Yeah. Pride out the window is okay. Integrity, however, is not.

I can't really say if it's ok or not. I felt I needed to send mine to help me have a chance to say things he never let me say. But that was specific to my breakup. But I have been NC since, because he never replied and it is over. So for my own peace of mind I needed to stop all communication.

You sent it, can't change that now. But you may not get the response you are looking for, or a response at all.

Just be prepared for that and take care of yourself right now, it's crucial.

she texted me saying that she understood I was sorry and sorry if she upset me in any kind of way but I wasn't meant for her and she couldn't be with someone who "spoke to her" how I did that night.

I have so much regret, I'm so hurt. I can barely move and the day isn't even half way over. FUCKKKKKK

A valued lesson one of my ex's taught me.

Choose your words carefully, for once they have been released, you cannot recall them. Ever.

I'd give anything to take all of it back and rewind and do things right. I don't know what to do. My heart is shattered and its all my damn fault. I'm such an idiot

#19

oh my, same lesson my father taught me, on my wedding day even

cool

Well, sadly I think all you can do is respect her wishes. We cant control other people or manipulate time to change anything. Believe me, Ive been where you are.
Stop beating yourself up, learn from this and be the best person you can be.

Cry, talk, hit pillows or maybe see a therapist?

yea i know. Its just the fact that I know I'm not the only one who made a mistake. sure we weren't together when she did that but she knew i was hanging in the balance. And i dont see how what she did was right. Its just so unfair and i wish she could just see that. :-/

i just want to hide under my desk and cry or something.

Well, it is unfair. And there's no guarantee that acknowledging that would change the outcome.

If you can, go take a walk and cry or clear your head. I do that a lot at work.

I'm about to take lunch and do just that, clear my head. My buddy just said something that sparked my brain. Shes trying to justify her actions with what I said to her about it and thats bullshit.

Thank you guys for being so helpful.

3 1/2 mts is not that long to be feeling like you do. But i guess you loved her and everybody is different. Just imagine how some of us feel who were married for more than 20 yrs like me. What would you do then? Be strong. It is a process to get over somebody you love but it takes time. For some it is longer than others and everybody deals with it differently. Try to keep busy and be around supportive family and/or friends.

Just learn from it?

You can make each other wrong, and that's all lovely, and justified and stuff, but serves no purpose but to give you a false sense that you didn't have your part in it, and potentially perpetrate it again in your next relationship.

this is all very true. I dont even know howd I would feel if i had been married for 20+ years and this happened. Either way its tough because I genuinely cared for her.

I know it probably wouldnt help the situation if she being remorseful about what she did, and i need to just let that go.

I cant say that I understand how you feel because only you do but I went through something very similar. I started to realize that the more I kept myself busy, working a lot, cutting the grass, yardwork, walking, listening to music (no love songs) and especially doing things with my kids. Making sure you dont fall into habits that will allow you to sit and mull over things. It might sound odd but I also started to realize that on days that I ate well, I felt good (crazy huh) and days that I mulled over things and didnt eat well I felt like crap. This site and the people on it were also a HUGE help in keeping my mind open and moving forward. So BIG HUGS TO ALL OF MY DS FRIENDS!!! YOUR THE BEST!!!!!!