Is your kid in school? I can see this as an issue and maybe disruptive to your child. But it depends on how close you live to each other. A child really needs to feel like he/she has a home. My stbx and I agreed to me having physical custody and us sharing joint legal custody. that way the kids have a home ( a place they know is always there) and they can always see thier dad when they want to. dont you travel a lot for your job? If you do then split custody would be hard to keep in force.

I have friends who split up and they kept the house and got a condo. The parents switch off every week or so and the kids stay put. It seems ideal, but I don't think most couples would agree to it or could afford it.

My cousin was forced by the courts to do that arrangement while she went through her divorce. It really was not that great on the kids like you would think and it was super expensive. It limits your life by a lot too. she was glad when it was all over and they were realeased by that order.

My ex and I live in the same town and share custody. One week with him then one with me. And we are flexible about certain dates that come up for either of us when we can be.

The age of your child is important...as is the child current lifestlye...in so far as...it would not be in the child best interest to set up a visation schedule that blow the childs current schedule of say, piano lessons, soccer practice...etc...all to hell. What is imporant to remember at this time is emotions are jumping for everyone, including the kids...and they need structure..and they need to be able to continue activities that are important to them....do you know what I mean....I know you want to spend as much time with your children as possible..but to yank them out of structure activeties that they enjoy so they can spend time at your house instead, has to be thought through...Not that some things can't be changed...but your children need as little trauma surrounding this event as possible. They need their friends, their interest groups and hobbies for STRUCTURE they can count on....the half/halfy thing rarely works if there is a lot of distance between households. The children should not feel like they are constanly being shuffled between two parents..to do so may leave the kids feeling that they have NO real home, instead of what you want them to feel...that they have 2 homes.. Child custody is THE hardest thing in the world. sometimes, you have to let go...to be the most loving.. Good luck my friend. This one broke my heart a thousand times.

I think it has to be hard on the kids any way you do it. I also think that both parents have to agree on a way to raise the kids. One can't lavish them with presents just to win affection. One can't be the fun parent while the other one enforces the rules. But unfortunately that happens more often than not. and the kids are just caught up in something that continues to shattered their world. I applaud the parent who leaves his or her spouse and family and is still able to have a healthy relationship with their kids.

Wind -I've seen arrangements with this work and others that don't. Geographical closeness is a factor but the biggest factor is the parent's ability to work together for the kids.

Another important factor is the involvement you have had with the children in the past. How familiar are you with their activities, friends, likes and dislikes and other factors.

My client often use a binder that goes back and forth with the kids. It details the children's activities, plans, parties, homework, etc. as a way of keeping both parents involved. The good news is that most schools also have a website allowing both parents to be aware of school-related activities and homework.

Talk to your attorney about what the judges in your area are likely to do.

Good luck to you.

Lynne

As the others have said, if you live nearby and can co-parent, it's definitely in the best interest of your child. My ex bf had shared custody of his child while we were dating. MT-mom WTh-dad and they switched off FSS. Their little girl loved it. They had a set schedule and could make plans, etc.

Thanks everyone... He's 5 1/2 and in preschool. He was being homeschooled, but will be mainstreamed in the fall. I would have no problem, insist actually, the I still bring him to the gymnastics, swim class, and other things he does now. Of course I'd have to wait until I find another job off the road and we sell the house and get apartments etc.
I would have no problem staying as close as I can to where ever she goes; both our families are in the same small area, so neither of us will move far. And she still wants to be friends, so I don't think there will be a problem communicating.
I don't know, still a lot to think about.

I wish you the best. Parenting isn't easy and it can be especially hard to parent doing split custody, but it can be incredibly rewarding too.

Remember that kids tend to play their parents off of each other even in the best intact families. You have to expect that your child will do that too, and can't get drawn into it constantly.

On the other hand, if you can work it, it can be the best thing ever for the kids and for each of you too. You'll both feel the pain of kids not behaving, and you'll both get the hugs and share the pride as they grow.

When I wrote up our divorce decree, I wanted 50/50 custody, both physical and legal. I felt that since she wanted out of the marriage, I shouldn't be punished for not getting to spend time with my son. We are on a week on, week off schedule. My ex did not like the whole idea but I kept fighting for it. Our son has taken to it very well. He seems to like the idea of knowing that he has two houses.

I say go for it. The best for a child is to keep the family together. If that isn't working out then the next best thing is having the child spend half the time with each parent.

I'm in a similar situation Wind- My ex wife and I are considering that possibility. I didn't think she would be receptive to the idea, but she is very much for it. The biggest factors are my work schedule and the fact that I would want to relocate to my son's current school district. As it is I'm putting nearly 300 miles a week on my car in my visits alone. The potential schedule would be a weekly custody basis.

I am a member of ACFC ( American Coalition of Fathers and Children ) You might want to check the laws because it is changing that the woman does not always get the kids. More and more states are looking more at 50/50 first.

WC, what ever you do, don't walk out of that kid's life. he will need you more then ever once his world falls apart. he will need you when starts school.. When he's in middle school and especially when he's in high school and his hormones are going completely wacky. He will always need a positive male figure in his life who he will feel safe to turn to when he's not comfortable telling Mom certain things. hug him. hug him a lot. Do special things with him. Show him there is a lot to life. - museums, movies, cities, etc. Be there for him in a Positive way.

The hardest part that I found with 50/50 is the raising of the children with the rules being the same in each house.... I kept on getting "aww Mom lets us stay up till midnight"...type stuff... but I had that problem when I was married to here too.... My kids did mind the going back and forth thing, it got to them... but part of that was, my Ex immediately moved in the Other/man and his kids.... all the sudden they had to share everything... they no longer had their safe places.

We now have joint custody with me having sole physical custody, this all works out very well, because I am the hands on, take the kids on adventures, play with them type parent... where she is a good mom, but let the kids fall where they fall type parent... which is not always wrong...

You just have to work out the details, keep consistent on everything, do not switch schedules around... it takes discipline and lots of understanding.... but you can do it.