I know it might sound a bit stupid, but have you tried writing a letter to yourself or to her about everything that goes on in your head? And I don't mean one that you will send or show her, but just write it all down, the good, the bad, the happy and sad, things you felt either of you did wrong or right and just everything? I do that sometimes to just try and get everything out of my head so I can see it infront of me and process all my thoughts in a different way. Most of the time it helps me a bit when I can actually get things down in writing.

That is a good idea, thank you I will do that this evening.

I completely understand what you are going through, if someone has not been through this personally they just don't understand the anguish. You are not alone in talking to yourself, sometimes it helps to hear the words out loud. I have found that when I talk to God out loud it has more meaning for me and I think He likes to hear from us too. I slept last night for the first time in 6 weeks. I went to Divorce Care and was there early and the leader talked and prayed with me for 20minutes before. I felt God telling me to ask for forgiveness for the pain I caused my wife over the last few years, after I did I felt a peace come over me that I haven't felt in weeks. The anxiety came down, the hollow pit went away. I dreamed what I consider a dream of hope, I know my wife is struggling and turning away from God and me right now, but He showed me that He has me in His hand. We can only change ourselves, sometimes that is hard to do when we are experiencing unimaginable pain. I have found that if I listen to positive music and put a smile on my face, even if it is fake, I feel better. There are still going to be awful days I know, but I can only trust that it will get better. I hope that you can find some peace this weekend, they have been the worst for me too.

staying busy.. keeping your mind busy with other tasks helps, work work and more work - helped me a lot. so for at least 8 hours of the day I didn't have time to think of anything but work.. I understand what you're going through, and I agree with Inner-Chaos' idea of a letter.. write it out - get it out of your head then burn/shred it..

exercise is another great one.. get those endorphin's moving, turn up some good music and just let your heart pound away.. I have 2 brothers, one divorced, one separated, the divorced brother is now a daily runner - and in the best shape of his life - that was his out.. running, 3 years later : ) the other has taken up bike riding.. its still early in his separation, but its amazing what exercise can do to help clear your mind too.. myself, I'm saturated in single parenting, keeping my mind on my kids needs keep my mind busy with other things..

you can do this, you can get through this.. you're not alone, one day at a time

Thank you all so much for being a consistent encouragement. I really am glad and fortunate to have found this site and all you people. Its funny, I know many many people , but I don't have a single friend, I know everyone has friends but to me a friend still carries a greater meaning than just someone I know and occasionally talk to. My kids are almost all grown and moved out, so you all are so appreciated.

I have been there; I completely understand what you are going through. You stay for as long as you can until you get a break in clarity and say to yourself "Fuck This I'm Done" (Excuse the Language) but honestly I went through so much with my ex-stay long than I should have to hold out hope he will snap and realize he is about to lose it all; he moved out for a week leaving me pregnant no food nothing; but like a dumbass stayed. One day he decided he was coming back, but he was going to help a friend first; I told him if he walked out that door I was leaving and never coming back; "I Kept My Word"; he kept calling and giving me bullshit, it was hard as hell; but I promise it gets better. I caught myself thinking all the great times together how much fun we had everything, just as quick as that thought came in my head the thought of him kicking me out of the car pregnant hot as hell in Texas heat; had to walk 6 hours what would have taken me 45 mins by cars. The point is it gets better with time just hang in there. Now that's my situation; I do not know your situation, I could be giving you the advice for you but for me the best decision and happy I left no telling where I would be or my babies.But if you need to talk im here to listen.

