My point is the original one...there are many factors and it is so complex. So, if a word was to be given for those that fall under your topic and without give a thought, I would say they stereotype those as 'frigid'.

Or

After neglect, anger, friction in a relationship, one can shut down.

Point: One shoe doesn't fit all.

I understand that one shoe does not fit all. Obviously there could be several factors involved, but it does help to hear different perspectives and similar experiences.

And unfortunately some of those people see nothing wrong with themselves, or refuse to...and get annoyed if you try to talk with them about it.


But at a later point will say it's all because of you...

If I am with a group of people it is very hard for me to stay engaged. I had one boss - the president of the bank I was at - tell me that I could cut people off better than any one he ever met. I think that is why I was good in my field - internal audit - because I did not really have to engage people - I did my work, wrote my reports, and left. I am very comfortable with the absolute of policy and procedures - and very uncomfortable with affection and intimacy.

Are we talking about someone who NEVER had a desire for affection? or someone who used to but doesn't anymore?

I am baffled by it also.
I'm a very affectionate person.. with dogs, cats, my children and was with my STBX even when the relationship was dieing.
It's impossible for me not to pet a puppy or pet a cat if it's there.
Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it.
For a while, I found myself being offended by the 'shoulder hug'.. you know, the one where only the very tops of the shoulders touch and the rest of the body is pulled back, like your going to give her leprosy or something.. but I've come to see different people as having different levels of intimacy... which is fine, but I still don't get it.

hmmmm... My stbx fits that bill... Not sure what his issue was but he seemed to link ANY affection to sex and since he didn't want to have sex, the affection went out the window with it.
*hugs rman tight*

Ahhh Mark - I know there is something wrong with me, and that does not make it any easier. I don't blame her at all...but at times she did nothing to help the situation. Telling me I was stupid because I would not take my shirt off did not help.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you act... it's just the way we are.

Dont know what to call it but Ive always disliked the touchy people with the exception of my stbx and near the end of our marriage neither of us wanted it. I grew up with two loving parents but there were never that many hugs and its been only in the last few years that we tell each other we love one another. I hug my son and tell him I love him all the time because I believe that lack of affection in my youth influenced all my relationships and I dont want that to happen to him.
Great now I have a new topic for the therapistmaybe the stbx is right, everything was my fault, damn!!

My family was not a "huggy feely" family and didn't give affection freely. I try to do that to my kids everyday if I can. I know for me, personally, at first there was intimacy..the hugging, cuddling and so forth, but then it waned off over the years and the only time he engaged was when he wanted sex...total turnoff to me. He was not necessarily a huggy feely person either. That was evidently one of his big issues why he cheated...no sex, no intimacy, no hand holding. I do own that and take fault in that I am one that needs her personal space, and I didn't see or have the closeness growing up. Even today, I feel funny hugging or kissing my parents when I leave from a visit. I guess it all boiled down to me, but there are many complex reasons to this question, as stated above...one size does not fit all. Honestly, this is something I struggle with, but it's my own. I do know my kids will know thru affection they are loved.

And that's the great thing about you AC & you L, you see yourself, look inwards, and own up to you.

Interesting post.....I've been in relationships where hugs, cuddling was a big part for us and I truly enjoyed it. So I was caught a little off guard to see the stbx was not like this....I just kind of thought it ws the norm. You want to be physically close with the person you love intimately. I'm learning not everyone is like that....for so many different reasons...it's who they are. As long as they are self aware and can communicate properly that's all that matters.

Problem is I own my own fecal matter...and I end up owning his too and he feels justified in making me own it. Oh well, which is why I feel so guilty a lot. Meh...everyone has their faults.

I am affectionate when things are going well int the relationship when I feel a distance emotionally , the physical follows for me.. Ineed one to have the other.