Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

1 Online

needafriendplease 11/07/2013

I did something i shouldnt have done. my husband made me block some male friends on face book when i was with him. Now that he is gone i unblocked them. one of them ive known for 18 yrs , it was a guy i used to work with back then and we did have a fling. which we ended on good terms back then. something i was open about with my husband. My husband didnt like this so he had me block him.
Now since i unblocked him we got chatting and he asked me out for a chat as friends. I went and we had nice chat but he was all over me and it was something i was not ready for. he hugged and kissed me before we said goodbye and gave me a bunch of flowers. I was not attracted to him and As i was driving home i knew i wouldnt meet him again but would just chat on facebook. I told him it was all to much to soon.
Anyway, my husband today was again waiting for me after work and he told me he had a video of me kissing that guy and that he gave me flowers. How would he know? i checked i wasnt followed.. .I told him whatever i do now has nothing to do with him. I told him he is the one that ruined our marriage. I got my phone out to ring police and he went. Now tonight he was hammering my door and throwing stones up at the window. I rang ploice and opened the window. He shouted up and said i know your with that guy, and your talking to him on facebook. He even knew some of the conversation i had with my friend. how?
I have just changed all passwords but i know he never had any of my previous ones anyway . How can he know all this? and after all he has done to me he is more concerned now about what im doing. "

needafriendplease 11/09/2013

Thankyou as time goes by

deleted_user 11/09/2013

Time to get serious about this guy. Go to the police, tell them everything that's going on and ask them what they suggest you do to protect yourself and get rid of him once and for all. I think cops are pretty sympathetic to a woman being stalked and may have some good suggestions for you. Definitely keep something by you that you can assault him with if he gets in or tries to grab you. Be smart. He's crazy. And he will never understand it's his fault because people like this can't take responsibility for themselves. Everything that happens to them is someone else's fault. Just ask my STBX.

needafriendplease 11/09/2013

I know cheryt. I have reported everything but they have to catch him in the act. He is gone before they come. He was charged the other week and as far as i know it will go to court

deleted_user 11/09/2013

Have they given you some suggestions for protecting yourself? That would be my concern right now. And make sure you have the case against him prosecuted. Many times women will drop the charges because they feel bad. Don't be that person. He needs to truly understand that his actions have consequences.

deleted_user 11/09/2013

Also, next time he shows up don't tell him you're calling the cops first. Just do it. Don't wait. As soon as he shows up call them. Maybe if the cops have to keep coming out all the time, they'll take it a little more seriously and get after this guy. Maybe even give him a warning.

needafriendplease 11/09/2013

yes next time i will just ring them. All they told me to do was to ring them if there any more instances and to keep a diary

deleted_user 11/09/2013

You and he have played this game so many times in the past that both of you have it all down pat as to what to do and you have the victim role down to being so helpless, you wouldn't stomp on an ant. He has the brut/dashing remorseful lover down so well, it seems syrupy at times. You'll cry and weep over this love, and you'll complain here, but you won't truly resist unless you feel another woman is involved.

I'm beginning to have my doubts about all of this. You didn't even know your U.K. laws on protecting yourself and you didn't even ask the police on protecting yourself--maybe because you don't have any intention of protecting yourself because we just have your word about it? Why do people here have to tell you about when to call the police when he's supposedly throwing stones at your window?

This sob story has been going on way too long. Some victims would even have gone so far as to dig holes on their property to give him a real feel for what sneaking around on their property after dark feels like (perhaps a broken ankle). But not you.

I'm concerned we're being pulled in on a game because stuff doesn't fit and you're just not concerned enough about protecting yourself. I'm' a woman and if I knew he was stalking me, I would have been scared enough to have been fully protected so he didn't get to my car, be at my door, or throw stones at my window. I would have viewed him as an attacker and dealt with him as such.

You keep calling yourself stupid and people rush to tell you that you're not stupid. That's a way of trying to make people feel sorry for you. I'm beginning to run out of sorry and I'm beginning to wonder if we're getting played here.

freeagain1014 11/12/2013

That dye comment is funny...I can just see it.. well deserved

Join the Conversation