Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After all the pain shes put me through the past 22 months. The thoughts of her on a cruise with the other guy just 3 days after our divorce. The countless sleepless nights and days of crying, I still love and miss this women so much. I feel like such a fool for feeling this way but can't stop it. She seems to have no problem moving on, yet I struggle each and every day. Its so sad!
Shes coming Sunday to get the rest of her stuff (hopefully this will only take 1 day), this may be one of the last times I see her as I told her she can no longer see our dog (Duke). For those of you following my story, you know this was the one thing still holding us together as she visits Duke once a week. However we talked this past Monday and I explained to her that she needed to stop seeing him if I had any hope of moving on, thats is the short version. She understood and reluctantly agreed. It breaks my heart to keep her from him as she loves him very much and vice versa but I needed to do this, hopefully one day I become strong enough to let her in his life again. I did not tell her that, and at this point Im not sure Ill ever feel that way, but who knows.
Im trying to get out and do more things, however I am not doing enough. Things I plan to do just come and go without me doing them and I just wind up sitting home. This weekend hopefully will be different as I have a meeting with a wonderful local organization to have Duke certified as a therapy dog and K9 good citizen. This would give Duke & I the opportunity to visit people in need of companionship to help brighten their days. We did this with our 1st dog and really enjoyed helping people in need. Here is a link to the organization: http://beanangeltherapydogs.org/ and here is a link to the story of therapy dogs: https://www.therapydogs.com/ . I am really looking forward to this and will not back out of this commitment this weekend.
Well back to work for now. I hope everyone here today has a great day, as once again I am going to try and do that.
Felix
Shes coming Sunday to get the rest of her stuff (hopefully this will only take 1 day), this may be one of the last times I see her as I told her she can no longer see our dog (Duke). For those of you following my story, you know this was the one thing still holding us together as she visits Duke once a week. However we talked this past Monday and I explained to her that she needed to stop seeing him if I had any hope of moving on, thats is the short version. She understood and reluctantly agreed. It breaks my heart to keep her from him as she loves him very much and vice versa but I needed to do this, hopefully one day I become strong enough to let her in his life again. I did not tell her that, and at this point Im not sure Ill ever feel that way, but who knows.
Im trying to get out and do more things, however I am not doing enough. Things I plan to do just come and go without me doing them and I just wind up sitting home. This weekend hopefully will be different as I have a meeting with a wonderful local organization to have Duke certified as a therapy dog and K9 good citizen. This would give Duke & I the opportunity to visit people in need of companionship to help brighten their days. We did this with our 1st dog and really enjoyed helping people in need. Here is a link to the organization: http://beanangeltherapydogs.org/ and here is a link to the story of therapy dogs: https://www.therapydogs.com/ . I am really looking forward to this and will not back out of this commitment this weekend.
Well back to work for now. I hope everyone here today has a great day, as once again I am going to try and do that.
Felix
I wish I could be as strong as you. You are doing amazing and I have no doubt you will get through this and come out on top. I can only image the pain and heartache you would be going through and how hard the day will be.
Hopefully I can take some strength from you and one day do the same, be strong, hold out and don't cave in to calling them.
Please let us all know how you are going, when you are ready of course xx
So I'm finally a bit more emotionally level today to talk about this past Sunday.
Let me start by staying it was without a doubt the hardest day of my life. The EX showed up about 11am and took Duke out for one last car ride, she got back around 1pm. Our friend Sue can over at the same time to help pack and for moral support. However she was only able to stay till 4:30, then I was on my own with my EX.
