Wow I'm so sorry you are going thru this. To find out about an affair is devastating. I have a story to tell you quick. When my wife and I were in a good spot or at least I thought so. She was friends with this man for some I'm and in it self was not a problem but this man decided her niceness was an invitation to something more. It was his birthday and was hounding my wife for some nude pics of herself..she refused and he wound up sending her nude pics of himself. How do I know this ? Because she showed me the texts between her and this POS. You see we were in a good spot then and honesty was being built back up from previous issues. Anyway, we decided to text him back on her phone letting him know I saw his "little" pictures and he should never contact her again unless he wanted his wife to see these pics aswell. Now this is not as bad as your story but I'm glad I didn't go with my anger and contact his wife. They had kids as we do and. This was.last year and honestly think about it to this day.if I should have at least told her he was "hitting " on my wife. Quite honestly I don't know what the best answer is but I didn't want to destroy a fsmily as this man was trying to do. As of now the reason I'm on this forum is my wife has filed for divorce and is trying to end our marriage Which has brought this circumstance us in my head numerous times on if I should have just told that man's wife. As of now he's still married and I'm in the middle of divorce. The asshole's seems to win. Hopefully someone will have a better answer for you. Just dont do anything out of anger.

I'd be a lying fool if I said I don't have a lot if anger towards this POS as you so accurately put it. Having said that I know starting down that path will get me swallowed up in a bunch of self destructive bad feelings. I just know how I feel and would have wanted someone to help me before now. I hate what she and her daughter will go through but am I aiding and abetting with my silence?

You are not aiding and abetting with your silence. It is not your place to tell her. Getting drawn into the drama will just make your own recovery slower.

I was cheated on. My ex had an emotional relationship for 4 years and a sexual one for 6 months before he finally told me. Having the OW's partner (or anyone else for that matter) tell me sooner would not have made it any better.

Focus on what is best for you and your family (I forget if you have kids). Get the separation/divorce process going asap. Let the fallout around the OM take its natural course. You do not need it in your brain.

Just my thoughts...

Wow that sucks sounds like your wife has really been playing you, and quite some time now. I swear I don't know what gets in the head of cheating spouses but the stories are usually so similar nothing surprises me. It wasn't until months after I told my wife to leave I got the proof of the cheating but all the pieces aligned once I knew. I was the last to know of course.

Anyways...his wife...the other chump. Personally I would tell her if only for the reason I've been chumped myself as you have, and she deserves to know. You already have the proof (be prepared for the cheaters to try and explain it away as a misunderstanding or "joking" or some other bullshit, they won't admit to it.) If it's rock solid then I would tell her, screw them both, they need to lie in the bed they made.

And personally when I found out about my ex wife it helped me put a nail in the coffin and now almost 2 years later she can pound sand for all I care.

I would tell the woman. She deserves the truth & most likely not hear it from her hasbeen.

I would have given anything if someone had told me the truth years ago. Things would have ended much sooner causing less heart ach.

What she chooses to do with the information is her choice but at least she would have the info.

Even though you have children, would you have wanted to know if things were reversed? If this man's wife knew, wouldn't you want her to tell you?

In a perfect world, your spouse would be honest & be a decent human being, .... But this is far from a perfect world.

Pray about it.

I am so sorry for your sad news regarding your wife. I have been through this with my husband. But the reason for our divorce is because of his meth use.

If I were in your shoes I probably would not tell the wife. I would focus on helping myself heal. This is emotionally painful stuff and you'll want to make the best decisions going forward regarding the divorce and other family matters.

Take care of you now (and your kids or pets if you have them).

Sending you wishes for healing and inner peace.

Thank you everyone for trying to help in this matter. The screenshots from the computer is not rock solid as far as explicit. There is 100% emotional affair evidence and opportunity for physical (meeting up and her messaging how nervous she is). I am going through with starting the divorce process. I am hurt badly but will do everything possible to be professional and honorable towards her. A courtesy she did not extend to me. My number one priority are my children whom I will protect at all costs. She is a good mother and I won't deny them that, but she cannot control things going forward.

I am so sorry for this impacting the other wife and daughter. If I try to notify her it would be obvious who is doing it. I need ideas on how to provide this evidence to her if I were to try to reveal this to her.

Once you tell the innocent wife, your wife will know that you are aware of their relationship. I would wait until you have talked to your attorney & if you have decided to let your wife know about your findings.

If you could ever forgive her & work on your marriage (if you both opt to), then the sooner the better. Just in case certain lines are not already crossed, if at this point it is still emotional & has not turned physical yet.

I do think that the innocent party should be told. Do onto others as you would wish others to do onto you. You don't need to be involved with them after you have done the enlightening. You didn't cause the drama nor the pain that it will bring. You are just giving her the option of the truth that she may never have otherwise.

Just my opinion, pray about it & do talk to an attorney.

Thoughts & prayers

If it's not rock solid, she's not likely to believe you.

Save what you found for the divorce .its proof of adultery. And save your bullets. Keep what you know to yourself. There is a saying " give someone enough rope and they will hang themselves with it."

If you decide to tell your wife, maybe give the two of them, a week or so, to confess to the innocent wife - or - you will. Just a suggestion.

I am so naive. First I never thought this could happen to me because I trusted her implicitly. Then, I believe I must be reading something into this that isn't really there. Just the raging insecurities of a broken heart. Then I figure if I give her opportunities to come clean in a calm honest manner she would take it. No, she just lies more and more. She twists everything into my fault. That living like this is unbearable. What do I do? I still want to believe she loves me. That underneath it all she is crying for me.

I'm such an total idiot. The woman I loved is gone. She has become someone else. That someone else views me as the enemy. I am an undesirable fact of her children's lives. I actually think she was somehow expecting to get my blessing for this.

I've decided I won't tell the wife. It could have repercussions on my kids. I will however pray she somehow has an easier time of it than me.

Now if I can just hold on to this feeling of fighting for myself and not going back to being a complete wuss.

So, the crazy thing about cheaters is that so many of them do seem to convince themselves that the "cheated on" spouse (i) knew all along and is ok with it, (ii) cheated on spouse will be relieve, or (iii) cheated on spousal will be better off. There is no end to thei capacity for delusion. Goodluc'!

The OM's wife will find out eventually, it is inevitable. It is a shame that two families will be broken apart, but you are wise not to contribute to the pain any more than you have to. Your wife will choke on all the lies soon enough and if she had to lie to you to be with him, he likely has to lie to his wife to be with yours. Heck his wife might already suspect. So now is the time to focus on yourself and your children.

Hi Idon'tmake!
Please stop calling yourself an idiot or niaive!
Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are the lesser person here!
That is when they have the upper hand and will walk all over you even more.
If you use this time quietly to forge a new life for yourself, and regain your self respect before this woman takes everything from you.
I went through 18years of hell with a husband who could blame every single affair on something that I did or did not do! I will never get those years back and even though I loved him, he told me that the reason why he had the affairs was because it was so easy to hurt me and he did not love me enough.
If he had told me this the first time(2years into the relationship)I could have had a completely different and happy life without trying to prove myself worthy of his attention and allowing myself to be manipulated to where I hardly recognised myself outside of my work!...I was a door mat at home!
he did not have the morals or faithfulness required for marriage to anyone!
You deserve better and I hope you find it.