((((((((Llmt))))))))
Don't apologize for needing support. We are always here when you need us. That's the main reason I'm still on this site with all the most recent drama. To support my friends. You just fake it til you make it Sweetie. I'm sorry, it sucks and it hurts. That's about all I've got for you other than more hugs....(((((Llmt))))
Love you, Girl!!

yeah, you should never apologize for having a weak moment. we all need support at sometime or another, that's why we are here, to help and support each other. i can't offer much in the way of advice as i am pretty tapped out myself, but just know that there are people out there that care. i hope your day gets better.

How can you let it go. He's pushed you out of the picture. Instead of moving far away, He's in your face, everywhere you look. And saying nothing is just eating at you and making it worse for you.
I go through the same thing, but if I hold it in to long, I snap. He'll do something to put me over the edge and I'll tell him off.
I know it doesn't do anything to help him see things in a "normal" light, but my frustrations are released.
I''m sorry you are going through this my friend - Hold your head up high knowing you were not the one who's the dirtbag.
(((lmnt)))

1. Sorry = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rX0EzgK9u0&playnext=1&videos=ce4Mw0Gz-8k


2. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((( sis ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


3. Letting it go....I've got no clear-cut answer for you. We all know you're trying. You're still very hurt...about being betrayed...breaking up the family-unit...and unfortunately, with their age it's hard to explain it all, or have them understand a lot of it. You need to start trusting in YOURSELF that you can make it as best you can for the boys. The living arrangement is going to take it's tolls on certain days...there's no doubt about that. Keep talking it out...make that therapist appointment, too.

And remember we're all here for you...

extra *Wookiee hugs*

No worries everyone needs an ear to listen to at times. Besides this is the place to do it... Well it is not an easy thing to say but time. I have been seperated from my wife for about 18 months now and there are times I still feel pain. Well to be honest there are a lot of times I do but it helps to talk to people or for me just being around people has helped me out tremendously.

L...unfortunately I have no answer to this as well. Other than to say we're here for you and to never apologize for looking for support that's the main reason we are all here. Take comfort in the FACT your boys will see who's with it. I know your boys are young as are my girls....and right now its impossible to explain things to them. But for me and I struggle with it and it is hard....I try and keep in mind that I'm the parent that the girls can come to no matter what. I'm the parent that is ALWAYS looking out for their best interest and I know you're the same. I've been told and I agree kids are smart...they will see it at some point. The hard thing is when that point will be. But try and take comfort in your boys seeing you for who you are and thats a great mother who is always there for them. Everything else DOES NOT MATTER....at this point its about the 3 of you and who care about all that other stuff. Keep your head up....and again we are all here for you.

I don't know, L... my kids are older, and if they are upset about the OW, I cry right with them... I accept the fact that he is deciding to put this on them, not me. You can't control what other people do. But you can choose to let go of guilt that isn't yours to begin with. Your ex could have stepped up and worked his ass off for the marriage, because you have kids together and marriage is something worth fighting for. He chose not to. So did my ex.

The guilt belongs to them. I hope that you can let it go... ((((L)))))

Its been over two years for me and I am still trying to let go of all the FEELINGS that my break up gave such fertile ground to grow inside me.Her and I never had any closure. I am angry, I want answers. I am lonely, I want it back the way it used to be. The break up opened so many doors inside. I am so tired but what am I going to do? I mean the divorce had me going over my whole life looking at me as a person, the good points the bad points my character defects. The break up started an Indy 500 inside my brain and all I want to do is move on, but I can't because the feelings and the questions won't stop and she will not sit down with me and let me ask her why after 23 years she asked me to leave. Ok, so I have one strong defense mechanism against the saddness, the confusion, again the horrible loneliness, and the constant self examination of my value as a decent person, that onebullet in my arsinal is my intellect. I try to use it because that is all I got. I have learned I can't do anything about the way she feels or thinks, at night lying alone I concentrate as hard as I can on being my own best friend. I try to remind myself that as lousy as the feelings I am living with everyday are, I feel them and then I try to let the "real me", the "power me", fight back. It's like "Ok luxx lets get better", or lets try to get better. I feel all these lousy feelings, me and about 10 million other people and time will erode them and they will go away. I put so much effort into thinking the thoughts that are healing and even though this effort doesn't wipe out the discomfort I have faith it is the road to healing and being free of feeling miserable. I am not alone in how totally destructive a break up can be. I want to get over this and this site has been here and I haven't used it for the power it has to heal, like your post waking me up to not slip into being passive in finding healing, seeing the strenght in others, learning from them. Ok I have rambled enough, just finally feelings all eventually fade and are replaced by new ones and because we have a mind we can use it to make them feelings of peace. I wrote that so I could see it. thanks for letting me write, luxx

Get the book "Getting Past Your Past" by Susan j Elliot. I wished i had known about this book when everything first happened. There is also a wb site. Please be kind to yourself you are stronger than you will ever realize.

Take one day at a time, make time ot spend more quality time with your kids whenever possible, be the best mother you could possibly be - which I am sure you are already. This is what matters to your kids. Your love for them. Hugs to you.

Sorry your not feeling well llmt.

I've pretty much given up with the ex not just as a spouse but as a decent person/mother. I've come - almost to accept that I have little control of their time spent with her but ya it's hard.

My good friend is a photographer and he worked in a big co. His superior was a total dikhed and he was driving my buddy nuts and to the point of quitting. I told him your a good person and great at photography don't let this ass drive u down - hang in there EVENTUALLY shit floats. A few weeks later his superior was fired and my friend had a good career there. Hope this analogy helps.

(((((((hugs)))))))

You are a wonderful person L, you do not need him for your happy... your happy is within you.... you did not do this, let him own his own mistakes, his lack of feelings... they are his, not yours!

((((((((((((((L)))))))))))))))

I don't think i have any answers for you L. Just wanted to say how sorry i am that it is so rough right now. Big hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, don't feel guilty about feeling bad--you are entitled to be hurt and angry. If you try to ignore the feelings, they will just fester inside you like a bad infection.

While there is nothing you can do about them, there are things you can do about and for YOU. You can begin to find new social places; you can eventually find a new home and make it YOURS. All of these things take time, but eventually you will make your peace with things.

For now, it's okay to hurt and vent. That's why we are here.

Sending loads of hugs!!!

This is something that some people handle better than others. As all have said, you need not apologize for needing support. I understand your feelings. I dealt with that years ago as well. She had live in-lovers, numerous boyfriends and her bedroom door should have had a revolving door on it. It took many years for me to deal with this. I tried to stay focused on other things and not think too much about this, the best I could. There was hatred for me in the marriage and moreso after I had to leave. It took her getting cancer, being placed on a ventilator in ICU before there was any healing and that was almost 38 years after we separated. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I totally understand where you are coming from.