Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Married 30 yrs. and been divoreced 5 yrs. Since my divorce I've been in 2 relationships where both women broke it off because I did not discuss a future with marriage in it, even though they never communicated with me that this is what they wanted. I knew this based on their discussions with others.
I have to say that I'm totally fearful of marriage based on my previous marriage, where I had a major financial lose and endured a great deal of emotional pain.
I believe that regardless how great that other person is the're are no gurantees that the marriage will last. I feel two people can be in a committed relationship, however not married.
Current statistics show that: 53% of the first marriages end in divorce and 65% of second marriages end. And what's totally surprising is that those still married, "only 35% of them are happy".
I'm also seeing more seniors adopting a committed long term relatioinship without the paper.
So what are your thoughts???
I have to say that I'm totally fearful of marriage based on my previous marriage, where I had a major financial lose and endured a great deal of emotional pain.
I believe that regardless how great that other person is the're are no gurantees that the marriage will last. I feel two people can be in a committed relationship, however not married.
Current statistics show that: 53% of the first marriages end in divorce and 65% of second marriages end. And what's totally surprising is that those still married, "only 35% of them are happy".
I'm also seeing more seniors adopting a committed long term relatioinship without the paper.
So what are your thoughts???
Divorce Rate Statistics of 1st, 2nd and 3rd Marriages
Various studies on US rate of divorce show significant differences when a comparison is made in 1st, 2nd and 3rd marriage breakups in America. The marriage breakup rate in America for first marriage is 41% to 50%; the rate after second marriage is from 60% to 67% and the rate in America for 3rd marriage are from 73% to 74%. Reports also say that couples with children have a slightly lower rate of breakup as compared to couples without children. This is due to the fact that being childless is one of the prime causes behind divorce in America. Also, the children of divorced parents are prone to divorcing 4 times more than the children of couples who are not divorced.
http://www.divorcestatistics.info/divorce-statistics-and-divorce-rate-in-the-usa.html
What else in life would you even consider getting involved with that had this much of a failure rate. Would you buy a car or an appliance if you knew that it was this likely to fail? It is amazing the crap most of us are willing to tolerate just to have someone say they love us, or just so we wont be alone.
I also know I'm not ready for it because I enjoy my independence so much right now that I don't see, or want to see, striking a balance between my life and a married couple life.
If I was sitting here, at 33, never married...maybe I would have the "woe is me" attitude...but, nah, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Staying committed for a long time is fine with me. To me, it really is just a piece of paper; and it's definitely not a safeguard against anything.
This site puts up a bunch of posts when it takes a notion. It's not your computer. it happens all the time
Lately, finances are not as stable and not surprisingly I'm finding myself seeing marriage as more as an option to pursue. Solution? probably ultimately not...
HOWEVER and of importance to note. I also find that I would like to share my life and have companionship and hey some love would be great too. oh yes, sex also!!!
Sure this could be accomplished in a long term relationship.
Soooo, anyhow, I don't know if it's social conditioning or if because my first marriage is with an abusive nut job alcoholic but for some reason I feel compelled to pursue marriage again with a normal man.
The reason I got married was because I knew other people would take us moIre seriously as a couple if we did (not the best reason, I now realize!) When we split up, I resented that we had to go through the courts and pay fees, rather than just being able to end things as we chose. And, I resent that an announcement about it was printed in the newspaper for all to see, because it's a matter of "public record." So, I'm not sure if I'd marry again or not.
Jazzman, why do you say that most childless couples divorce because of it? My ex-husband and I chose not to have children, but that had nothing whatsoever to do with the reasons we divorced. I was committed for life, and never wanted to divorce, but my ex had commitment issues and was not capable of a long-term commitment, IMO.
But...(there's always one). I have- finally!- met a guy who is ...as close to The one as it ever gets. We've been together for a year and a half and things are only getting better. That in itself still didn't change my opinion on marriage, I'm perfectly happy as we are. But a sickness in a family kind of did...Long story short, I did realise that as a "common law wife" I'm as good as a stranger. That made me think and even research the subject quite extensively. I now know that no matter how much paper work (on the financial side) has been thought of, that still won't change the fact that in the eyes of the law we are strangers, no matter if it was 2 months or 20 years.
I'm still not saying I'd do it, but my attitude has definitely mellowed to the whole idea. No to the white dress, no to the big do and of course pre nups.
But I do know that I'd like to be the one to make serious medical decisions and carry out his wishes when he is not able to. And the stupid marriage would be the easiest way to ensure this is going to happen.