Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have posted in Healthy Relationships, but I really need to change my thinking on this. I believe my marriage is coming to an end, but I keep trying to second guess this thought process and tell myself that we might be able to save it. I had someone ask me what reason I have to stay with my husband. After a couple days thinking about this, the only answer I could give is that I've been waiting for the old James to come back. The man I could talk to about absolutely anything. The man who I thought was so much like myself. we loved doing the same things and had similar backgrounds. I've been waiting for the man that I had so much fun laughing and playing with, as well as working beside, to come back to me. The one that made me feel so good about life and choosing him to share the rest of it with. But then he changed into a man who ignores and talks over me, became an extremely selfish lover and started belittling me. I wanted to believe this was temporary and that the real James would come back to me. Now, I keep telling myself that this is my real husband. The old James is never coming back because he didn't really exist. He was an illusion.
I've got an appt. with a counselor in one week. I started crying in the middle of the phone call because it feels like the beginning of the end for me. James didn't care enough about us to work together on our marriage when we did counseling together a couple years ago. He simply put in his time at the office, made his promises to work on things, and continued on doing the things that have created so many problems for us. He lasted 2 months before refusing to go to anymore. Now, I'll be going through counseling by myself to explore my options and prepare for the worst. I'm so angry with him, and I'm scared. I'm so scared of leaving and being on my own again. Not because I can't do it, but because I'll be alone from here on. I won't ever allow another man to enter my heart and have the power to hurt me this much ever again. The few years of love was not worth all the pain in my heart now.
Bobby5000, I have tried and tried to approach talks about our sex life. He knows what he’s doing is very upsetting to me. There is no foreplay. He’s taken the intimacy out of our sex life and turned it into something he does to me, not with me.
He is just a human being. Imperfect, messed up, often selfish, prideful, stubborn, unloving... like you & me. Whatever he thinks of you, or says about you does not change who you are. You are a thoughtful, sensitive, very articulate, insightful person who loves her family and her husband and wants to be one with him in every (perfect) way. I wonder if you have made him god in your life and are seeking your identity through him.
You need no person to validate you. I think it’s great to have a husband or lover with whom we can share our joy and laughter with. But we cannot expect them to define us or give us meaning in life. He is too imperfect and too small.
You do not need your husband to define who you are. You are so beautiful and wonderful! Perhaps you have made your husband too big in your life & you need to put him in his rightful place. That place is right by you where you can see his warts and flaws, where you can see that he is a broken human too who needs love and mercy, just like all of us here.