I am mid 40 and I am scared as well. Marriage was an investment/work/compromie/love put towards the definite companionship in your golden years. But as soon as kids are older, and you really come to a point to enjoy each other's company pooooof, it is gone. Yes it is kind of scary.

Plus when you put so much effort in your marriage, tell you truth, dealing with a new person, and learning about liking disliking, compromising good or bad kind of goes out the door for me.

Cwalla - I'm 60. I've come to grips with my age and realized there may never be a partner for me (although there is always hope). But you know, I'll be ok. I have friends, family, my son, my home, my profession and my pets and crafts and that is enough for me -they all make me happy and are such a contrast to my marriage.

As I type this, my puppy is on my chest and listening to my heartbeat -it soothes my soul and that fills the need I might otherwise have.

I hope you find someone, I truly do, but please realize that you can have a fulfilling life without a mate.

Lynne

The message I seem to get from this forum is that we have to and can be happy with just ourselves and I understand that (more so since joining this forum). Does anyone believe that if you truly want a mate, that it is possible at any age? I don't mean settle for "whatever", but actively pursue the possibility. This is only when healed and as I said, I am not even close, not sure if I ever will be, and even though I don't want to spend life without a partner, I would never settle for "anyone".

When I broke up, it was hard, it was hard to realized that I don't have anybody with me.

But I have noticed as times is passing, more I am learning about myself, more I see the flexibility I have with respect my last marriage, where I felt like prisoner.

If I see around today, I see I have pretty full life, with freinds, kids and family. I can enjoy everybody's company the way I want, I can entertain anybody the way I want, which is giving a lot of satisfaction.

Yes never say never... You never know what is in the future. But I am not desparate or looking... Just want to enjoy today...:)

I am also ''only'' in my mid 40's. Maybe in 10 years I will feel differently. Right now though I just think that I keep getting better and better as I grow older. I am getting a wisdom--I guess from life experiences! I just feel that I am increasingly on top of my game.

Yes, I would like to know what it is like to be in a mutually beneficial healthy relationship. But I will never again settle for anything less than what I deserve!

I do believe that a mate is possible at any age! I also hope you can find someone and I believe if you are ready, you can indeed find a healthy relationship. Heck, it is easy to find an unhealthy one! You could have that today if you want!

I guess for right now I'm the oldest one up at this hour. I'm 62 1/2 years old. I just got divorced on 12/01/10. In Jan 2011 I would have been married 30 years. I'm not ready for a relationship but would love to have someone hold me and "make the world go away for awhile". I don't see another relationship in my future, but it would be nice to have someone love me and treat me nice. Maybe someday my "Prince" will finally come into my life.

hi there
I am 51 and split up 1 year ago. I spent 35 years with my stbx and I cannot imagine ever being with someone else especially at my age. But I am still having a hard time with the death of our marriage so finding someone else is not at the top of my list. Yes I do know of people who are older than myself and in your age group too who have found another partner. they say there is someone for everyone, so yes I believe if you really want a partner you will find one.

I am 60, 40 yrs married and now separated, I also am scared to death. cry all the time for what's lost.

I still have my mother to take care of, so that keeps me going, also I have 3 children and 6 grandkids which I hope will keep me busy, I also volunteer once a week.

The sadness and grieving for what we lost will always be there, but in time it will lessen, I hope, or else I too don't know.

As for a mate, I wish that one day someone will come along to share things with again, but never settle.

I believe we deserve alot more than what we originally settled for.

I am 55 and it is very lonely to start over but I didn't have a choice. At this time in my life I don't know what I want. I would like to have someone in my life for companionship but I don't think I would want to do this all over again with someone else. I have started to enjoy being able to come and go as I please but I get lonely.

I'm over 50 and have many of the same fears. I do not have any children, so in some ways it feels harder because I feel completely alone. But I am going to keep living and keep hoping. I also realize that I need to be happy with myself and that it's better to be alone than with someone who is indifferent to your needs, opinions and hopes for the future. I'm trying to re-build my life and I can't imagine doing that without hanging onto the hope that life can still bring wonderful things in our direction.

I am just getting divorced after 23 years. I have a lot of work to do on me, but I absolutely know love will be back for me. I just attended the most beautiful wedding of my life uniting my dear 55 year old friend and her new 60 something husband. It took some time for her to get through the loss of her marriage before true love showed up.

I don't post much anymore but lurk once in a while to check on friends. I have been divorced just over two years after a 30+ year marriage. I had those feelings for a while until I figured out that I AM worthy of the best out there..... I had my self doubt by the boxcar, but lady friends convinced me that I was real and that I was a good man worthy of any lady regardless of age. So I got my confidence back something that I was lacking as a younger man even, I have enjoyed relationships with ladies aged from their early 30's to their late 60's and am currently dating a fabulous lady that just turned 62.....marriage maybe someday maybe never but I am living life.... hope this helps....AJJ

almost forgot...over the hill....... never......... still climbing the mountain.... and you should be also......

I hear you. My 2nd husband left me for a colleague. I was 38. Got diagnosed with stage III breast cancer while we were separated. Huge double blow to the self confidence.

And yet I find it's almost a filter. The truly good people don't care about your age, your physical manifestation. They are out there.

Thanks for all the feedback..... most are very inspiring. I just knew there had to be someone out there who understood what I meant. Thank you!