Yah...no body dates anymore. It's all about hooking up. Empty empty empty. Maybe the economy has something to do with it. No one has any money AND they have to pay child support to boot. Good luck hun, OH AND STAY AWAY FROM THE EX! I'D SLAP YOUR HAND IF YOU WERE HERE. LOL

I agree with Misred--nothing good is going to come of a FWB situation with your ex.

Next time you're tempted, get on DS instead.

Hugs! Dealing with the loss of intimacy is one of the difficult parts of divorce.

I am soooo out of the loop with the dating thing after 12 yrs with the same person. We have been separated for months. I'm not sure if it's that I feel like a fish out of water or that I somehow feel that I should still be faithful to her until after the divorce. Not all us men are sex fiends and creeps. I just miss female companionship (as in friend). I feel so uncomfortable with how everyone has their shields up nowadays.

I feel profoundly weak and pathetic, I just want to feel close to somebody, also the physical release. My body post two babies is scary, and I'm not comfortable at all being naked in front of a stranger. Honestly I know a number of single mothers who have remained single now for years. It scares me that I'm going to have to acclimate to a sexless existence. I always had a physical chemisty with him and am used to touching him, wrapping my arms around him when he's doing dishes, snuggling up to him when he's sleeping. He's been trying to be very sweet lately, but then this other person pops out. He started in on how he doesn't think he likes women at all, that we're all the same materialistic, big-dick obsessed skanks. Again I realize he's got WAY too many issues, and will never fundamentally change. I'm not even sure I can change. I'm trying, really, to quit drinking and be a better mother, but I had too much beer last night and hae myself today. Real change is hard.

I hear you PinkArizona, but really you won't respect yourself if you go there with the EX. He is an EX for a reason. People come in all shapes and sizes. I cringe at the thought of revealing my stretch marks to anyone someday too, but I hope that if and when that day comes he will be so into me that he won't see them. Besides...they are my tiger stripes. Roarrrrrr LOL

If you need to hook up....get bob. At least that's what the female members here do...

well that's what they said....

really....

just sayin'

Yeah, would agree. Intimacy is what I miss. Nt sure what FWB is though. Guess I'm showing my age. I'm like Misred, will be hard to be with someone else, but don't want to be alone rest of my life. If your ex did that stunt to you about telling your father and child, he isn't worth having. Kick him to the curb and leave him there.

I think bob is nice...he never talks back and listens, never argues or insults you, never cheats on you and is always at attention when you need him.

You've got some great advice here PinkAzorza. I would add that you will feel bad & lose respect for yourself if you're with Ex, IMO. He sounds like a real jerk. We all need more self respect now not less. I'm afraid you'll start a downward spiral. Bob is a great idea for now at least! He's always respectful and patient! :) You'll get used to less intimacy but not in a bad way. Then you can decide & choose on your own terms & build self respect. Being alone for awhile let's you figure out what your own terms are. I'm in the same boat in that I'm craving the intimacy but I know how devastating the regrets feel. Maybe you could "hook up" with someone online who's a very safe distance away. NO identifying info & NO meeting up.

Hang in there. I get irritated hearing this but it's so true.... time is a great healer.

(((hugs)))

Oh btw I've been out of the dating thing for 20yrs & can't imagine being naked with someone new but I have no intentions of being alone forever either. I love what MisRed said about him being so into you he won't even see....

I don't know if this helps at all, but I have no interest in hooking up, but will date again in a few years. I plan on not getting sexual with potentials till 3 months of dating.
I've talked to other men and women who feel the same way I do.
I have also had a couple of offers, but have turned them down.
Not interested.
So your not alone.

I'll echo what most have said about sex with an ex - it may be a quick fix, but all the reasons for the breakup remain. The need for intimacy is human - we all need to be touched, but the touch from a dysfunctional ex will do more harm than good.

As far as your self image goes, when a good one comes around, he'll see all the things about you that you can't. Trust me on this.

Well I am the man in a relationship where the wife wants little or no intimacy, and that is one part of my inner make-up that has been withering for years. I miss having someone want to put there arms around me. And for the women here: If the New Guy (or old) is really a good guy, the way you look naked does not matter to his heart! Getting fitter is good for your body, mind and soul, especially during these times of struggle, but dont obsess on it. And I hope that if I am ever able to be on the dating scene, and I get to the point of being naked with a woman, that the woman wont think less of me for the older, excuse me mature body that I have. There are a lot of good friends here on DS if you feel you need a little support at a time your feeling a little frustrated and lonely

Thank you for all the advice. I guess I'm glad that he was so nasty that it completely killed it for me to want him. I don't think he even sees what a jerk he's been. He feels completely justified having the affair as he "tried to warn me" that he was unhappy. It's hard to work out a seperation when we were both broke already. I have to leave at 5:45 am (starting Oct) for nursing clinicals, and he doesn't have a place as there's really no money for it. He stays at a friends who gave him a room, but it's no place for children. He comes here when I have school to watch them, which makes it uncomfortable when he hangs around when I return. I'm nervous about counting on him for these early mornings, as he already will sleep in and take our kindergartener in when HE feels like it. He also commented that now he's so depressed (didn't care when I was), and tried to kill himself the other night. He's on vicodin and prozac and klonapen - which makes him seemingly more unstable. I realize it's not my place to try to save him, but I also realize that he may very well do something profoundly stupid and it would devastate our children. I also found out he had unprotected sex with this other woman, claiming she's "safe", but also that her boyfriend was cheating on her. He's been driving crazy (105mph), passed someone in a turn lane (ticket), exploded on his boss last night and had to leave work. He also harbors all this hatred for women, which I don't get. I know he's a mess and I shouldn't want him back, but part of me feels he's coming completely unhinged and I don't know how he could get help, or if he'd be willing to accept it.

You need this looser out of your life. The behavoir you described is typical of someone who blames their problems on everyone else. You are right, you cannot help him. He is selfish and sees himself as a victim in all of this. I hope those pills are not where the children can reach them. No sex is the least of your problems

Good luck