My STBX wants to do this and now my state has become a 50/50 state. Personally, I am upset about this because I feel the child/ren never really feel they have a home if shuffled one week here one week there...I just can't see it. Now also we, as parents are limited to where we live via the school districts...supposed I want to move 10-15 miles away or in my case even 5 miles up the road or just over the border. What school do they attend..who had the responsiblity of primary decision making..yada yada. I see no benefit in this arrangement, but that is JMO and I don't want it however, I may have no choice. For me I took a crappy job with no weekends or holidays and much lower pay so I can be here for my kids. My STBX..does call, OT, call on weekends, 10 or 12 hr shifts crazy schedule. Who is he goig to get when it's his week..a babysitter or the OW...not right...they should be with the parent that can be there for them. Again JMO..and I am sure I will get flack for this. That being said I would have no problem with the one day a week every other weekend and him seeing them as much as he wants if it doesn't interfere with them. But I don't a court telling me it HAS to be this way. Again, I probably have NO choice, and as a mom...I would miss my babies that I raised while he was out cheating and didn't give 2 shits then about being a father. Now he does...for him it's only about the money and paying less child support. I see it now how short he is and how our 6 year old gets on his nerves only after 1 hour of being home from school. How will he do 7 days in a row with them...I would love to see that.

I have always believed that children need their mother...

A little history lesson from California:

Originally, the law was that children of "tender years" were presumptively better with their mothers.

Then, about twenty years ago, the presumption changed to favoring joint custody. Judges thought every case had to be 50/50 and imposed that. We had cases with the nesting arrangement mentioned in an earlier post.

Well, some kids did well and some did not. After seeing enough two and four year old basket cases, the courts went back to a case by case review.

Personally, I still think the bias is pro joint custody, but I have been able to get different orders on different facts.

Lynne

Medical needs, and education are the primary reasons why couples who are divorcing and thinking about split custody need to be mindful of the decisions they make regarding custody.

It is easier to have split custody if you live close, a child is not school aged.

Lots of luck!

llmt, I do believe that split may not be the best case in all circumstances...one where the child is spending his or her time mostly with a step parent instead of the parent is one such case. IMO, bio parents who actually want their children should have first right of refusal, especially when it's a situation that has a set schedule. For example, during the summer when my x bf had to work during the day and his daughter was off from school, his ex wife would keep their little girl during the day even on his days, Wednesday and Thursday, and he would pick her up after work. They really had a good relationship (lol...so good they ended up back together recently :) ) and would do what was best for little girl. She had a nursing degree and chose not work...she was married to someone else at the time...while he worked in a factory...basically they imputed her income (her income should have been higher than his) and rather than her have to pay him CS, with her having extra time in the summer, they counted it even and neither paid CS to the other.

As lynne said, it should be looked at on a case by case basis.

Well, I hope my STBX and I can have a split custody arrangement..neither one of us would get full, and we wouldn't try...we're good parents, so we couldn't prove each other unfit anyway.

I do agree, though, that when kids are school age, they need a "home", and they need to be in it during the school week. Would you be ok doing every other weekend, then seeing him two or three times during the week for a couple hours?

Personally, I would have a really hard time with someone telling me that I have "every other weekend and a few hours" with my kids and for my kids not to consider my house a "home" for them. If both parents want to be involved I don't see any reason why a child cannot have TWO homes. I do think the rules need to be consistent though. I also think that both parents need to make each house a home for the children with their own special places to sleep, put their stuff, etc. Some kids have 2 great parents and should have equal access to both.

I agree lipstick.. At the least, I wouldn't settle for anything less than every weekend, holidays (even she hates her family, loves mine)and maybe a couple full weeks during the rest of the year.
We had a hard time convincing family and friends that homeschooling was okay. I think the same old school mentality is at play with something like shared custody, it just hasn't been done enough. We live in progressive times. Kids have two moms or two dads nowadays. He's young enough that I think it shouldn't be terribly confusing. I would like to do more research though to see if there's any documented effects of this on kids.

Of course I would want to make my home his home too, with everything that means. We may not have agreed on everything during our marriage, but we almost always agreed on our son. We have the same parenting style and the same values as far as parenting is concerned. We are both good, totally committed parents, and I would feel terrible if he missed out on either of us.

Thanks again everyone for the input, both "sides".

I do slit custody as long as both parnets live close the each other and get along it can work.

My exhusband and I have done 50/50 since the day we separated.

Our first year we let our son stay in the house, he was 2, and we rotated a day at a time. After that we sold the house and each got our own place, and did 2 on, 2 off, then 3 on/3 off and so on until the last few years its been week on/off.

The amount of disruption our son felt seems minimal, its all he's really know, he's 13 now, so its normal for him.

We were told by our counsellor he would likely want to stay at one parents home more by age 11/12, but he doesnt seem to want to,