So... My back story first. Nov 2014 ex wife leaves me for another man she met only 2 weeks before after spending a year prior to that telling me we were ok and that she loved me. No communication on how unhappy she was. Of course there were signs, but I never knew for a moment that she was that unhappy.
Anyway, fast forward almost 2 years and I'm in a relatively good place mentally, emotionally and financially.
Now I find myself kind of feeling lonely on a pretty regular basis, I miss being part of a couple and I definitely miss her.
I've dated a few women, but the results always end up the same, they're not interested and I'm really starting to feel like there's something wrong with me. The last woman I dated lasted 4 months, and her hesitation was that I have kids and she doesn't have kids and wasn't sure she was ready to date a man with children. Fair enough, I can understand that.
I don't feel like it would be difficult to find dates. Online dating has made it easier than ever to meet new people, it's great. Right now though I feel afraid. I'm afraid of being rejected yet AGAIN. I open up the dating apps, I match some people and even have some women saying hi to me first. Then I don't respond.
I think it's because I've become really disillusioned about love. I don't really see a point in trying to find something that no one seems to be willing to work on. Now I have nothing against women, but 70% of all divorces are initiated by women (the interesting thing is that in non married relationships the breakups are equal). And I have read so many pro-divorce articles often written by women. Too many articles where the initiator has openly said that there wasn't anything overtly wrong, but they just had to find "themselves" or they were "unhappy".
I guess I find it hard to believe that I could trust anyone again with these thoughts, actions and ideas being the driving force behind many divorces. The whole Eat, Pray, Love thing! (Which by the way her and her husband of 15 years, who she met on her Eat, Pray, Love adventure are now splitting). I find it almost pointless to even try or to even bother.
See I'm not basing this off just those things alone. I gave my heart to my ex 100%. There was no out for me. We made a family and in that commitment (abuse is always an out) I would have worked on what would have been needed to make sure we got over the bad times. I really trusted her. I understand that we had some issues, and I clearly see what mine were after the fact. My point is though, is that she based her decision off of how she was feeling over a short amount of time. A feeling that is fleeting and changes. Her unhappiness, as though it was my fault that she was unhappy. Never mind all the great times. It just seems people (men included) are often so willing to throw it all away, only to discover that how they feel may not be any different down the road and that the real work needs to start with them.
Our throw away culture saddens me. It saddens me that people aren't willing to take the time to reconnect. They're all too eager to shed what they think is their cause of strife, for something new and shiny.
Seems really pointless if you ask me... Love just seems like a losing game, and that no matter what, someone will ALWAYS get hurt, ALWAYS! I know that this is a sad way of being, and I also know that at some point I will probably fall madly in love again and forget that I ever felt this way. For now I'm trying to embrace my single life and do some personal growth and enjoy just being me without the expectations of another.
For now I sign off... The Late Brew!
My husband and I aren’t able to discuss the affair yet (DDay Feb 8). We both went to IC when this first happened, and his counselor said they couldn’t talk about the affair until they talked about him because he has no emotions. He has been working with his counselor to connect to his emotions and so far he’s really only been able to connect to feeling sad for his siblings at some point in...