That sounds like a nightmare! I’m sorry to hear you two are going through this. It sounds like you have a firm grasp on what you can and can not tolerate and that makes all the difference. Your situation reminds me of the speech you get on a plane traveling with children. They always say secure your own oxygen mask before your child’s because you can’t help them if you pass out first. Instinct is telling you to save the person you love but you cant save anyone if you are drowning too. Is moving out possible financially? She can still support her family without constantly being in the middle of a toxic environment. As a matter of fact, putting distance between herself and the every day chaos might even help her gain new perspective and insight into ways to help pull everyone else out of a destructive tailspin. Have you spoken to her about moving?

Sounds like something similar I went through. In which I was in your gf shoes and we lived with my toxic family for 5 years. I would get out. Most toxic families are co dependent and think their behavior is normal. Your gf is probably showing more of the side that is like her family bc she is constantly exposed to the dysfunction and it’s somethung accepted and normal to her. Doesn’t make it okay, just probably one of the reasons why she is behaving this way. I would tell her you can’t stay there any longer and offer up solutions for both of you to leave. If she doesn’t want to leave then tell her you would like to still and that you guys can decide what to do when she leaves or whatever it is you want with the relationship. Good luck.

We have talked to each other but she doesn’t believe the dysfunction is that bad and that every family has drama. I keep telling her it’s not my normal. I feel like I’m in a twilight zone. It sucks not having any family or friends here and she basically tells me to get over it. I am planning to leave by the new year. My anxiety is at an all time high and I’m becoming depressed.

I never feel cohabitating is good with so many families. Do you think if you guys moved together on own it be better ? Obviously there areany issues here but just curious on that. Sounds like she herself isn't treating you good so that's huge issues. But yes that living isn't easy on the mental well being.

I may be a little late to the party here but, I’m going through something similar to an extent.

I’ve been with my girl for 4 years and we are in long distance. Her family is pretty controlling there is an unbelievable amount of distinction in her family, to put it bluntly I wouldn’t be able to live with her family, and trust me the same things your girl has said to you, mine has said to me, one thing I can say is that we couldn’t live with her family but if we lived together on our own we would be way better off.

Definitely see if she is willing to move with you. If not here is what I suggest move out but stay in town and continue to date, work on your own happiness while still having her in the picture, eventually you can ask her to move in with you (if she wouldn’t already) and try to move forward, but get out of their house, you have too, you don’t have to break up with her but you have to get out, and she may not accept it at first or be very angry with you, but she will come to understand the situation you’re going through later, especially if you two get better/ more healthy in your relationship

I'm late to this party too. Y'all aren't married, so there isn't anything concrete to anchor you to that house. Stick to your plan to get out. The airplane mask analogy is spot on.
Are you, were you thinking about marriage? The ring changes everything, as it should.

GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE YOU ARE STUCK THERE FOREVER!! you know the saying the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree well you're surrounded by the tree its branches its roots the whole kit and caboodle that's going to be your life if you stay get the hell out now yes it's going to hurt for a little while but you'll be okay. If you stay you're not going to change anything you're just going to become part of the crazy it'll be the only way you can survive cuz you can't beat them so join them that's what'll happen if you stay. I've taught my kids all their lives do-as-i-say-not-as-i-do and look hard at the family of whoever your significant other is cuz that's your future