im not 100% sure what you could do but I do know that all this is in your head. Mommys always #1 this OW is nothing but a friend. But if you keep reacting this way you will end up pushing your daughter away. I know its tough my ex is with a new person and when my daughter is with them they play happy family and they have pictures of the 3 of them together doing all kinds of things but my daughter still picks me over her any day.

you need to talk to someone aobut what is happening. Your jealous and that is COMPLETELY normal.

You are completely right - I am 100% jealous. They are doing the things we should have been doing for the last 15 years. But he chose not to. Had he paid 1/2 the attention to me that he is paying to this OW maybe things woul dhave been totally different. But all I ever did was fight for his attention. I am seeking anger management classes. But we live in a very small town and it's hard to find easily accessible classes such as that.

Thank you for helping me realize that it is jealousy though. I never quite thought about that until you mentioned it.

You need an attorney. I couldn't afford mine, but I borrowed the money anyway, and boy was it a good decision! It is completely innappropriate for him to have another woman moved in before divorce and exposing your daughter to that. The courts don't like it one bit. It is grounds to reduce and limit visitations to supervised only here where I live.

Also, please try to watch what you say. Explain to your daughter that while you want to be there for her if she needs to talk to you about it, you otherwise don't want to hear about it because it hurts you. Refrain from talking about them to her or bringing it up. If you feel the need to say something negative, instead say, "I can't talk about it because if you can't say something nice, you shouldn't say anything at all." and leave it at that.

In the long run your daughter will appreciate you taking the high road in this. She will (hopefully) be less inclined to keep talking about them and it will allow you to heal rather than rubbing your nose in it all the time.

I'm having trouble with my stbx and my daughter and another woman, and everytime something innappropriate is said or done, I dont' talk to my daughter about it, I just call my attorney to report it. Therapy helps too. For you AND your daughter. If she is able to talk about things in therapy maybe she will not want to talk to you so much about it.

Try doing some positive things with your daughter yourself so you don't feel like the OW is one-upping you. Bake cookies together, do each other's make-overs and hair, play games together, go for walks in the park together.. whatever helps you two spend quality time together. It will help draw you out of your depression too.

I really feel for you. ((((hugs))))

I suggest that you do whatever is necessary to bring your divorce to a conclusion which includes a custody arrangement with your daughter. I think that you will begin healing much quicker if you know precisely when your daughter will be away with your husband and the OW.

Thank you for your responses. I have always been extremely active with my daughter. I think what is bothering me most right now is that he still hasn't paid one red cent for child support however, they are talking about buying a new house. (What happens to the one we currently own, that they are living in?) Then he throws out to my daughter that they want to rent a cabinn for a week around 4th of July. Ok, so where is he getting all of this money and can't or hasn't offered my anything towards the daily care of his daughter. I think that is probably what is bothering me the most. In the long run. I just know he is going to find a way to screw me. He probably received a settlement with a workers comp case he had filed while we were together. Most likely I won't ever see any of that money because it would be a settlement for future wages due to an injury that will affect him for the rest of his life. Now he is on light duty working only 3 days a week due to another injury. So while he is living like a king, I struggle every single day. Sorry for the rant. But I just need to get this off of my chest. Yes I have counseling and so does my daughter. She assures me that she does not want to be with the OW alone. But there will come a day that they will bond someway - somehow. I just hope I am strong enough then to handle it. As for my stbx - I can't stand to hear his voice, see his face, or even hear his name. I do not think I miss him any more. I'm pissed that he didn't spend time with me the way he spends time with her. The only thing I can think is that he trusted me and doesn't trust her. So by being by her side 100% of the time, he can keep her under control. I sure hope thats the reason. I'm done. Sorry!!!!!!

"while I am considering suicide"-- I now exactly how that feels. November is still pretty recent so give it more time. My ex and I ended in September after 9 years and everyday is a battle for me.

As far as your daughter goes... if she can have a good relationship with her father and even the OW after all this... then as awful as it feels, this is a good thing. She is young, growing, learning, and will need guidance... and if she can get this from one more person, then good. When I was 13 I was shooting whiskey with guys much older than me in a shady part of town, where I lived and had no mentor.

My suggestion would be to maybe also do things with your daughter and create your own good times. Maybe ask her to not talk about the OW too much to you right now because you are having a hard time with it (she is 13, it is okay to do this). Just try being really open and honest with her without burdening her or making her feel as though she is doing something wrong. You are her MOM, you will always be her #1.

The bond you and your daughter share, will always be the strongest and you will never be replaced.

I know this will be hard, but be happy that they are presently getting along and getting to know each other.

The OW will soon be dealing with her own jealousy, as she will know that the bond you both share will never compare to theirs.

I think it's great they are all getting along and she is not trying push your daughter away from her father. It happens to often, that the step parents try to isolate a parent away from their children, and then it's the children who suffer.

