Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I left him in November (for many reasons, one of which the affair he was having that I couldn't prove until later). We are not legally separated (by the courts) and he has already moved the OW into my house. Now the other woman wants to bond with my daughter by spending the afternoon with her getting their nails done. They are pretending to be a happy little family while I am considering suicide. People tell me that I am strong. I don't feel it. Each time my daughter goes to visit with her father and his new family, I go into a cave which takes me days to crawl back out of. It is starting to affect my job. I fear what may happen during one of these visits. I am going to counseling and I am on medication. I have plenty of friends, however, I still sinc into major depression with fits of bawling when my daughter goes over there. I shut the world out while she is with them. I crawl in bed and don't come out until she gets home. Then when she tells me what they did. I freak out and make comments that I shouldn't. From calling the OW nasty names to telling my daughter she might as well move in with them. I fear my daughter may grow to hate me for being so bitter and miserable. My daughter is 13. She should be enjoying her life. Not worrying about me all the time.
If any one has any suggestions as to how I can learn to handle my bitter anger towards this new family my husband is creatling and how to cope with my daughter being a part of it. I would greatly appreciate it.
If any one has any suggestions as to how I can learn to handle my bitter anger towards this new family my husband is creatling and how to cope with my daughter being a part of it. I would greatly appreciate it.
I think I'd have the same ones if I was freshly heartbroken and had to see that happening
my exhusband has had 12 gf's in the last 14 years,
and except for one (the model, go figure) they have all been kind, and affectionate toward our son
I don't know if this will help, but I'll share with you what thought I keep in my heart about that --
that what I would fear worse than a gf loving my son and being loved back by him, is if he ended up with his dad's gf, or gawd forbid his wife, being the "evil stepmother" --
that given the choice between one more woman loving my son
or a woman who hates him, abuses him or just makes his time with his dad a living hell
you better believe I'd choose the loving woman.
At my work I hear allkinds of heartbreaking stories about step parents who hate the kid, are jealous of them, or force the biological parent to choose the gf/bf over the child
its a poison I dont want in my son's heart or environment
(((hugs)))
Mom is a special thing. You're loved, hated, and everything in between. You're usually not the "fun" one. You're the one that sees that the kids are fed, clothed, and generally try to keep them healthy and happy. You get the homework done.
She can "bond" with her. She can be like an aunt. She can be the "fun" one. There will probably be times when your daughter Likes her more than you.....but it's NEVER going to be LOVE.
For your daughter's sake, hope that she IS nice to her. (It's far, far worse when the kids Hate dad's gf....take it from me on that.)
Do something NICE for yourself. Your daughter is learning from you how to be a mom herself.
Hugs.
I never understand that feeling of seeing red, and get instantly angry but my god was I ever mad, and then hurt, and then jealous.
Somehow he is now able to be a dad to the kids, yet during the years we were married never once did he take the kids to the park, and go for a walk what a joke.
Jealousy gets us all, but I think we have to learn to live with the changes. Sadly your daughter does have another women in her life, and yes they will do things together
Your daughter will always go to your first, you are her rock.
(((HUGS)))))
Call a crisis number if you cannot stop the thoughts. PLEASE.
I don't know if you've been to the "Infidelity" board, but there is a post about the 180 technique that usually stays bumped near the top. You should read that. I know that you aren't reconciling with your stbx, but the 180 works in divorce as well because it is about YOU and taking this as a chance to make your life better.
I'll post the link in just a minute.
(((hugs)))
I am hoping that your are doing a bit better this moment, But no matter what, please visit http://suicidehotlines.com/maryland.html immediately and call one of the suicide prevention help lines.
If it is too difficult to decide which one to call then dial 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:)
While I have no doubt you heard your child counselor say this is all your fault, it is not true nor is it likely that is what was said. No credible counselor would single out a parent as being solely at fault under these circumstances.
Post frequently.
I am concerned about you. Please call the helpline immediately. You don;t need to feel this way.
Can't you take a short break from all of this? Take some time alone to be by yourself?
No husband, No husband's gf, No daughter.... just cmshinn.
The lawyer thing is not a bad idea and the suicide prevention hot line is a must. In time, you're going to look back on this and laugh at one of my jokes. ;)
I just wonder if she's telling one thing to you, another to her father, and a third to the counselor......