Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Guys - Did you all regularly look at porn during your marriage? If so, did you hide it from your wife? And would you have lied to cover it up if she asked?
Just wondering if this is "typical" male behavior as my husband would portray it to be.
Just wondering if this is "typical" male behavior as my husband would portray it to be.
Did it hurt my marriage? Yes. Was it the real cause? I seriously don't think so.
Don't spend money on it, didn't prevent me or reduce my desire to be physically intimate with my wife. We watched it together a couple times, and I was way more into her than the tv. I don't objectify women, don't really have any issues with porn other than I have a very difficult time stopping myself from watching it. I'm up to being "sober" for weeks at a time now. Still working on it, but it was too late for the marriage.
My reason (or excuse?) was that she had deep physical intimacy issues that caused us to have sex maybe 3 or 4 times a year. I always hid it. She had issues with porn and she would find out about it now and then and confront me on it. I would make excuses or promise to stop. I wouldn't. At the end, she was at the point of saying she knew I looked at it, just keep it out of the house, off her computer. I did that. Still didn't matter.
At the time I thought it was my right as it was all her fault that we weren't being intimate, and it was better than me cheating or going to titty bars (which I can't stand). Now I realize I should have stopped, if for nothing else but for her. It may have been mostly her issue, but it was me that perpetuated and inflamed the situation. It was mostly because of this that she lost my trust, and never regained it. And that I know caused our divorce.
She's since admitted that it wasn't the real issue, that she would have found some other reason to enable her issues with sex and push me away physically and emotionally. But it doesn't matter to me. I should have stopped. And that will always be a knife in my heart.
Now I realize I have a problem, and even though she's not part of it anymore, I want to fix it because I don't like not having control over myself.
But to answer your question, I don't know. It's something that two people need to work out between them. Everybody's different, and that should be respected. If one or the other has a problem with it, it's up to them to come to some kind of compromise, or to decide how much respecting thier partner's boundaries mean to them. Is guys watching porn "typical"? Probably. Is unhealthy use of porn typical? I doubt it. But obviously, it can cause problems.
I just wanna pin like a medal or something on you or maybe buy you some big boy squirrel undies!
Wish there could be some sort of reliable rating/labeling system (like organic?) to distinguish who is enjoying this and who is not. But I realize that's next to impossible.
Just some rambling thoughts, not judgments.
The loss of trust is the bigger problem to me. Watching him lie so adamantly and persistently was pretty sickening. It's hard not to wonder what else he might be lying about.
Like was said tho if your in a relationship theres no excuse for hiding/lying about anything.
Lynne
hiding? a VERY big deal.
If you have to hide something from a partner, there IS a problem.