Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I gave her one last chance tonight to change her mind about the divorce and she said no.
I'm not going to be able to file tomorrow as planned due to unforeseen circumstances but I was able to get one thing accomplished tonight and that was the destruction of my wedding band. It looked great on my finger but after taking the pliers to it, it will never go on to a finger again.
I guess this could be considered part of the grieving/moving on process and I needed to do it for my own peace of mind. I took video with my phone as I did it...showed the ring on my finger then took it off and crushed it. She doesn't know it yet but one day if she gets me substantially pissed off, I'll send her the video. Hell, I may even use one of the pictures for an avatar. I hate feeling vindictive but I want her to see an effect of the pain she has caused.
This damn roller coaster has a way of turning me into someone I don't like and I'll be glad when it's behind me!
I'm not going to be able to file tomorrow as planned due to unforeseen circumstances but I was able to get one thing accomplished tonight and that was the destruction of my wedding band. It looked great on my finger but after taking the pliers to it, it will never go on to a finger again.
I guess this could be considered part of the grieving/moving on process and I needed to do it for my own peace of mind. I took video with my phone as I did it...showed the ring on my finger then took it off and crushed it. She doesn't know it yet but one day if she gets me substantially pissed off, I'll send her the video. Hell, I may even use one of the pictures for an avatar. I hate feeling vindictive but I want her to see an effect of the pain she has caused.
This damn roller coaster has a way of turning me into someone I don't like and I'll be glad when it's behind me!
Okay, so you know pushing one of her buttons with the video you took doesn't feel right. That's a good first step!
Maybe destroying the ring was cathartic for you. A purging, if you will. Why corrupt that by rubbing it in her face?
Hang in there John. Stay true to your inner self. Your core. In the long run you'll be glad you did. When all is said and done, you'll feel worse about your misdeeds than hers.
But, maintaining your diginity throughout the process will help you sleep better at night, knowing you stayed true to who you are.
It sucks. Definitely. There were many times I posted here and said "How come I can't be an asshole? Must be nice to live in a world, not giving a shit how others feel?" I think that, sometimes, because...wow, it would be SO EASY.
But is also is NOT me...and it's not YOU.
You're better than that, John, just hang in there!
I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by emotion last night and I know that led to the destruction. That is the first time I had even thought about the ring in months and I don't know why it hit me so hard feeling that I needed to get rid of it in a condition where it could never be worn again.
I think my actual plan will be to delete the video and just bury the ring in the back yard. I'm not a vindictive person by nature and I think just the opposite came out in my post. Maybe it was a catharsis to destroy it, the most visible remnant of the marriage that I thought would last the rest of my life.
I just want you to know that I do.
Hugs!
Instead I focus on ME. Taking care of ME. Because if I don't who will, you know? Plus I know that anything like that I do only slows down my road to getting over the POS.
Sending her the video/pictures doesnt solve anything, youre only using it as a means of hurting someone else, which doesnt make you better in comparison. I totally understand you wanting her to see the effect of her actions, but youll only wind up feeling worse when you do so and see she doesnt give a crap.
It wont have an effect on her, and will backfire and have a massive effect on you. Is it worth it?
Focus on what will actually heal you.
BUT giving her the damaged ring is NOT GOING TO GET YOU THE REACTION YOU WANT.
You want her to see it, or the video and get upset that you've done this to the ring and oh my god how could you because of what it MEANT.
She.
Won't.
Care.
You will then get angry/upset/distraught at the lack of the preconceived reaction.
Save yourself the grief. Delete the video, put the ring in an envelope and tuck it under the silverware dispenser in the kitchen.
I am truly sorry for your pain. It will get better, though. It will get much, much better.
In the meantime, I hear gold is worth a lot these days! I suggest you sell the ring and treat yourself.
Just going to bury it in the yard and let it go..
Be good to yourself.