It's painful what you are going through. Try to keep your daughter first, and what's best for HER. Everything a child goes through goes with them into adult hood. We learn from our parents. We either choose to be like them or not to be like they were.

Take the focus off him and his lifestyle, and focus on yours and how to make the best for the two of you. When she is with him, learn how to live YOUR life and do new things to enjoy your life. Create a new lifestyle and show your daughter how strong you are, which will teach her to be strong when she has to face life's hard challenges.

It's hard, but stay strong!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

Personally I think it's rather early for this OW to be in your child's life. Just because Dad wants to have her in the house doesn't mean it's the right time for her to be bonding with your daughter. Kids need time to adjust to things, you moving out and her moving in right away? Really very sad and disgusting. I'd talk with your daughter's father and tell him that it's all just too much to deal with right now. Your feelings do need to be taken into consideration as well. I would definitely be seeking legal advice, as well as recommendations that your daughter not be staying over night with this other woman there- it's too much too soon, so is taking her out to get her nails done. By getting an attorney it will help with your divorce case, really it is bad to have someone else moved in when you aren't even legally separated. I hope you get some support for yourself as well. It's not being the crazy jealous ex. you are the mother of this guy's child and he should be showing a lot more consideration for you and your child's feelings.

My advice:
Forget the anger and get down to business.
I'm not sure how you normally go about things, but a written plan can make all the difference. It stops you from dwelling and focuses your energy. Share the plan with your Mom, best friend, therapist or whoever you trust. Have a meeting of 3 best friends 1once a week to focus on progress.

Telling others and showing them our plan creates an external expectation that will help you,

To help you get started,
1. Deal with depression.
- Item: Get to a doctor
- Target Completion Date: June 26th
- Comments: Depression is a serious problem. The brain gets chemically out of balance. You can't walk on a broken leg, don't expect to think with an injured brain. Take the recommended medications

Item: Find a local support group
Target Completion Date: June 22
Comments: DS is great, but doesn't replace a real hug or face-to-face

2. Get a settlement agreement in place.

Don't do this alone, use a mediator or lawyer.
Don't think you owe him anything, take your full share
3. Get suitable housing for you and your daughter.



That should keep you busy for a bit. Post yuor progress

My suggestion:
Forget the anger and get down to business.
I'm not sure how you normally go about things, but a written plan can make all the difference. It stops you from dwelling and focuses your energy. Share the plan with your Mom, best friend, therapist or whoever you trust. Have a meeting of 3 best friends 1once a week to focus on progress.

Telling others and showing them our plan creates an external expectation that will help you,

To help you get started,
1. Deal with depression.
- Item: Get to a doctor
- Target Completion Date: June 26th
- Comments: Depression is a serious problem. The brain gets chemically out of balance. You can't walk on a broken leg, don't expect to think with an injured brain. Take the recommended medications

Item: Find a local support group
Target Completion Date: June 22
Comments: DS is great, but doesn't replace a real hug or face-to-face

2. Get a settlement agreement in place.
Don't do this alone, use a mediator or lawyer.
Don't think you owe him anything, take your full share
3. Get suitable housing for you and your daughter.

@ lianna and confused - my husband has never taken my feelings into account - he certainly wouldn't start now. Its always been all about him and what he wanted. As for a plan - I have an attorney who is trying to help me. Unfortunately, I filed for custody and support back in Feb of this year, my husband has managed to evade being served the papers. I'm hoping they are able to catch up to him soon. At that point, I will have my attorney bring up the other woman being around my daughter and how I feel it's too soon. When or if the judge asks then why did I allow it, my answer will be "because my husband has continuously threatened to take my daughter from me so that I could never see her again." To keep the peace and ensure the safe return of my daughter, I needed to find a legal way to fight that battle.

I am hoping this works.

Sounds like you are making some progress. It may be worth a call to your lawyer now. The situation is changing.

In the meantime, please focus on dealing with you depression. It is serious business and can be fatal. Have you seen a doctor? Meds can help...

They say a mom can't be replaced. Be there for your daughter, keep doing what you have been. Keeping up with the Joneses is going to backfire if you do that, bad mouthing isn't good either...been there, done that. It creates more anxiety than you could ever imagine. Try not to put her in the middle, even though it's hard. I understand more than you know, but take it from me...YOU are the mom. Not this OW.

And just so you know...there probably is anything you can do to keep the child away from her, unless she is an addict, harms your daughter, in jail, etc. You MAY be able to write something into the papers, but often that isn't customary, and he has to agree.

I am on meds and seeing a counselor. However, if I took the meds as percribed, I would sleep all day. So i the depression meds at night and the anxiety as needed. What I need to learn how to do, is take the anxiety meds 1/2 hour before she comes home from her visits. Then I might be able to handle what she tells me and it might just slide right off of my shoulders. But, because there is no set time. It's kinda hard to even do that.

Thanks for you comments keep them comming. Believe it or not they help,