Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Oh boy oh boy,
I don't even know where to begin with this. Thank you to those that are taking the time to read this. I have been in a relationship for 3 years, 1.5 of them separated. I met a man who I loved and we were great until things started to come out. Cheating, STD scares... he admitted to having cheated on me twice in our relationship, 6 months in our relationship. I couldn't understand why and how can someone who shows me so much love and affection can be doing that behind my back. We obviously didn't recover from this but we chose to work it out. He explained that there were parts of him where he is inclined to cheat and that it all came from his past.
We agreed to move forward with the understanding that there were things he needed to work on. One of them was going to therapy because he then admitted to having porn addiction since the age of 14. Life was tough at that point, everything seemed to be pushing us away. He lost his job, he became depressed, I became resentful and everything wad just spiraling. But both him and I wanted to make it work, we just did not know how to break the cycle. October 2019, he decided to move from his apartment, and my family and I helped him move. That same night, he had screenshotted something to me not realizing that I could see he was active on Grindr (a man dating/hookup app).
You can only imagine how I felt, confused, disgusted and when I confronted him about this, it all came out. His sex addiction was worse than I thought. He was hooking up with men, and from what he explained it was something that has come from his childhood trauma. He has been exposed to sexual activity from the age of 4 and that has messed with how he sees intimacy. Now I know what you are thinking, run girl run. But there was a part of me that understands trauma and I see how it can impact people in different ways. I chose to stay but the following 6 months were hell. We fought, i couldn't get over it and he also decided to give up and ended up breaking up with me.
Following out breakup, he has tried for over a year, and here we are now. Long story short, we tried again recently. I see him changing, I see him making the right steps to become better but for me...I am the problem now. Full of anger, I can't keep the peace, everything triggers me and he is just there... trying. This past two weeks it has been nothing but arguments. There is something within me that wants to be with him but I can't just let go! So we are here at this point, we got into a huge fight and now he is ignoring me, blocked me.
How did I turn out to be the toxic one in this relationship?... any words of advice or truth are welcome.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
FIRST YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM OR FIX HIM, whew....
Now the bad news, unless he stays in counseling, and finds a group "SA" , and works the 12 step program, his change is only temporary. He will always fight his demons of sex addiction. He does not know how to truly love only how to please.
Good news, you can work on you, you can take time to heal, you can grow and learn from this.
Disagreeing with your bf/husband is ok, and expected. Not fighting thou.
I would go NC for a while possible 90 days, just to get your time to process and recover.
Yes you might actually be toxic for him, that does not mean you are a toxic person,just means that he has a lot to work on.
in your journal write down all the good things you did today i.e. I did not go get that extra milkshake today.
Write down how you are feeling about yourself and your relationship.
i pray you are safe and healthy.
This guy is full of crap, to be honest. He is using excuses to justify his cheating on you. The things he has told you about his past might not even be true. You know he has a history of lying. And he is trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him.
Whether he has a bad past or not, you need to give him the space so that he can work on his own life. You can NOT be with him during this time, as it puts you in huge risk of getting HIV from him. That is NO joke.
As said above, seek counseling for yourself so you can learn why you would ever want to be with a man like that to begin with. That you wanting to "help him" is being more his mother than anything else.
He needs professional help. There is nothing you can do to help him.
It can not work with him. And you are putting yourself in great danger of getting HIV, which can kill you.
Please seek counseling for yourself. I wish you all the best.
Sometimes it's very hard to forgive someone. Betrayal is a deep wound. Eventhough there are parts of the relationship I really do miss...I know that I had given enough clean slates...that I wasn't ready to give another.
Giving him a clean slate meant letting a large chunk of head be brainwashed again...and my emotions get suppressed even further.
Sometimes...the damage done is not fixable. Sometimes the damage is so hurtful...to the core.
Sometimes the damage is so painful, it's just easier to let go and start anew.
Sometimes letting go of someone to deal with their addictions, and you with your hurt is the best thing you can do for both of you. That is also showing love.
Sending you light and love.