Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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Preparing for separation

NatashaA
NatashaA

Hi - I just found out that my husband (25 years) is still seeing his affair partner, and D-day was over 2 years ago. Every time he ends the affair (which has happened many times) he keeps going back to her. Every time, I take him back. 


This time, I'm pretty sure I'm finally done. I say that because despite it all, I still love the jerk and want to stay married. But he clearly can't shake her, so I have no choice at this point. He doesn't know that I know he's still cheating. I want to start preparing for the separation/divorce now.


I would really appreciate any advise on what to expect and what I should do to prepare? 


thabk you! 

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
hugs my friend. If they can do it with you, they can do it to you. That is what my therapist said the first time I met her. Get a therapist, financial advisor and a lawyer. Start building up your own credit . Take your name off any joint credit card and line of credit. Do not sign anything that he wants. Make a list of all the expenses, right down to getting your nails done. Learn to love yourself and be your own best friend. You deserve better than that. Please be gentle with yourself. You are stronger than you think. When you see him, just smile, turn around and walk away. You owe him nothing.
NatashaA
NatashaA
Great advise. Thank you!
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Reading your post, brings back the memories of when I was going through the divorce from hell. Really, that is alright. I can think back, step back and see how far I have come. Now, I am happy as a clam. I am the proud owner of my third condo. Bought and sold the first two for a huge profit and bought this one. You can do it. One step at a time. Cry all you want I did. I was 57 when I threw in the towel after 25 years too. Now, I am 70. Free as a bird and loving it. It was a losing battle from day one. His family had him on a tight leash. Now, he has to rent because he wasted all his settlement on stupid things. My kids barely have anything to do with him. His family ignore him and his mother kicked him out about 4 years ago. Just telling you, that you will be fine. Women are smart, strong and resilient. Hugs and stay safe
11Christmases
11Christmases
Good advice from Mary. I only want to add - while getting your ducks in a row and doing your research, do all those things discreetly. You owe him no explanation of how you're spending your time. He snuck around behind your back many times. You are entitled to do the same now. I think many of us (women especially) are conditioned by our partners in long marriages to feel like we have no rights, that we always have to be the bigger person and put up with their bad behaviors. The game has changed now, you are no longer on the same team and you don't have to play nice. Best of luck!
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
So sorry you are going through this. I remember your posts from last year. You might want to go back and read the replies again. You can see how far you've come, how much you have grown, and that you've put up with his crud for too long now.

You can do this. You are strong. It will be a little rough at first, but you will be happier than ever in the long run. Life's too short to be unhappy and be disrespected and lied to. Much luck to you.
Oso1911
Oso1911
It is over if you want a dedicated husband. If you don't mind this he has the best of both worlds.

Tom
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