Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Married 30 yrs. and been divoreced 5 yrs. Since my divorce I've been in 2 relationships where both women broke it off because I did not discuss a future with marriage in it, even though they never communicated with me that this is what they wanted. I knew this based on their discussions with others.
I have to say that I'm totally fearful of marriage based on my previous marriage, where I had a major financial lose and endured a great deal of emotional pain.
I believe that regardless how great that other person is the're are no gurantees that the marriage will last. I feel two people can be in a committed relationship, however not married.
Current statistics show that: 53% of the first marriages end in divorce and 65% of second marriages end. And what's totally surprising is that those still married, "only 35% of them are happy".
I'm also seeing more seniors adopting a committed long term relatioinship without the paper.
So what are your thoughts???
I have to say that I'm totally fearful of marriage based on my previous marriage, where I had a major financial lose and endured a great deal of emotional pain.
I believe that regardless how great that other person is the're are no gurantees that the marriage will last. I feel two people can be in a committed relationship, however not married.
Current statistics show that: 53% of the first marriages end in divorce and 65% of second marriages end. And what's totally surprising is that those still married, "only 35% of them are happy".
I'm also seeing more seniors adopting a committed long term relatioinship without the paper.
So what are your thoughts???
Like the saying "once bitten, twice shy".
You might want to put your aversion to marriage out there in the beginning to avoid this in the future. If you are ok with a committed relationship, just not marriage, you can let them know this. Otherwise some people might take it very personally. Let them know about your emotional stance on this.
Personally, some people might say I never married because of my parents divorce, but for me, it was their marriage. 25 years- and my mom said "The first 2 years were good, but then"... so that means 23 years of misery. They had 6 kids and they didn't fight or any of that, just obviously mismatched and not in love. My mom was a Catholic housewife so divorce was out of the question for her, yet she always moaned about crushes she had (an 8 year old should really not hear about that!)
When they finally divorced it was like "jeez, it's about time". A bad marriage sounds like hell to me, and a bad divorce would just be sh*t icing on the sh*t cake. I totally don't blame you at all for wanting to do it twice.
I think it's oversold; I've also heard of some people who were good with each other, even living together, and somehow marriage changed things for the worse. Obviously, that's not everyone's outcome, but you have to know what's right for you.
I think it's bunk to think we all have to live according some normative rule. What works for you is what works for you. I would just clarify that from the outset with a potential partner.