no one knows why or can explain..

ya got me..mine tossed out 33 yrs (2 before dating) like it was nothin..and he cut off contact with his daughter and 2 grandchildren.

it takes time and alot of time for you to stop asking why..my divorce was final in nov and i still find some myself questioning it, but not as often but i still do.

unfortuneatly we are cant figure out why but now have to decide what to do now..i choose to live and be happy..its a challenge but one i'm gonna do

Sorry RMAN, I used to say that over and over in the beginning. How could he just leave us and choose a selfish route over his wife and children. Eventually you will let go of the whys? and what ifs? you may never have those answers, I never did. I had to accept that, it's a long hard process, but you will get there one day.

hugs to you! One day a time!

I understand the question, but I don't know that there is an answer that you can understand. I just think that some people play by completely different rules than others. I am so sorry for your confusion and pain.

I don't get it. I'm mad about the whole thing. That's one of the reasons why I changed my screen name from rejectedman to rman. I can't let someone control my emotions. I'm not going to let her make me feel rejected. I'm just gonna be pissed right now. I hope all of you are ok or better. You are all very nice people, and I am thankful for finding you. I should have married you people instead...not the guys. Hell, even if I married the guys, it couldn't have turned out worse than it is right now...just kidding. Thanks everyone. Please never be cold-hearted...

Rman, our stories are somewhat the same, and like you I've asked the same question. If I've learned anything over this past 1 1/2 yrs. it's that I can't try to make sense out of something that's senseless. People make decisions that negatively affects those that love them the most, unfortunately they don't always see the outcome of their actions until it's too late.

ahhhhhhhhhhh pissed is a good thing..its part of it...but alas you wont stay there..any day i had a super pissed day..it was followed by a heartbreaking feeling day.

just know whatever you feel its normal..thats what was so great for me about this site..if i was pissed everyone was pissed..if i was crying they cried with me

when i was in my pissed stage

i had this as every other song on my ipod

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNCBxf9Goew

I know what you mean. It's so hard to understand how someone could throw their life away, especially when you take vows to be together till death AND you have children. I think that the shock of it all makes it so much harder to move forward because (for me at least), the shock = denial. And trying to make sense of it all is enough to make you crazy.

Hugs to you - stay strong.

I've only been on this forum for a week, but already I see how theraputical it can be. msde, thanks for the song...it rocked...

You do reach a point when you are thinking too much about the whys. I have asked my stbx so many times in the first months. He had a different answer each time. But it ultimately is about them. I still have times of pain, of feeling the loss of something I thought was forever, but those times are much shorter. big hugs to you. I am proud of you for seeing that you do have power to make your life what you want.

Mamalyn: actually one week into this crap, I don't "see" anything. I'm just blurting out stupid thoughts onto this board. If I actually realized that it will be ok, then I would be healed. I still can't believe any of it will actually happen. I just want the stomach pain to feel better...

Rman (and thank you for not calling yourself rejectedman any more because you deserve better), you will get over it. It won't happen today or tomorrow or next week, but it will come. Spelling the anger and frustration on this board is perfectly acceptable. We've all been there and worked through it on some levels and maybe not on others. Healing comes a day at a time. You are already on that road and making steps (like checking us out) to make your life better. Keep doing it. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and thinking - I can do this, because you can.

Lynne

Rman,

Mine tossed out 14 years. And, she didn't even have the courage to tell me. Not face to face, not by e-mail, not by phone, not by post or a note. No, she just disappeared. Then filed for divorce 2 weeks later.

There was another man in her life. She denies it, so does he. Butm they were in contact before she left, while she left, as teh divorce started, and started dating as they each were going through their divorces. The were "friends" comforting each other in their times of need. BS!

Those here are right it will take time to get over it. And, first... dump the love. I held onto the love for 7 months. But, it is quickly dieing as the truth comes out. Be assured if she is leaving she is not telling you the whole truth. And, she is telling the world a pack of lies. So, let go now. Hide the pictures. Hide all the things that bring her close to your thoughts.

You can morn a bit. But, start letting go now. If she comes back great. best of luck (((((hugs)))))

Man I know ... I really know ... same questions you have. Where did this sudden coldness come from ... why can't they give us a chance to make right what they feel is wrong.

Who knows why they do what they do?? Usually there's no indication and they won't talk about it either.