We started going trough things and packing about 1:30, it did not end until 7:30 when she left, and remember from about 4:30 we were alone. It was terrible to have had to help her pack, to watch things we built and bought together over the years leave our house and then load the truck. But I need her to get done fast and on Sunday, I did not want to have her come back so I ensured we went through everything. For the most part we agreed on everything and were amicable, but after our friend left I started to get emotional and at times asked questions I knew she'd not answer and started to make sarcastic remarks about the other guy. This luckily only happened a few times and caught myself so it lead nowhere. I did at the end of the day go back on my word and kept the engagement ring. I did promise it to her but after finding out she was on a cruise 3 days after our divorce with the other guy I see no reason she should have it. She gave me a bit a guilt trip on it but I held strong and told her she can't have it. However I told her I'll keep it locked away and if I can ever forgive her, I'll send it to her. This is the truth.
As the day ended I had to take her SUV to a parking when she left, she then drove me back to my block in the uhaul to drop me off. We got out, we hugged and I told her I loved her, her reply was I'll always love you. Anyway as I walked away I kept looking back at the uhaul, I guess hoping for a miracle that never happened. It's so sad as I have this image burned into my head now of the uhaul sitting there hoping she'd run out and back into my arms and say lets work this out.
I got back home and cried all night, actually I don't think I stopped crying until last night. So many memories of my love, my best friend are now just that, a sad memory. I wish I could go back in time and change things but I know that's not possible. I also know I still love her deeply and after all this, and all I know that at this very moment would still take her back if she wanted. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's the truth.
I dreaded going home last night as I knew the house was so much more empty then it's ever been but had to go home because Duke was there. I did a BBQ (nice thick ribeye) for me and Duke, he enjoyed that as I normally don't give him human food. As the night went on I started to move things around to fill gaps left behind from items she took, the whole time crying like a baby. I went to sleep about 9pm and fell right asleep, I guess because I was so emotionally and physically drained. I did wake up about 3:30, however was able to curb my thoughts and fell right back asleep until it was time to get up for work.
I do feel a bit better today, not as depressed and have not shed a tear. I'm really fighting this as I'm tired of crying and know she isn't. I also don't feel the anxiety I felt yesterday about going home, so that too is good. I know Sunday was the end, most likely the last hard thing I'll have to face. I'm not sure how long this healing process is going to take but I know I have a long road ahead of my as my heart still want's what it want's.
Anyway;
ChiTown: Duke did great on Saturday, he passed test # 1 of 3 on his way to becoming a therapy dog. He got to go into a nursing home and spend some time with the elderly in need, he seemed to really like it. His next test will be a children's home, which he'll ace as he loves kids.
Well lunch hour is almost over. Thanks to everyone for checking in and listening. I hope you all have a great rest of the day!
Felix
So going home yesterday was not nearly as hard as Monday, the anxiety was much less. Although entering the house I felt such a sense of loneliness, somehow I fought it and the feeling only lasted a short time. I quickly changed and got Duke out the door for an extended walk, I figured we can both use the walk as it would tire us out pretty good as it was very hot / muggy yesterday. As luck would have it, my bad luck continues. As we walked a different route this damn aggressive bee came out of nowhere and stung me in my temple, man did that hurt. Then the little bastard continued to chase me, Im sure if any neighbors where looking out the window they got a good laugh as Im sure I looked high with my arms flaring around, swinging at the air, doing a rain dance, lol.
As the evening continued I once again started to move things around and put things away, this time I did not cry and held pretty strong. After some time though I felt myself starting to get emotional, so I immediately stopped, put the TV on and sat with a nice bowl of ice cream. Pretty quickly I began to feel better and seemed to level out. I usually head to bed about 9-9:30 as Ive not been sleeping all that well the past few months, plus I normally get up at 4:30 am. But last night I forced myself to say up till 10:30, I was hoping between that and the long walk Duke and I had I would sleep through the night. Well I guess it worked because for the 1st time in months I slept through the night and did not even dream of the Ex, at least not that I can remember. YAY!
