Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
THIS IS LONG, I need to vent. If you take the time to read, I appreciate it, but you have been warned :)
Sorry, I am having a tough morning as the day I will leave my marital home approaches. I have been taking my stuff to my new place and yesterday, as I was putting clothes in the closet, I felt very sad and with a deep sense of loss.
I was the one asking for the divorce, I know. People keep asking why, he didn't cheat on me, he makes good money, I have 2 wonderful children, he even said he could forgive the emotional affair I had a year ago... what else could I ask for?
I have been unhappy for years, and so has he. We both know it, difference is that he says he can live like that. I can't. We have no good memories, we don't have plans for the future and I feel crushed and lonely when I am next to him. Life should be good, I think, nor crying myself to sleep, or even worse, as I have done lately, drinking myself to sleep. He needs professional help, but refuses to even consider it.
I have done my best to make this a home for him, but when divorce was first put on the table, he said we should try to work things out. Months passed and i didn't see any changes. He still had his anger outbursts, he still managed to spoil what could have been happy moments, he is still deaf and blind to my needs.
So, I want out and out I am going. It took me years of sleepless nights, therapy and tears to get to this point. I am not taking it lightly. Divorce SUCKS but also sucks being married to someone who is not mentally healthy. He is not, but I can't diagnose his problem.
I am sad and depressed, some days are too much to handle, I mourn the love I had for this man, I mourn the loss of my hopes and what should have been the best years of my life. I am hurting because I know my children are in pain and I know he is in pain, too.
BUT PLEASE, STOP ASKING IF I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE. I suggested couples therapy and he agreed to it but as he kept showing no will to really be hands on things, I knew this has been dead for a while. I know I could suck it up and try to be happy with what I want, but truth is I am going crazy. Everything that makes me happy, upsets him. If he gives me a present, it's never what I want, it is what the thinks I need. I am not his partner, he is the captain of the boat, and he wants me to sink with him.
So, have I done everything to save my marriage? Answer is NO, people. I could but I won't. My energies are depleted and I have no good reason to keep on fighting. Sorry. I said it. I rather get away and heal myself.
One day at a time.
Sorry, I am having a tough morning as the day I will leave my marital home approaches. I have been taking my stuff to my new place and yesterday, as I was putting clothes in the closet, I felt very sad and with a deep sense of loss.
I was the one asking for the divorce, I know. People keep asking why, he didn't cheat on me, he makes good money, I have 2 wonderful children, he even said he could forgive the emotional affair I had a year ago... what else could I ask for?
I have been unhappy for years, and so has he. We both know it, difference is that he says he can live like that. I can't. We have no good memories, we don't have plans for the future and I feel crushed and lonely when I am next to him. Life should be good, I think, nor crying myself to sleep, or even worse, as I have done lately, drinking myself to sleep. He needs professional help, but refuses to even consider it.
I have done my best to make this a home for him, but when divorce was first put on the table, he said we should try to work things out. Months passed and i didn't see any changes. He still had his anger outbursts, he still managed to spoil what could have been happy moments, he is still deaf and blind to my needs.
So, I want out and out I am going. It took me years of sleepless nights, therapy and tears to get to this point. I am not taking it lightly. Divorce SUCKS but also sucks being married to someone who is not mentally healthy. He is not, but I can't diagnose his problem.
I am sad and depressed, some days are too much to handle, I mourn the love I had for this man, I mourn the loss of my hopes and what should have been the best years of my life. I am hurting because I know my children are in pain and I know he is in pain, too.
BUT PLEASE, STOP ASKING IF I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE. I suggested couples therapy and he agreed to it but as he kept showing no will to really be hands on things, I knew this has been dead for a while. I know I could suck it up and try to be happy with what I want, but truth is I am going crazy. Everything that makes me happy, upsets him. If he gives me a present, it's never what I want, it is what the thinks I need. I am not his partner, he is the captain of the boat, and he wants me to sink with him.
So, have I done everything to save my marriage? Answer is NO, people. I could but I won't. My energies are depleted and I have no good reason to keep on fighting. Sorry. I said it. I rather get away and heal myself.
One day at a time.
startingover2015
I am sorta new here but I get it! The whole present thing has bugged me for years. He would ask what I want, I would tell him and then poof, it would be something he "thought" I would like. Stupid and immature I know but I get it. I am depleted and empty as well. Have I done everything? Probably not as well. I cut myself off emotionally from him because all I got was hurt or pushed away! I feel like I can't breathe and more lonely with him than when I sit on the couch by myself. I'm right there with ya. Started the divorce proceedings last week.
avefenix
Startingover, it's not a matter of being immature, my STBX just doesn't think I am good enough to make decisions on my own, and where he knows best what I need (not what I want). It's a long story. I filed for divorce in April, but we haven't really moved forward in the process beyond me moving out last week. Stay strong and focused!
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