because your situation sucks, your living in limbo without knowing the outcome, your giving her space and not knowing what she is thinking. i know your depressed and for that i wish you didn't have to be, but i think your probably in the place you need to be right now, try to hang in there. until you know the exact direction your life is going to take, you in between and just stalled in place.

I just got an email from my wife. Now I am even further depressed. All it was about was business like stuff (financial). It also was talking about making an agreement so we aren't responsible for eachother's debts.

I was already depressed and now I am sinking lower. The reality of this really stings.

Tell you what if I could turn back time to how I handled things!!!

My advice though would be take control of the situation for yourself. As hard as this sounds and I think I am only just starting to realise it myself, do what is best for you without her in the picture. Keep your pride and your head up and don't be afraid to ask for help!

I am not to the point that I am on the edge of breaking down and crying. I have always fought crying (not supposed to cry because I am a man) but sometimes I can't avoid it.

This is so darn hard. It is so hard to move through life with his huge weight on my shoulders. Why do I still have to care about her? Why can't I just chalk it up and move on? Why do I want so hard to fix things when they were actually so bad before I left?

I am so torn in every direction at one time it isn't funny.

If it was something major like she cheated it would be so much easier to move on because I would then hate her and I would run the other way. It was nothing like this and I was still trying to work on the relationship up into the moment that she said that she wanted to separate. She handles this whole thing so coldly like it is just business and that tears me up even more.

What have I done to deserve this? Who in life have I wronged so bad to deserve to suffer like this?

I agree. It sucks! Taking control of the situation may help you. For me personally, it helps to try to gain some control when I felt like I didn't have any control when he left. GOod luck to you. Hope you can find a bright spot today.

I wish that I could take control. It would be so much easier if I could just cut my losses and harden up but I can't. There is a very slight chance that once she has her space she will find out that this isn't what she is looking for. There is also a very good chance that this will end in divorce. I don't know which way it will go. As I said I can live with it any which way it goes but the hard part is that I just don't know what will happen. I need to be able to plan things and I can't. I am fustrated, depressed, and worn down.

I have thought the same as you are thinking ...ie what have I done to deserve all the heartache he has casued me ...what have I dont that was so bad....and you know the answer I came up with is a big fat NOTHING ...all I did wrong (if it was wrong) was to stand up for myself against his family...yet he broke off our engagement when their snide and nasty comments directed at me,caused me to become intensely angry with him and arguments became more and more frequent because of them...he is now with someone else...but I know now I deserve better ..I deserve a gentleman who will support me emotionally...and not give his support to the comments his family made.
Sooooooooooo heave to ..take heart and believe she was in your life for that period of time only...and that someone very special you are meant to be with for the rest of your life will come to you when the time is right for you both ...this is my firm belief for myself too
take care and here are some cuddles
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
millyimp
xx

I completely understand your feelings. I have been there and still have times when I go back. I said on someone else's discussion how I wished I had that crystal ball to see the future because being in the present just sucked and I felt like I was inside a tornado without know where to start or which direction to go. It is terrible trying to live in limbo but hold on and you will find your pathway soon. Wishing you peace and comfort soon.

You're depressed because you've lost control - handed over the helm to another skipper. Make a choice about something today and do it. You'll feel control in some aspect of your life and begin to heal.

I think REALITY SUCKS!!! I feel for you Heavetoo. Yesterday, I had a big dose of reality and I have so many questions. I put pen to paper about my finances and 1/2 of our bills is more than what the state would make him pay in child support. I'm screwed moving forward! I will have to make adjustments.

Control??? What does that word mean??? LOL!

You are feeling the same as anyone who goes through this feels. You are normal. You have to start forcing yourself to look to the future alone and apart from the pain. You will have fight the feelings of hoping she will call. You have to be strong when dealing with her. If she responds positively, don't think it is going to work out all of a sudden, it is over. You have to face it. This is a harsh reality for you but you can't hide from it. Deep in your heart you know its true. Wake up every morning and tell yourself that you will be strong. Set goals for your personal development and have a plan for your new life. When dealing with her, never let her know you are down or miss her. You have to fake it until you can make it. None of this is easy and may be the most difficult thing you will deal with in your lifetime, but there is no alternative, and the end result will be incredible. I know so many people that have been where you are at and years later laugh and say it was the best thing that ever happened to them. Once we let go of the hurt ego, the rest will begin to fall in place. Hang in there and re-read these post's when you are fealing weak. Take care and hugs to you.

HeaveToo,

I am going through exactly the same thing you are right now and yes it SUCKS! I thought everything was fine and then we got back from a 5 day cruise he says he doesn't want to be married anymore. Talk about a punch in the gut. What makes it so hard is that he is acting like this is the best thing he could have done. And that he was just going thru the motions for 5 years WTF!

We have a 3 yr old girl and he says he isn't leaving her but yet he is. I said we should try counseling but he says it won't work because he doesn't want to make it work. I feel the same way you do if he had cheated on me it would be so much easier to hate him and walk away with my head up.

So keep your head up and you do need to start thinking about putting your stuff in order (that's where I am at in this as well) and know that as much as it sucks right now it will get beter!

Setbacks....always setbacks. This is so darn fustrating. I had business that I was going to attend to today so I could sail out for a few days starting tomorrow. Just found out that I can't handle all of that business until tomorrow so I am stuck again!

If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all. So far I have taken a demotion at work (really stupid situation), had really bad health problems, and I have had rug pulled out from under me in regards to my everyday existance.

right now I can almost laugh because it really can't get much worse!!!

okay okay okay....i know...What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger but seriously...i have lived through:

a heart attack,

last November I had a tree jump the loader on my tractor and land on my arm, breaking both bones clean (open fracture). I was 1/2 of a mile out in the woods by myself so I had to set my arm and drive the tractor out of the woods

The job demotion (it was a huge setback mentally, and it was nothing more than a witch hunt in the long run)

Being stuck on a midnight shift

Had kidney stones two weeks ago

Been put out of work for stress/hypertension/uncontrolled high blood pressure. I have to go back to the doctor on Monday to get cleared for duty

My wife left the relationship causing me to move out of my house. I have to get rid of my two dogs.

Oh....not to mention all of the huge medical bills that I have paid, the cost of all of my medicines, and the huge mechanic bill I had when I had to replace the transmission in my truck!


good grief....enough is enough....isn't it someone else's turn!!!

That is exactly the way I have felt for the past year and half. Everytime I thought Nothing else could go wrong because nothing had gone right...there it is...the other shoe dropping. I have said those exact words enough is enough. I've had my fill, its someone elses turn. Been there done that. I know right now it is hard to see but actually there were small blessings in there. Each step made you strong enough to handle the next and the fact that you survived all of this, like me, means that you have something else waiting for you and I am convinced that this time, it will be wonderful. Hang on friend, hang on!

Nah.....I was too mean so death couldn't catch me :)