Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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I've literally made myself sick this entire weekend over a situation. Any input is greatly appreciated.....I'm torn.
I crossed paths with someone last week. This gentleman came into. Y business. We chatted for a while. A long while. He immigrated here from Italy 7 years ago. We share the same culture and he even tested my speaking skills. We talked about all kinds of things...and he asked if I would like to have coffe with him next Wednesday ( which was the Wednesday we just passed)
He ended up calling me the next day..and asked if we could meet on Sunday. I said sure...thinking it was instead of the Wednesday plan. We met up last Sunday...and again on Wednesday. All went well and we spent a lot of time talking this week on the phone too.
Here is my issue...
He's perfect. Beautiful inside and out. Smouldering, charming, sweet, accomplished, a talented musician, refined, etc.
I think he's great....and even though he is so beautiful to be with..I just don't feel a spark. And there's no reason not to.
Am I intimidated? Scared? I have no clue....but there's no sparkle..no zing..no energy.
What do I do? I want there to be...but there isn't. Does it grow over time...or is this my gut saying he's just not for me?
Ideas?
I crossed paths with someone last week. This gentleman came into. Y business. We chatted for a while. A long while. He immigrated here from Italy 7 years ago. We share the same culture and he even tested my speaking skills. We talked about all kinds of things...and he asked if I would like to have coffe with him next Wednesday ( which was the Wednesday we just passed)
He ended up calling me the next day..and asked if we could meet on Sunday. I said sure...thinking it was instead of the Wednesday plan. We met up last Sunday...and again on Wednesday. All went well and we spent a lot of time talking this week on the phone too.
Here is my issue...
He's perfect. Beautiful inside and out. Smouldering, charming, sweet, accomplished, a talented musician, refined, etc.
I think he's great....and even though he is so beautiful to be with..I just don't feel a spark. And there's no reason not to.
Am I intimidated? Scared? I have no clue....but there's no sparkle..no zing..no energy.
What do I do? I want there to be...but there isn't. Does it grow over time...or is this my gut saying he's just not for me?
Ideas?
Whatever happens, be good to yourself!
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
I would say, give it lots of time, there is no hurry, hopefully.
Just relax and enjoy yourself, but, as I know you will, if there is a hint of a red flag, take more time and listen to your gut.
In other words what everybody else said rolled into one
We both just came out of relationships...and his much sooner than mine. Jay and I broke up in April...he just ended with someone in September. I don't want a rebound thing.
Part of the issue also...he wants a very serious relationship. I don't know that I can have that kind of pressure on me. He asked me what I was "looking for". I told him I wasn't looking for anything. I'm not looking. I don't put myself out there to date or find someone. I also told him that my happiness doesn't depend on relationships and that I am fine alone. If someone comes along ok..if not..that's ok too. He didn't like that answer.
Is that a problem? Polar opposites in many ways....
For the record....I don't want to be the " man" in a relationship. I think the thought of getting his hands dirty would freak him out.
I just want to be me....
If he knows what you want, and keeps pressuring you anyway---he is not the one and I know your gut will tell you. This is a terrific chance to learn how he will be. If he values you and what you want.
this one sounds like a man that might be fun to date for a while but he doesn't sound like settling down material. that's my hunch anyway.
but, trust your own intuition and knowledge of yourself over anything that we say here. we know ourselves far better than anyone else knows us.
I like your answer when he asked what you're looking for. I think it was honest. I often feel that way, too. Like, how come every time there's a "date" there has to be an immediate "what are you looking for? What do you want?" kind of thing...I don't know why people can't just BE and let things happen.
It does sound like you're finding reasons not to, and I think if you give him a little more time, you may know better if it's spark-worthy or not.
The idea he wants something serious after bgetting out of a relationship a month ago is a little pink flaggy, but he wouldn't know if you're a rebound any more then you might.
I think your attitude is very free-ing. I feel the same way. Relationships don't create or define us; but...I also think most men feel a need to be needed and get "turned off" by women who know what they want and can accomplish it.
Do what's right for YOU.
Im just a regular kind of girl. I'd rather kick around in Levi's and cowboy boots, love to be outdoors, etc. He is the opposite, I do believe. Those are the differences I was talking about.
What happens to those? I won't give up being me for anyone. Not that he has asked me to, but would that create conflict down the road?
He is not a musician by profession...he is a police officer...although plays in the local symphony.
I love so many things about him...and like I said....I think he's perfect....just perfect...although there is no sparkle to it.
I know myself well enough to know that I "need" some kind of spark. Seriously, I couldn't ask for anything more in a man than what I see in him....it's me.
Ugh. This is painful...truly.... It's as if I being offered an opportunity of a lifetime...only to not be seeing it.
And yep..trying...I think that is a pink flag too...he wants to be settled...NOW. I have no rush..especially not for marriage.
In the past 7 or so years the number of wives murdered or beaten by their husbands who are police officers has soared. I'm not saying your guy is like that, I'm just reiterating, please watch for red flags, and take things slow. I can't help but wonder why he wants to get serious after such a short time single. Please be careful. You keep using the word perfect--- for me, that is a red flag, although I admit, I am strange.