope to find out What IF

I had met another what if person in 1995 after 13 years of not seeing her.. after a few conversations with her I was sure glad there was no IF there !

leave it as is

without a doubt i would start again...
I lost the best man in this world....

I agree..this is a tough one..


I had many good memories with Robb (stbx)...but then again, I wonder what life would've been like with the dude I dissed to be with Robb...humm...


I can't answer this question to be honest with you..

My biggest regret was not getting a dog sooner!

Mark

Looking back, it seems that all my X's had some form of baggage or another.LOL. Maybe I'm just hung up on Troubled Women.

I am still friends with my what if person, and I am glad we never did. He is a great guy, and I value his friendship. If things had been different, we probably wouldn't still be such great friends.

i think i would go back intime, i didnt have any kids with stbx. although we did have a lot of great memories i could have had them with someone who valued me and valued marriage.

Thank you all so much for your replies. So many of you make really good points, and yet, I am still torn.

I have the chance - obviously - that's why there is a post talking about this.

I found my what if person (and I known him for almost 18 years, longer than almost everyone in my life). He has always been around, coming in and out of my life at various moments to make wonderful memories. He has always been a great guy, and from what we've talked about so far, he is still.

I am so torn as to whether or not I want to meet up with him again - the sound of his voice yesterday brought butterflies to my stomach and made me smile for hours - do I really want to take the chance of ruining that?

And yet, I really do think of him as the man I should have been with years ago.

Anyone here a shrink?

Very very good thread.

At the time I was first seeing my stbx, I was good friends with a girl named Kay that I worked with. We really liked going out to lunch and talking etc. But we were both in relationships and stayed off the personal feelings.

Then she broke up with her ex, and she seemed really willing to open up our relationship. I was very much as in love with her I think as I was my stbx, if not more. But my stbx was just a kid still (19) and my son had grown really fond of her; so I decided to stick it out and get engaged.

Now I wonder what Kay is doing, and how things may have been so different with her.

But like my now defunct marriage, you know it just doesnt do any good to live in the past anymore.

It does give me hope though, that someone like Kay is still out there for me.

Yes, I have one person in particular that if I had to do it all over again I would have pick him. He was madly in love with me -- I loved him but was too young to know what I wanted. To this day I still ask myself "what if" he had been in my life when I had gotten older and could appreciate what he had to offer. He is still a friend but lives on the other side of the country.

Leave it in the past. My What If contacted me shortly after my divorce. He has been the only man I've dated since my divorce, but he is now an X. We dated for almost 2 yrs before I found proof that he was cheating on me with 2 OW, one was a long term GF he'd been with 9 yrs. It took me a while to realize the man I remembered and the man he was now were 2 different people. I didn't know how much he had changed. He is a liar, cheater and has no respect for woman now. He wasn't that way in the past. He choose to change and become a miserable person. It just took my heart a long time to realize what my head was telling me. I couldn't believe he would treat me this way since we had been so close years ago.

I haven't spoken to him in months now and out of the blue he called me this past weekend. One of the things I told him was that I wish he had never contacted me after my divorce. All of the horrible things I went through with him in the more recent past tarnished all of the wonderful memories I had from long ago. I would have rather held onto the cherished memories and not feel the disgust I feel for him now.

Think about it very carefully before going back to the What If...people change over time and it may not be for the better.