I woke at 4:25am relieved to have slept through the night and quickly got ready to take Duke for his morning walk. As I was getting ready thoughts of my Ex jumped into my head and it was at that point I realized why mornings were so hard for me. My Ex and I had our morning routine with Duke (and our last dog Soprano), that is no longer there and I miss it. The early morning walks, the talks we had, the plan we made, the time we took to feed the wild life in the ponds, thats now all gone. I quickly felt myself begin to tear up, some tears even streamed down my face. As we walked I began to feel better, realizing that I am now making a new routine by myself, actually have been for the past 14 weeks or so since she left. Anyway we got back home, I did my normal stuff and headed to work feeling ok.
So here I sit again writing at lunch to keep my mind occupied, it seems to do me some good and I know one day Ill be able to look back on these writing and be happy I did them. However lunch is now over and work calls, so gotta run.
Thanks again everyone for listening, have a great rest of the day.
Felix
Anyway, I was saying (altho you didn't know I was saying anything), was that your thoughts are going to be jumping all over the place; for awhile. its natural. You have to wade through it. Work to deal with what comes and turn those moments in to a lesson, or healing tool or even something to give it the proper burial it needs. Then toss it away forever.
I think you did a good job when she was there. I was actually glad you made a few comments about the other dude. I would have done the same thing. Altho, I may have also mumbled a name under my breathe. I think she needed to know, that you knew. You now know the reason she really ended it. She needed to understand it was not Ok what she did. its a lack of consideration and respect for the other person, you in this case. End one thing before you begin another. Especially a marriage or long term relationship. For petes sake.
Anyway, I was thinking, now you are rearranging things, its a good time to purchase something new for the place. Maybe even plant a tree! I suggest a cherry tree cus Cherries are expensive. Thats my plan anyway.
Also, Good Job Duke! I hope you got him a special treat. He sounds like such a good dog. I could only wish my rug rat was half as behaved to where I can even walk him down the road without him jumping on someone or barking. When Duke is done, will he be able to train other dogs how to be good ones? :)
I understand completely! I have been burned twice now in my 45 years of life. The love of my life, after 16 years together and also after my oldest child died, decided he was going to do drugs and screw other woman. When I found out, he left. I hurt horribly, I wanted to just die and be done. It too, me 3 years to get passed all the pain and suffering he caused me. But, I was still open to love and I married a man much younger than me. He pretended to be everything I ever wanted for two years straight, I married him after one year. After the second year his true colors started to come out and it got worse every year here after. We were married for 8 years, then I found out he was cheating on me, right after two major surgeries to save my life! I begged him to talk to me and save our marriage and he left instead...
Emotionally thins one did not kill me as badly as the previous one, but I am still filled with anger. I gave him everything and he left me with nothing. Why am I not good enough, often comes to mind. I chose a year ago to just be me and stay single. I tried dating, but every single one of them just seemed to only care about my looks and wanted sex. I won't be with anyone ever again, unless a good nice guy comes along and courts me. I do not even go anywhere to meet anyone, because I can't take the disappointment anymore. So I have been working on loving myself and being free...
You will find that time does eventually ease your pain. Keeping busy and the mind occupied is important, because if we are not occupied, we thnk too much about those hurtful things. Good luck and feel free to contact me if you need someone to listed to you that has been where you are....
You didn't want it to end so there's no reason why you wouldn't still have all these feelings towards her. And be proud that you can be that kind of person; that you still have that kind of integrity where you can't just shut people out so suddenly. That's not a defect in character. It won't minimize the pain you're in but it might help you feel better about still having those feelings.
You're not a fool to still feel them. There's no time limit for mourning, and it doesn't matter that they broke our hearts, we loved them. We have to heal and that takes a lot of time.
I have to say that sounds a little selfish on her part to even want the ring. She's obviously moving on without you so why does she want the it? That's was a symbol of commitment between 'you two' and she broke that so why ask to keep the ring? I couldn't do that. It seems almost like a slap in the face to you.
Sounds like Duke is a great source of comfort for you and that's a wonderful thing to do with him. It will help you more than you know.
All in all you sound like you're hanging in there pretty good, considering.
You're surely no fool and you're not pathetic for the way you still feel. I wish you the best, and Duke.
See you on my new thread,
Felix