I honestly don't know if the experience of divorce is different for men and women. All I know is that it's pretty scary at times and it can really hurt. These are the things that have helped me a lot.

First, therapy. That has been a godsend. I see that you are already in therapy so good for you! Keep going and vow to be as honest in therapy as possible.

Secondly, I read every book I could get my hands on about divorce. It really helped me to know that what I was feeling was normal and to give me insight into how other people handled the challenges of starting over.

Third, coming to this forum. This is a great place to get almost instant feedback and ideas!

Fourth, reaching out to friends and acquaintances who are divorced. What you'll find is that once your non-divorced family and friends have gotten all the juicy details about your marriage and impending divorce, their support will largely dry up. I have found that people, women at least, WANT to talk about their divorces, even if it is years later and they are very eager to help you through yours. It can be as simple as saying, "Hey, Joe, you're divorced, right? That's what I'm going through now. Mind if I asked how you handle co-parenting?" Even something as simple as that will open the door and Joe, if he's a decent human being, will be happy to share his knowledge and experience with you. If not, then you'll know that Joe is not a decent human being and that's probably why he's divorced.

Fifth, start your own support group. That's what I did. I started a group that meets twice a month in our local police station's meeting room. It's for women only because I didn't want it to turn into a meet market and I wanted the members to feel free to share openly. I made up some posters and hung them around town. I figured that if I needed more support, then others might too. Additionally, I thought we could all share our knowledge of resources because I just knew there were things available to someone in my position that I was unaware of. The night of our first meeting, in fact, I found out about a big one.

These are the things that have helped me a lot. I'm sure others will post here with even more ideas.

Have you considered Divorce Care? Each group is run a little differently but it is not unusual for the groups to be split by gender for the discussion. That might give you the opportunity to talk things over with men who are in a similar situation.

I'm a man who is recently divorced and will be glad to tell you what has helped me. Therapy, a divorce care group, exercise, family support, a supportive church. Based on what I am doing and others have done, I would plan to go through the whole 13 week divorce care program at least once, maybe twice. Don't date for a long time to give yourself time to heal. Do some kind of exercise that you enjoy doing to work out hard as often as possible. Here is a hard one for men. Try to find one supportive male friend to walk with you through this process of recovering from divorce.

Thanks! I never heard of Divorce Care. I will look that up. And, no, I do not plan to date for quite some time. But could benefit from exercise.

I am still pinching myself a little that this is actually happening. I never really thought this episode of divorce would play out in my life. I would like to read and learn more. It's a difficult subject.

Thank you for responding. I am aware that women like to talk about relationships and divorce and things like that. But I often fight the sense that I am needlessly bothering friends by talking about it. I mean, everyone has something in their life that they wish were better. Mine just seems to be personal relationships. I will try to find a supportive male friend.

Thanks!

Dude coming here, is like finding that supportive friend, whether it be male or female.

I know this forum may seem dominated by women, but there are a handful of men here, feeling much like you do. That we are strong individuals that can carry the load regardless. But through some situations, like this one, we need that extra hand to help us up. There is nothing wrong with it, except we think that there is something wrong with it.

There are some good suggestions here on what you can do, exercise is surely one of them. Staying interactive with friends and society in general is another. Even though you may not feel like having a night on the town, getting out to a friends house or just for dinner will breathe in fresh air to your body and soul, refreshing you for that next day.

You have to find and do things you like to do and do them. But coming here, and posting is a good step in the right direction to getting that support to help keep your head on straight some days.

Welcome to the group

I've heard great things about Divorce Care, there was not one going on near me so I couldn't attend. I joined meetup.com. It's not a dating site, but a place to find groups of people with similar interests. I joined two hiking meetups and two dining meetups. I got out and did all kinds of fun things with people who had no clue I was going through divorce or was freshly divorce. I was able to just be me and make some friends.

Exercise is a great stress reliever I highly recommend it.

I agree with all the comments. This site has been wonderful to just vent if nothing else. Divorce care will let you know if there is a support group near you. Staying busy is the best thing even though that's not always possible. Allow yourself to grieve too. The advice I keep getting is take care of yourself. That's critical.

It helps me so much to read posts on this forum. I honestly don't know what I'd do without all of u. =)

This is a good place for you to be, Jose.

I liked therapy and divorce care.org during that
Time. The emotional rollercoaster is not fun. Let
Yourself grieve your losses. The emotions and
Feelings that will keep coming out need to be
Felt and processed and let go of.


This is a tough road and journey, keep putting
One foot in front of the other and doing the next
Best thing. Thats all i did during the seperation
and Divorce phase. I used all my maturity, it helped
keep Things calmer and saner during an intense
emotional Time.

The healing can begin after its over then its still a
long Way off to feeling centered and whole again. I
Hear it takes 3 years to normalize, i am 15 months
and Feel no where near normal or healed. HUGS

mirandc -- I understand what you're saying about emotional rollercoaster. Emotions have never been my strength. I portray an even keel so that even my therapist commented that it is difficult to tell how I'm actually doing. Seems like several times a day I think that divorce is a good step, then I think the reverse, then I'm surprised all this is happening, then resolved to keep my head up. And then there's the next day.

Then there's all these little things... that all boil down to the question, "What's going to happen?"

I haven't felt normal for a very long time... and sometimes I wonder if I would even recognize normal if I got there.

I get what you mean about using all your maturity. I feel that sense too. It's strange that I am becoming most mature now when the marriage is ending. I keep thinking, geez... why couldn't I just get to this point all those years before? I was really trying!

Now, for once, I am liking the person I am becoming. It's where I always wanted to be deep down. But things like relationships are not working out.

I had a tough conversation with my parents about the divorce. They do not agree and are very religious. I grew up in an isolated, unhealthy environment, where voicing any idea or opinion that didn't fit the mold was actively suppressed. I was proud of myself in telling them as clearer as I could my intentions and why. That could have never happened at any point prior in my life.

It throws me for a loop that I am reaching clarity like this, but other things are disintegrating. Maybe it's just a part of the letting go process.

I don't understand. But I would like to know what it feels like to be centered for some time. I've only known that feeling for very brief periods of my life.

But... I'm going to consider that piece of advice... to let the emotions out, process, and let go...
Thank you.

I have been attending alanon since 2012 so that
Helped me a lot dealing and coping. By the time
My ex left i was no longer a doormat. I refused to
Leave and he moved in with his mother then his
GF until the divorce.

I just keep beating every bush i can find to get
better and heal. I was one to stuff my F&E too
coming From a dysfunctional family. I feel my
feelings and emotions now. I am very spiritual
and that helps me to move thru the Emotional
Muck. HUGS