Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So my ex and I split about 6 weeks ago. Less than a week after he attempted to commit suicide, then less than 2 weeks after that was proclaiming how he feels so great now and his new meds are helping etc. He keeps holding on to hope that well reconcile but I don't ever see that happening and I've flat out said multiple times it won't happen again so finally he turned around and decided that he wants the kids to move with him. Now given what's happened I'd fight him till the day I die as he's not stable enough yet so he's back to trying to win me back...he is telling me all these things that he's doing "for him" that he would never have done when we were together. These include going out for meals on his own, to the movies, getting a gym membership and working out daily as well as going out for drinks as well as to get drunk with the guys. The acts themselves I think are great for him to do. However, given the fact that I have the kids and have been asking him to help with section 7 expenses(I'm in Canada so it's things like sports, school supplies, medical needs etc) that I've spent well over $600 for just school supplies and shoes etc for the 3 kids and he's handed over nothing to me and tells me how broke he is is causing me a lot of resentment. Then he wanted to come see me 2 different weekends already and when I said I wouldn't be around but he was welcome to come see the kids he decided not to come. How do I deal with this resentment? I'm so glad I finally split up with him but I can't figure out why the resentment continues....
To answer the million dollar question I really was hoping for nothing more than my kids to be able to see their dad since it was 6 weeks that he didn't see them. I was hoping he'd want to spend every waking moment with them etc. I figured if I took away every excuse he had to not see the kids that he'd come and make the most of it. Obviously I was 100% wrong. His kids mean jack shit to him. They weren't excited when he got here and they weren't sad when he left(outwardly anyways).
And now a couple days later I'm having some attitude issues but I'll handle them just as I have every other time. I also dealt with him messaging me telling me how wonderful it felt to be back with his family this weekend and how in love with me he is. I apparently showed him love too....not sure where love comes in to play when you're continually telling the person you don't want to and won't be with them again as well as its nice to get along for the kids sake but you're going to start dating and are enjoying being alone right now etc. But I suppose that probably all boils down to him trying to manipulate and have control and being completely self absorbed.
So this weekend I learned many things. Biggest thing is I will not go out of my way for him to be in my kids life. If he wants to be a part he will be. I can only be mom and show them a loving and nurturing environment. As well I will NEVER allow him to stay at my house again. He now has to get a hotel or bring them the 3.5 hours to see him. I'm done with it. They are my world and I can only make sure that i give him the opportunity to be around if he wants to be.
So thank you everyone for your input. It's a day to day life for me right now because I'm learning who I am and where I want to go in life and I have my babies under my roof which makes me the happiest every single day.