Sandy you should listen to Brene Brown's talk on TED about The Power of Vulnerability. Really good message and insight.

Scared to see a therapist? Hiding things from them doesn't serve you in any capacity.

Sandy - be an open book, don't concern yourself with what will happen after. The bast way to get help is to seek it, then do it. You, knowing you need help and then taking the step, is BIG. Don't hinder your progress by hiding stuff. You can do it.

(And, I'm from Rochester, and they have excellent hospitals/counseling. You got this)

So I tell this guy, the first time that I meet him, that I am scared that I will/may/could hurt myself? What will happen if I do that? Will they put me away? I can't leave my daughter - she needs me - I can't risk that.

Obviously, you are dealing with depression, which is quite common and treatable.

The thoughts you are having is not unusual in your situation. I know that I had horrible thoughts for a long time after Dday. Thankfully, they have gone away.

A good therapist needs to know how you are feeling. From your discussion, you can identify what is causing you to feel this way.

Then you can take actions to help them go away.

Sandy,
Please let them help you so you will feel better. They can't help you, to their best ability, if you don't tell them everything.
I wish you the very best.

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Yeah. They will ask that specific question, and if its remained a thought process, and nothing that you have taken any action toward, or something that was a fleeting thought, and didn't spend an inordinate time thinking about, it should be okay.

Sandy-
They will not just drag you off to an institution and lock you up for letting him know youve had thoughts of hurting yourself. they will help YOU and give YOU the power to move past it until they truly honestly feel you are really a threat to yourself or to others. You have to trust them to do whats in your best interests.
And even then, there are many other avenues other than severe psychiatric treatment. They dont want to hurt your children either.

You are not alone here, and we are not strangers. We love you :)

Sandy-
Hey! We have all felt that way one time or another. You arent alone. Its not "sad" that you are reaching out. Its actually a "good" thing. Why do you think all of us are here? We need the support of others. We need a third party to help us through whatever we are going through. Kind of gives us a new light or perspective on things. If it goes further than that, then you need to speak to a counselor. Im ready for one myself, we can do this together!
The people on here are friends even though you have never met them. I talked to a lady on here a few years back. We were going thru the same thing. It helped so much that she ended up being my female best friend. We have met in person and talk on the phone whenever time allows it. We all need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent to and arms to hug us. Just most of what you need you are getting thru this website. Hang in there girl, life sucks sometimes but we all eventually get thru the dark clouds. :)

Thanks guys. I guess shame has a lot to do with it. I should be able to handle this. I don't feel depressed - just incredibly angry. I am filled with such intense anger that it scares me.

To see him laying on her bed on FuckBook, in the clothes that I bought him, as smug as shit. It almost made me explode. He owes me so much money, he owes my father so much money, he owes 8 years of past taxes, he owes $20,000 in child support, and he slides through life like the snake he is and I find it overwhelmingly frustrating. I am like an OCD sicko checking her page. Not because I want him back, believe me I don't, but because I want to see how he plays her. How this manipulative shit does it. I know it's none of my business, but I can't help it.

I know what you are all going to say - stop looking. I know that I need to, only because it makes me so angry, but the curiosity kills me.

Sandy,
We have been there too, so please do not feel alone.
We are here for you Sandy.
Things will get better.

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He is manipulating you, Sandy. Please don't let that Snake manipulate you. He puts that picture up there so YOU will see it and it will make you so incredibly mad. He is controlling you, Sandy.
Please don't let him control you. Facebook is a fantasy as people put stuff up there they WANT people to see, whether it is true or not.

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Hi Sandy, I agree with gem111, she's absolutely right, the only reason those pictures are there on Facebook is to taunt you ! I had the same thing happen to me, and you're right,it's hard not to look. But in the long run, it feels better Not looking.

Take care.

Yes, curiosity WILL kill you!!! Its hard as hell to do but you have to delete and block him. Why are you torturing yourself? I deactivated my account yesterday and when i get back on (at a later time) if they (my friend and his ex) are both on my friends list, it will be something that I have to do. DELETE and BLOCK!!
They only post stuff that they know will hurt you. I deleted my ex boyfriend and it lasted about 2 years. At first, id randomly unblock him to check up on him, but after a while it got to the point that i didnt care anymore. Out of sight out of mind. It worked!
Please get rid of the cheese in the trap he is setting for you. You are worth so much more than those stupid ass middle school games he is playing with you!