I know lots of people too and have never felt so alone. My wife had an emotional affair with my best friend of 15 years. It sucks because he is who I would have turned to for help. I am trying to not hide from people right now, reaching out telling people I would like to go sailing or boating, whatever to get my mind off things. It seems like everyone has come to her rescue, not a phone call from any of "our" friends. That really hurts. She has also not told them about her betrayal, which I want to shout from the mountain tops, but I don't because that would hurt my 17yr old son.

hello,
I am new to the site. I too an 2 weeks into the separation and 3 days into the divorce paperwork. We have been married 23 years. We have 3 daughters, 16,20, and 21. I have been a devoted husband and lover. I am dealing with the pain of her admitting to an affair 19 years ago, a friend admitting to me he had a relationship with her 2 years ago and then finding her on Fetlife with a profile that paints a picture that she was looking for something on the side. I have no comfort in understanding why, what is true or not true, I can't trust what she tells me. I am not responsible for her actions which put us here, though I am not perfect. To be nice and stop the madness and fighting I agreed to pay her alimony until our youngest graduates and give her our land. I am left with all the debt, loss, loneliness and like you, inner monologue. After that she started being nice, started telling me she loves me, gives me hugs. I had to bed her to stop giving me mixed feeling like there was possibility of reconciliation. I would love it, but I am so broken and lost. I just want to turn off my heart.

Jamie before you turn over your land and agree to years of alimony AND taking on all the debt I hope you consult with an attorney ..and take some time before you agree to such a lopsided settlement. She's the one who cheated and you're in the early days of figuring everything out. You will heal from this betrayal (I been through the same scenario), so please don't blindly take on all the financial burden without some clarity. I would've done anything to get my ex wife back (24 yrs together) but now I wouldn't throw her a life preserver on the Titanic.

As far as the OP, this is normal behavior as your brain is trying to work out the situation...I did the same thing and still occasionally my mind goes there but not nearly as paralyzingly bad as the early days. I used to sail in my younger days so if I started thinking about my ex I would mentally set up the boat, the sails, run the sheets, attach the halyards, etc etc, untie from the dock....just mentally take myself somewhere else that took some time to accomplish the task but go over it methodically ...it helped to distract me from thinking of her. Maybe it'll help you. Time really helps and as much no contact as possible. Our kids are adults so I've cut her off 100%..that helped tremendously

No contact does help a lot but it still does not
Change your heart and emotions. Those need
To be grieved, felt, honored and worked thru
and is very pain filled Journey to get to the
other side.

I am Still on my journey, it does Get better, you
can not force your grieving. Its Like expecting a
widow to be cured and all better With distractions
and exercise alone. Your emotional and spiritual
self needs love and assistance too. HUGS

Get a therapist. It help a lot to talk it out with a third party. And I know you don't want to hurt your son, but he might be old enough to understand. I was originally trying not to say anything bad about my ex until I found out he was saying we were just friends the last few years of our relationship. That's one of the ways he justified his cheating. So I decided to tell the truth to his family. I found out they thought something like that. So your family might already suspect. And you need a support system. You'll take a few step forward and then fall back. But I know I take comfort in knowing it will get better. One day at a time.

Get a therapist. It help a lot to talk it out with a third party. I was originally trying not to say anything bad about my ex until I found out he was saying we were just friends the last few years of our relationship. That's one of the ways he justified his cheating. So I decided to tell the truth to his family. I found out they thought something like that. So your family might already suspect. And you need a support system. You'll take a few step forward and then fall back. But I know I take comfort in knowing it will get better. One day at a time.

Yup, I absolutely relate to the inner turmoil. I went throught that awhile back, while I was coming to the decision to divorce. It was a struggle to sleep and I always felt as if I were in a fog. I lost weight but wasn't eating healthy. When I wasn't working or driving the kids around, I would find myself just watching tv or wandering around the house, with such little energy to do the chores and household paperwork. I could not believe that my husband really had so little regard for me, and had dissed me pretty much the entire time we've been together. I didn't confide in anyone while I was going through this, and that was a mistake. I now think that I was depressed. But that part, the grieving, is done, and I came out of it ok. Now I am at the stage of actually going through the divorce process with a reluctant partner, and that brings its own headaches. But my head is much clearer and my heart feels right about my decision. I did journal in the beginning, and it helped tremendously to write my feeling down, then be able to review them later and see the patterns of negativity in my relationship. That helped me with clarity. It really does take time.

I am also stuck in my own head in the worst way. I escape it at work or when I am talking to someone about my situation. Divorce care might be a good resource as would any other person in your same position. This site helps me know I am not alone and that I am not the bad guy. Good luck!