Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Skwerl 02/09/2010

I'm desperately feeling like I need to call her or write her and ask her to tell me that it's really over, that there's absolutely nothing else we can do.. I know I'm stuck in the false hope stage, but knowing that doesn't help.
Most if not all of her reasons she gave me for this divorce are wrong. We went to 2 goddamn counseling sessions and she said we tried. She's so confused, she just doesn't see it.

She says she still loves me, just "not like that anymore". I know I can't make her love me again. She's been unhappy for a long time, and thinks she'll be happier with the other guy, and we all know how that works out.
I think I'm doing the best job I can to be the best person I can, and I'm honestly happy with myself (current situation aside). I just don't want to give up, like she did..

Can't move on...

totallychaotic247 02/09/2010

PUT DOWN THE PHONE! It will only cause you so much more hurt in the end! ((Windclimber))

deleted_user 02/09/2010

Deep breaths!

If you really feel the need to express yourself. Write a letter to her, in your journal, not to send. Just so you can get the feelings out.

Do not call or write to her. It will most likely end with you hurting more than you do now.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{windclimber}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

GeocacherNY 02/09/2010

put the bottle down

step away from the numbers

deleted_user 02/09/2010

Why do you need to hear it? Your heart is fighting your brain, funny thing is... your heart knows it's over, your brain just isn't passing that message.

CAN move on. Must move on. She may be happier with the other guy... who knows. Don't try to control what you cannot. She needs to find her own path. Whether that path has you in it, is up to her.

deleted_user 02/09/2010

It is so hard to hear them tell you no. It hurts like hell. I still have times when I just want to ask him why we were not worth the effort. But most of the time I do see that it is better. Hugs to you.

deleted_user 02/09/2010

Write a letter, seal it up, and put it in drawer. The words 'not like that anymore' are loud and clear.

Get a to a counselor and work on yourself so that you can move forward. It won't be easy, but you will be okay. This is so hard, I know and the DS people will help see you through.

(((HUGS)))

LKess 02/09/2010

write it.....and hang onto it.
It will give you a chance to rethink it in the morning.....
(((Hugs)))

deleted_user 02/09/2010

Our hearts have very little to do with logic. But for our own self preservation we have to listen to logic. I know what you're feeling and hoping. We all want it just to go back to that point when we were happy. But we simply don't have that way back machine.

If you want, bounce it off your therapist. Get their opinion. But I think you probably know what the answer is. Sucks, doesn't it?

deleted_user 02/09/2010

WindClimber, I totally get what you're writing here.

Ultimately, you can't wait around for her to figure things out. You have to do what's right for you (and your kids if you have them).

If something works out down the road, great, but right now, she's doing what my wife did. She's selling you short.

deleted_user 02/09/2010

I can add something from my experience here... I asked my stbx if there was anything I could do to make him reconsider our marriage. I sent it in an email. He told anyone who would listen that I wanted to get back together, laughing at me, called me a manipulator and made the o/w hold tighter to her prize. (I don't think he is a prize anymore).

All of the advice is good. Write it in a journal. Don't send it.

healingslowly 02/09/2010

I'm sorry....I know you are going through hell.

I am here if you need me.

Please know we all care...(and have been there)

deleted_user 02/09/2010

In addition to all the good advice form others about not giving in to this....have you considered doing something new and different to distract yourself from this dilemma? Take a day or a week off to do something or see something new...get out of your comfort zone...talk to new people. You need to get some of the desperation out of your system and lighten up... try to picture some new possibilities in your life that might open up.

Bill
divorcedmansite.com

deleted_user 02/09/2010

it's a difficult thing to accept

deleted_user 02/09/2010

Don't like the word "can't". You can move on, it's only hard for you right now. I like the reply from Gaelyn. I'm going through the same thing. Write in a journal, it really does help. Most of all, don't let yourself be drawn into constantly thinking about your situation with her. I do believe things happen for a reason, even if we don't like it, go through it, it will not hurt forever. Would love to see you get through this. Take care..

Skwerl 02/09/2010

Ugh.. I have half a dozen letters to her I havn't sent. My first journal entry is a doosey.
I know it won't do any good. I just need to wait; time will heal I guess. It sucks cuz she really is a good person, even though she hurt me so much (god that sounded victimy lol). She just has a lot of issues she thinks she's worked through. She still wants to be "friends".
I'm so confident that one day she'll realize she's made the biggest mistake of our and our son's life, and I guess that scares me, cuz I don't know what I'd do. I actually feel bad for the guilt she'll go through for that. This sucks. I'll deal.

Thanks everyone. Love you guys.

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