ohhh, i am so sorry.I don't have an answer for you as I am just starting out here, but i want to say I hope you will be o.k.and be supportive. Wish I had answers for all of us.
But, Hon, I do want to say that you are not alone in your feelings. I pray for yu right now that your day will be blessed with love and happiness.may you see a pretty flower or hear something that makes you laugh. Read some of Rman's posts .He has been making me laugh for two days! He is a nut!

I wish that we had the answer as to when things were going to get better, but the short answer is that the grief will last as long as it does, and that varies from person to person. I know that does not help with the pain that you feel and I am so sorry for that. It is going to get better though if you keep moving forward, into healing. Experience all the pain, and in time it will become a slow bleed, then the bleeding will stop, and the wound will scab over. We sometimes pull that scab off, by magically thinking of them and the good moments that we had. At times like that, we have to remember why we are where we are. They were not all good times or we would still be there.
In time that scab will scar over, and that is when the real miracle can occur. We have a chance to turn that scar into a star. A ds'er told me this a long time ago, and I did not fully understand what that meant at the time. but I know now. For me it meant learning the lessons of what went wrong in my marriage. I gave too much, I accepted less than I deserved. I chose an alcoholic to marry. I learned and from those lessons I grew. I am now better than I have ever been.
You are doing some constructive things to healing. Counseling. being in groups, talking with is here are all helpful to get you where you want to be. Sometimes it helps to All of us have walked similar paths, and the big thing that I can tell you, is that you will heal in time. I have. It has been over 2 years now, and I am smiling, happy, content being by myself. Keep working on you, being the best you that you can be, and in time, you will get there.
Meanwhile stay with us, talk, journal your thoughts, and keep healing until you find your smile. Healing hugs, Kimmee

Sorry about all the disjointed sentences. I am sick today but saw your post when I checked in and just wanted you to know that we care.. Hugs, Kimmee

I'm so sorry you are suffering. I know how debilitating it can be. It is all a healing process and you are healing, you might not feel like you are right now, but you are. Take it one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time if you have to. As I write this, I have a little knot in my stomach. I didn't want my divorce, but I had to do it or I would have literally gone crazy due to the guy I married. We've been divorced for 8 months and neither one of us could move on. He was up here in Maine for a few months trying to win me back, he went down to PA for a month and came back saying he has a girlfriend. I knew that day was coming, but it really had an impact on me. Everyone around me is happy about it and that doesn't help me at all. But on the other side of the coin, the one I'm trying to lift up to expose is that he finally broke that last piece of thread I couldn't break. Still hurts and I'm still in some kind of shock over it. Listen to Kimmee, she has great advice and a great way of expressing things. It will happen for you. We are all in different stages of the same process. It is one of the worst things that could happen to us, but look at someone like Kimmee who has made it through to the other side and is happy where she is now.

Thank you for the replies and for caring!

I know my counselor said everytime I cry I am closer to healing, but it doesn't feel that way. It is like nonstop grief.

I know I'm suppose to try to see what went wrong with the relationship, but can't get past the why wouldn't he work towards repairing it.

I know they say time is the healer but it feels like forever.

If you have loved deeply you will hurt deeply.....and as with deep water it just doesn't dry up over night....so sorry for your pain....but believe me it DOES get better.......... Been there and DUN that

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Everyone will react differently to divorce. There are common stages you will go through. Stages much like those we experience at the death of a loved one. Knowing what to expect will help you find your way through the stages but nothing takes the negative feelings away.

Just like with grief of any kind it is common to move back and forth between the stages. You may find some of the stages easier to navigate than others. The thing to remember is that you eventually make your way through to healing and hope.

Emotional Stages of Divorce:

Denial:

You find it hard to believe this is happening to you. You refuse to accept that the relationship is over and struggle with trying to find solutions to the marital problems. You will spend time believing that if you do or say the right thing your spouse will come home.

You hate feeling out of control of the destiny of your marriage. You will be convinced that divorce is not the solution to the marital problems.

Shock:

You will feel panic, rage, and numbness or like you are going crazy. You will swing between despair that your marriage is over and hope that it will be restored. It will seem impossible to cope with these feelings

You will experience some common fears when thinking about your future alone. You will wonder how you are going to survive. Will you ever find love again, will the pain ever end or will you feel this way the rest of your life are all feelings you will experience during this stage.

