I cant say that its going to be easy, but from my past it took awhile. At first for me i was the same way with emotions and feeling alone. it will take time and things will seem very dark but one day you will wake up and say "no, this is my day and i will make this my life and make it what i want." I still believe in it but i know after 3yr.s of being apart from my husband there are times that that i still feel weak from the pain. As my mother always told me its gonna be a long road but there is always light. Seeming that is what every one says but if we don't believe it, its not there. Yet if we try and take the steps we feel in our hearts to be the right one we can over come anything. So i will tell you now that i believe in you! and even though we have never met i'm sending you a mental hug.

Thank you Jess. I'm usually a very positive and logical person and I just can't seem to pull myself out of this. Feel like I'm living hour by hour rather than day by day.

I'm sure this forum will help and the support of nice people like you

It was the same for me and 3 months later im still going through it. The pain, the wondering why. It does get better but there are days that it hurts like heck.

It was the same for me and 3 months later im still going through it. The pain, the wondering why. It does get better but there are days that it hurts like heck. You will get through it. We all will.

Many times when they are checked out of the marriage
And detached from you, you really don't know what they
are thinking, feeling or really scheming. Often they have
found a new partner already or one waiting in the wings.

My ex moved in with his mother and then with his GF
on the sly. I told him No dating if he lived at home until
after the divorce. He Left in a big huff he thought i would
be the One to leave the Home not him. He has his business
on the same property.

Going to www.divorcecare.org helps a lot with the grieving
Process and being with others. Glad you are in therapy that
Will Help to guide you.

The grief is pretty intense at the beginning. You will get many
Uncomfortable feelings and emotions as you process, face
And hopefully eventually let them go.

I cried for 4 months After he left and during the separation and
divorce i was often in Overload and overwhelm. I had a good
lawyer watching my Back financially and legally thankfully.

Detaching from your STBX will be hard and I believe the healing
starts after the divorce and decree. Its over legally and no more
lawyers and hopefully no more financial fighting. Then next is the
transition Phase, none of this is easy. Grief has its own timeline and
It can not Be rushed. HUGS

be less concerned with their actions and know that you have control over your own. Healing is a process which moves forward, even when you can't see the progress which can go at a different pace for all of us. Try not to dwell on a timeline rather that you take positive steps in healing, such as those I've posted in my journals

I agree with sjs777. I also am currently separated from husband of 12 years. I try to do something nice for myself everyday. Also exercise helps me relieve some stress and emotions. I also look to my religion and try to think that a higher power has a plan for me and my children. The pain is still someti.es unbearable but u have to know u are beautiful and start to work on yourself bc that is all u can count on right now

thanks everyone

I don't buy his reasoning, feels like he is grasping at things to bring up. Just says it's all on him but there's no one else. I'm pretty sure there is. It he is denying it

Hi Sadhaze. For everyone's sake, I do hope the pain subsides. My husband told me April 30th that he didn't want me anymore. It hurts, it hurts every single day. The pain is worse because we still share our home. Sometimes I have to cry in the bathroom at work because I cannot withstand the pain another singular second. My friends think it is a little morbid, but when things get really hard and I feel like I am succumbing to the pain, I think of things that are worse. How my grandmother buried two husbands, how people all around this country are being slaughtered before they ever get to love at all. I remind myself that there must be fun things about being single and I focus on them. We are all here for you.

Many times when they have checked out from the marriage
And from you, they are no longer invested in making it work.

I was in total shock my ex would not work on us even though
it had been bad for 12 years. He said he was done, his eyes and
heart were elsewhere too. Usually They check out first before
actually doing anything.

Emotional intimacy often is the culprit its the slow death Of a
marriage. It was in my marriage, we seemed okay For the first
10 years or so. Bonded and we were a team then slowly Things
changed when he would not hear me or validate Me. That gets
Real old and leads to resentments, pain and hurt.

If i had a do over, i would have waited longer to get married So i
was much stronger and healthier. I was in my late 20's and getting
Nervous and he seemed like someone i could live the rest of My
life with. We both had old unresolved issues and it all Played out.
We both come from the same types of backgrounds no surprise
There either, HUGS

Hi @sadhaze, really sorry to read what you are going through. It is painful and sad when marriages break down and you don't even get a chance to work at saving it. From my experience, healing for the emotional hurt can take some time so just try and take one day (or one hour) at a time and breathe. Its great that you are receiving counselling as this will help you process your feelings. I pray that with time, the pain will subside and you can begin to heal and experience a brighter future full of true love. Hugs and blessings.

Get a good lawyer make him pay, pay, pay! Go to college and do whatever. You will be ok!! Best to you.

Feeling stronger today but have to see him tonight. Let this be the first time I see him without crying.

You wrote he was married before you. I see a pattern here. This man is looking for someone to make him happy. They often think getting a new partner will fix it all but it doesn't.

You have completely had the rug pulled out from under you. I agree you need a lawyer to protect you and your future. Think of this as the biggest business deal of your life because your future is at stake here. In order to make sure you get what the law says you are entitled to, you need a lawyer. Don't put it off and don't agree to anything your husband suggests until you have retained a lawyer.

In the mean time, keep going to counseling. You may not feel so great for awhile, but counseling has a way of stirring up stuff. I suggest you find a hobby or something new to do in order to give your mind a break. When I was going through my divorce, I took a belly dancing class. I also joined Meetup.com and found activities and it was great to get out around people who didn't know my EX so they didn't ask. At Meetup I joined some hiking groups and two dining groups. Again, it forced me to think on things other than my situation.

I love the answers from Sagacioussusan and Misred. Joining meetup.com helped me too. Just getting out of the house and finding that there are loads of people who will be nice to you, and find you interesting, really feels great and gives you something to focus on.

It's great that you are going to counseling, but I agree with other posters' comments about money as well. Definitely be the first to file for divorce, ask for everything you are entitled to get, and even a little more. You may actually get it. Time to do something empowering for yourself.