Don't do it. I went down that road and trust me when I tell you that you don't want to experience the pain of your spouse telling you that it's none of your business since you're no longer together. To the extent possible, try to focus on your life and not hers. I know it's no easy task but the truth is that what she's doing and why she's doing it isn't relevant anymore. She's made her position clear and you have to do your best to start healing.

Wow that's rough. I'm so sorry. Living together but apart is extremely hard. I had to do that for a couple months and it is so hard to go from man and wife to roommates. The tension and sadness was unbearable. I know there is nothing on here that anybody can say that will make you feel better but know that we are all on here to help support you through this.

Stay strong. Sending you big hugs!!

If she is the one moving to divorce, it is not your business and she is not your friend again ever .
If she is the one moving to divorce and recently dropped that turd on you, odds are pretty high that she had been calculating such for awhile, and I'm sad to say it, odds are 50/50 that she has not been calculating alone
Regardless, a woman that does not want to be your wife is not a friend

Echo Refurb 100%

Wow that has to be so hard. We are seperated for about 6 mos. Been working on things but day before valentine's everything just ended. I made my kids pancakes but just felt like another day. Kinda depressing but I have alot of dates like this I suppose coming. I just try not to think about it.

You do in fact have rights. You may no longer have the right to know who what when where and how but you do have rights. Do you know what they are and if you dont it is up to you to insure your know them. My husband did the same thing today without even considering my plans. It did not bother me that he had plans that do not involve me. It bothered me because he assumes his rights are superior to mine. Best Wishes.

I stopped asking what my husband was doing as well. It just causes fights and I didn't really want to know the answer anyway. I have been very vague with my plans as well. He called me yesterday to wish me a happy Valentine's Day. I think he just felt bad because of all the posts on facebook of our friends and family saying nice things to one another. None of them know about our separation yet either. This has got to end. I need to just let my family and kids know about the separation and move on. It is killing me.
I think you should just let her do whatever she is going to do. Let her see you improving yourself and being a great father. It will prob drive her crazy that you are not asking her.

Screw that. I took the kids with me for the rest of the weekend to San Francisco and didn't invite her. I just told her this morning I was taking them with me to bond as father and kids. She said, "Wow that's pretty spur of the moment." And I said, "I've actually planned it since last week, but I guess I forgot to mention it or you didn't hear me." She said "Um, okaaaaaay, you guys have fun I guess."
Anyway, we had an awesome time in SF today. Yes, I know it was very immature but this is BS. BTW- I decided to splurge and got a room at the Hyatt Hotel on the Embarcadero in Downtown San Francisco. Hung out at Fisherman's Warf, Pier 39 and had a great dinner with the kids at Rainforest Cafe. I'm going to regret it when the Credit Card bill comes, but it's worth it as I had fun for the first time in over a month.
She texted to see how we were doing and if we were having fun. I just replied with a "yep, be home tomorrow." And that's that......for now.

Lol.

Be careful when taking kids anywhere out of state for very long though...thats all i can tell you.

Good for you glad you had a great time with your kids, my kids while older have been my rock through this nightmare.
And you're wife's response "okaaaaayy"... Ugh does that sound familiar. Earlier in the breakup if I would send my ex a lengthy text trying to make a point I would get that same stupid condescending response ..."okaaaaay" ...use to irritate the shit out of me but I've learned to not engage her in anything where she can use that stupid comeback.
Enjoy the rest if your trip sounds fun !

Kbbcoop77, yeah, I totally hate that okaaaaay, comment. It does get under my skin.
So at about 11pm (Pacific Time) she texted me, "How are you guys doing. Are you guys ok?" I replied "We are fine." Then she calls me to chit chat about her day and asked about what we did. We small talked for no more than 5 minutes and told her I was tired wanted to go to bed. She said, "Good night, see you guys tomorrow."

I think this is a control thing more than her missing us. I know I need to stay strong and not consider this as hope. She made it clear she wants to end our marriage. BUT, it's hard to not get hopeful when she's the one who initiates contact.

The sooner you get past the false hope the better. I spent months in that mode and that was a waste of time. She contacted you because you have the kids. The chit chatting will hurt you in the long run. Believe me I lived it and still do unfortunately as our daughter lives with me. I know it's hard, it's the hardest most awful thing I've ever been through. Extreme limited contact about kids and the dynamics of the divorce/separation in a business like matter helps. Talking and behaving like a couple will hurt you and make her feel less guilty.

I'm with Coop. I made the mistake of falling into false hope that she happily encouraged - for almost a year, until she didn't. I'm still working on that, and my slips still only cause pain in the end. Friday she came over for a nice dinner together (pleasant, but sad about missing her) followed by her announcing she is flying back to FL on Friday to spend another 10 days with the new guy (pain - more so because of the visit/dinner I made her). Better not to know and to keep that distance. Easier said than done.

It is very good for you that you took control and spent quality time with your children. That nourishes you. False hope ultimately drains you and keeps you stuck. Stay strong and best wishes.

Tailspin.... when do you guys plan on living separate? Have you told the kids?