Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Survey....What would you do?

tammib
tammib
If your spouse was exchanging messages with another women, but it wasn't physical, would you divorce him? There were up to 30 messages a day, usually about random subjects. Towards the end, his messages were more questionable, telling her he missed her and that he might need a hug and that he hoped they worked the same shift together soon because he wanted to see her beautiful face next to his. I know it sounds like a physical relationship, but her husband had spy ware on her phone and I saw thousands of messages and there was no reference to anything physical. Her hubby also had hidden cameras and he had spies at work. I know what I think, but I wanted to see what you guys think. Would you dump him?
LindaMarie8289
LindaMarie8289
#29 - By reading Tammi's posts, she did not pull away. This is what she did... " Looking back, I think it was guilt. Once the bizarre behavior stopped, he told me he needed more attention, so of course I gave it to him and all was well, until I stumbled on to the messages and opened the flood gates."
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think they believe they are in a relationship. This is some sick modern day shit. Spying and lying! They should be single....but ad the world knows they will make excuses to stay in such a demented web of deceit, while professing undying love to one another .....
revans136
revans136
First I would find out if he has a disorder like bipolar disorder, which makes a person make bad decisions and without medication, a person cannot think clearly. If he does, then get him the right medication and see what happens. Also you need to take a look at your marriage, there has to be other problems he is feeling is wrong for him to do this. I learned men need to feel respected, while a women need love. when fighting, each person sends unsaid messages subconsciously. men send the message " I do not love you" and women send the message " I do not respect you." Get a book called "Love and Respect" by Emmerson Eggerich. It really saved my marriage. I hope this helps.
tammib
tammib
There are some really good suggestions on this post. Of course there are things I could have done better. I could have been a better wife. Unfortunately, he did one of the few things he could do to get rid of me. That doesn't mean I haven't reflected and learned. It just means he won't be the beneficiary of my learnings.
tammib
tammib
I forgot to answer the question about why her husband went to such lengths to investigate. When he confronted them, they used Skype and then she made two fake Facebook accounts. She told me this is the third time in her marriage that she has needed "validation" outside of her marriage. She thinks everyone who has been married for so long needs that. Her husband stayed with her because he has been a cheater most of his life. He cheated on her early in their relationship but not since. He was relieved to find it was only written communication and not physical. Holy cow, I do not want any part of that life! I have no aspirations of becoming a private investigator.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Counseling. That's what I would do. Too many people jump to divorce. There is a reason he is doing that. He may feel you aren't giving him something he needs. Not defending his actions, but Its a truth. Go there first. If you are questioning this, you still care deeply about him. Don't just leave. Trust me, from experience.
tammib
tammib
I no longer have the feelings for him that I would need to stay in the marriage. We both deserve better. I am however seeking counselling for me and my 9 year-old daughter.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'd leave HER probably. I was not enough to satisfy her so she can go where she gets what she want if talking regulated nothing. At least it was a phone thing. He won't get AIDS or STDs from her over the phone. But being a woman can you trust him? I know many women want a guy who is sexually faithful. the feeling is mutual on my side.
thenewway
thenewway
Wow, this is sooooo complicated you are right
to get counseling for yourself and just imagine
how a young impressionable girl (who by the way
will be a woman one day and makes personal choices
based upon these events) is looking at all of this.
Get help, get out.