Self-confidence is contextual with me. On some matters, I have all the confidence in the world. In others, not so much.

Even some matters where I might be confident in one context, I'm insecure in others. For example, although I might be confident with women I am casually seeing and feel no deep connection with, I can be reduced to a basket case with someone I really care for and am deeply emotionally invested in.

These are things to be addressed within myself, of course. My level of comfort with myself shouldn't depend on the context.

That is partly my issue....I have met an outstanding lady....beautiful, has power, an exec during the daytime and a writer by night, has 4-5 books published, money out the ying yang. We talked for over an hour, exchanged email addresses and I am to chicken shit to contact her again.......

I could use a glass of confidence right now. LOL I too have it in some areas, and lack it big time in other areas. Also day by day it changes. But divorce certainly makes it come up to the top.

I think I'm a confident person per say in who I am and what I have to offer to myself and others.

However I think to some degree this separation has left me a bit jaded in how I am with the opposite sex. I think I do lack some confidence when I'm around the opposite sex, but only until I get to really know them.

I think we all fear that, once you've been hurt you tend to put your guard up so that your heart is not hurt again.

If you talked for over an hour and she gave you her email address (supposedly a real one) then she doesn't think you are a troll. Write a short, easy email "Enjoyed our conversation the other night, would you like to have dinner one evening?" It doesn't have to be difficult.

I love this advice - "Get confident STUPID!"
It did not help :(

What the hell Melin all she can say is F off....right....

life's to short not to try pem, go for it

Does she seem like the type that would tell you to F'off? Think about it! She will either tell you "I'd love to!" or politely say "I'm flattered, but I'm just so swamped right now..." (i.e. thanks but no thanks)

If she is the outstanding lady you describe she won't tell you to f'off and she just might go out with you.

She is a little blunt, and definitely speaks her mind...which is part of the attraction.....and part of the intimidation....the thing that gets me the most about her isn't her looks, or the money or the power ...its her sassy self.....and her accent.......I don't think she would tell me to F off, but the busy thing probably....she is out of the country on biz now....

Pem, you're a wonderful guy and she was obviously impressed with you or wouldn't have left you her number or any other way to contact her. But, with her having all that intimidation factor (looks, money, 'tude), she may be afraid of scaring you off by pursuing you and is leaving the ball in your court. Step up and serve, bud, take a risk and see what happens. She's probably just as nervous as you are and if she doesn't respond positively all I can say is: "Her loss." Oh...there's a quote I love when I'm feeling intimidated by taking a risk..."Nothing worthwhile is ever without its risk." If you think she's worth it, then take the risk...you could end up quite pleasantly surprised.

Well, I bit the bullet and fired off a tasteful note and we'll see what happens....

Yay, pem!!!

Good luck pem!!!! xoxoxo


I have a horrible time with self confidence.. but i think it just stems from poor self esteem. I couldnt really see any guys interested in me. Ive had 2 kids so im ive got a bit of chunk on me. And it makes me feel intimidated. I get guys say oh "Panini" your so pretty but most of them are trying to get me in bed. So..

Idk self confidence is a tough one especially when your relationship fell apart of your partner cheated on you.

Great post Pem!

Way to go!