I went through a real rough breakup. Never been the relationship type, but stumbled upon "the one." We had committed our lives to each other, were raising her son together, dreaming of what was to come. Then she took a hard right, found herself addicted to cocaine while I was working out of the country, decided to be a party girl but keep it to herself. Lies abound, infidelity, the works. I gave all I could but had my fill. Walked away. Moved out of the country, even. She'd still find reasons to contact me. Try to provoke responses by smearing my name. Real low-class stuff. Not at all the woman I knew or loved. Some stranger in her form.

I was lucky to be able to separate my feelings about the relationship from the person. I understood that I was mourning the loss of what we had, but I knew I wanted no future with the person she'd become. Still hard, though. Lot of rebound behavior. Kept with my responsibilities, mostly, but found time to swim to the bottom of bottles with friends or strangers. Mostly strangers. One-night stands. Prostitutes, even. Not that I look down upon the profession. It's legal where I live. There was something cathartic about paying for company and waking up alone. But I was just sifting through my pain. Running from it. Trying to shoo it away. Then I took a weekend on my couch, turned off my phone, and let every film I watched bring me to tears. Three days of malnutrition and dehydration.

When I got off of that couch, I started sorting through old photos, some of my old writing, some of my newer ideas. I went for a walk on the beach. I stared into the sun a little too long. Then I got on my Harley and rode nearly six thousand miles in three weeks. Since I returned, I've been waking with the sun, taking time to make myself breakfast, brushing up on my spanish during my morning workout, and taking a couple hours out of my day to swim in the ocean.

Ya see, I really loved her. That warm, love to fall asleep with feet entangled, love to kiss her eyelids in the morning, love to laugh and play and sing, love to dance like nobody's watching kind of love. But man, I got so caught up that when things began to fall apart, I forgot to love me. Now I'm falling in love all over again, and it's the best romance I've ever known. Me and my love, we play in the morning, we move easy through the day, and we fall asleep looking forward to the sunrise. Maybe someday I'll stumble upon someone accidentally, some gentle beauty who stops and asks directions or needs to bum a light. Maybe she or I will be forward enough to tug the conversation a little long, whip up the words to share a laugh. Maybe I'll buy her a coffee or she'll write her number on my hand. And maybe me and my love, we'll want to share this romance with her; maybe she will want to share in it. But as for now my love and I, we are together alone, truly happy and free.