Rollercoaster:

You cant seem to settle your feelings and thoughts. You swing from being hopeful to feeling utter despair. During this stage, you will try to intellectualize what has happened. If you can only understand what is going on then the pain will go away and all will make sense again.

You will tell yourself stories to try to make sense of it and your imagination will run wild. You will wonder if there was more you could have done, or if there is anything wrong with you. Maybe your spouse never even loved you. You will wonder if your entire marriage was a lie.

There is a lot of mental re-hashing during this period. You will fill as if you cant control your thinking and find yourself obsessed with the failure of your marriage. Depression is a danger at this stage and you may cry at the drop of a hat.

Bargaining:

You are still holding onto the hope that your marriage will be restored. There is a willingness to change anything about yourself or doing anything and that if you could just get it right, your spouse would return. The important thing to learn during this stage is that you cant control the thoughts, desires or actions of another human being.

Letting Go:

During this stage you will finally realize that the marriage is over, that there is nothing you can do or say to change that. You will become more willing to forgive the faults of your ex spouse and take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of the marriage. You will begin to feel a sense of liberation and some hope for the future.

Acceptance

The obsessive thoughts have stopped, the need to heal your marriage is behind you and you begin to feel as if you can and will have a fulfilling life. Suddenly you are looking ahead and not behind you, you are making plans and following through with them.

You will open up to the idea of finding new interests. This is a period of growth where you will discover that you have strengths and talents and are able to go forward in spite of the fear you feel. Your pain gives way to hope and you discover that there is life after divorce and the future is made brighter due to the pain you have suffered.

Heres a manual weve put together to try and help:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/2816539-manual

Thank you for the info.

I will have to read the manual.

I am so sorry your hurting like this. I wish I could offer advice on this but I am in my first week. I can't imagen feeling like this for six months. You have ALOT of strength. I'll say a prayer for you

I am sorry that you are still feeling overwhelmed. There is no time limit on grief. This is your own personal journey and you need to see it as that. You can go on.

You are not alone in your pain. You are not the first to experience this and you will not be the last. It does not have to sink you. Let the past go. Journal. Continue counseling.

Take each day and find something joyful in it. Keep an eye to the future. If you don't have a routine, get one. Take care of yourself. Mind. Body. Spirit.

I hope you have been addressing the reasons behind the fear and anxiety. Its tough to face these things but well worth it.

If you are on meds make sure you take them regularly and discuss with your doctor if aren't getting results.

Many hugs to you.

Thank you ash and zen.

The problems with depression and anxiety aren't be resolved soon enough. There just doesn't seem to be enough help for mental help. I know I'm getting more than some, but it still isn't enough.

If I only had a dollar for every time I have read on this site, I am not going to make it, or words to that effect. If I had a dollar for ever time some one made it through and said I am better off now then I would be almost twice as rich. We are all different and it all takes time, so just give yourself some time.

I'm sorry you're in such pain. What an immature way for him to leave. How long were you together?

Are you getting out and doing things, even if you might have to force yourself? This is what's been helping me lessen the pain somewhat, and help me keep focused on tomorrow, rather than yesterday. It's not easy. Every day I still talk myself through even just getting dressed in the morning... and then everything else.. but I make myself go places, visit with people, and have a few laughs. My to-do list is shorter than ever! Also I've been exercising every day to release all of the nervous energy I'm feeling - and that has really helped - and I'm normally far from a workout junkie.

So my suggestion is to make yourself - force yourself - to increase your activity level, have some fun, and do good things for YOU. At first it will suck, but keep on doing it and you might find yourself feeling a little better.

It will take time, like the grieving process takes time, but the effectiveness is pretty good. Good luck to you.

I know just what you mean, for me it also felt like it got worse instead of better. It was actually around the 7th or 8th month i started to feel just a little better and to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there it will get better.

Hi mistie..Im so sorry your going through this. Sometimes it all just seems so overwhelming. I had one of those days yesterday. Here's a link to a site that I read all the time. It seems to help me...maybe it will help you as well.

http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/grief.html

I hope you will get some comfort from reading this...Big Hugs...