I ditto what purplefinch said.....mine drank a LOT and struggled w/depression and showed many sides to ME and everyone else....he could be charming, funny, kind, hard-working, and thoughtful or he could be the world's biggest liar, mean, irresponsible, and lazy.... you didn't really know what you were going to get. Depended on whether or not he was drinking. It made me feel kind of crazy for loving him one day and hating him the next..

My stbx is like this as well, when it was just me and her, total asshattery. As soon as someone else enters the picture, she flips the b**** switch and gets into 'persona' mode. Acts chipper and nice to everyone, including me, then once the public is gone...poof...back to total mean. I'm glad I won't be putting up with that anymore. I do miss the 'good times' we had though, and that makes these switches so hard to take.

I'm surprised that I'm still getting responses to this topic since I posted it more than a month ago. But thank you all for taking the time to respond.

At least I know I'm not alone. It sounds like there are lots of people with a spouse or ex who only shows their true self at home.

is he mexican
unfortunately mexican men do that alot
lol

My wife was like an angel in public, and she was ok at home sometimes too, but no one got to see her Dr Jeckyl and My Hyde stuff except for me, the kids and some of the neighbours. Its wierd, one minute they love you, thank you for being such an awesome part of their lives, the next minute they blame you for everthing that goes wrong in the world. grrr..thats crazy making

Not so much a split personality, more like she just pretended not to be married at after-hours work functions and basically stopped wearing her ring altogether when she would leave the house starting in late November '08. She carried on an affair with a co-worker under the pretense that she was no longer married even though I didn't file until March '09.

ok, he is controlling, he has some issues with you, when you confront him, what does he say about it? Maybe he is just tired about putting a nice face and finds home a place where he can put the mask down. Ignore him in an exacerated way, don't talk, let him fret, fuss, go away, punish him until he comes to you and wants to aknowledge that his behavior hurts you. Go the old fashion way if the counselling doens't work.

The solution to me seems to be to dump his lying ass and get away from the toxic a-hole.

Gee, I think you're married to my ex!

Exactly the same type of behavior.

How do you fix it? Hire a good divorce attorney and a counselor. That's how I fixed my problem.

Seriously, though. This is verbal abuse. Read The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. And get counseling for yourself to help you heal from the abuse.

Hugs!

I have to confess. I have a split personality. Big GSCH and Bigger GSCH. Some times Big GSCH does the thinking and that is when I get in trouble. It is like he has a mind of his own.

my ex would love on me and hold me,kiss me, hold hands, everything very sweet as long as we were at someones place or at a social gathering, then when we would get home, she wouldnt touch me, especially the last 6 months...she was always a fake and always will be...i seriously believe her weight loss damaged her mentally and even her own family agrees

Counseling didn't help you saw it, right? Did you try separete counseling?

Yes, we did try separate counseling. He quit after two sessions. He said he wasn't sure that he had a problem and thought the counselor was worthless. Of course, he hasn't made any effort to find a new counselor. He says we need to go to counseling together. I've told him that I absolutely would not do that again. He lies about things that have happened, and I end up looking like I'm overreacting or being unreasonable.

I am seeing a marriage counselor myself. She is very good. Even if I can't fix the marriage, I can at least learn how to avoid ending up in a relationship with someone who has the same problems.

jekyll and hyde

Not really... My x was stingy publically and at home. He never got excited about anything either in or outside the home. He became mean to me at home and even in public the last 3 months of our time together. At least he was consistent.