Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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playerapr 02/15/2011

Once upon a time I was a firm believer of once a cheater always a cheater and I use to look at those women that forgave their husbands indiscretions as weird creatures and thinking to myself that they were crazy cause that was never going to happen to me. Well the world have a crazy way of challenging your believes. My husband cheated back in 2007, brief affair with this girl that didn't even know he was married and he swore that he was sorry, that if wouldn't happen again and he love me. Well silly me forgave me and we worked really hard to rekindle and make our marriage work. Things were going great, he was doing wonderful and better than ever. Fast forward 2-3 years later and now he is in an emotional affair which is worst than the physical, he bonded with this female and now he can't break that bond. He says he haven't cheated cause he didn't slept with her but feelings develop betweem him and this other female. We discussed divorce in a few ocassions but he says he wants to work things out but he is been honest on how he feels about this other woman in his life. He says he cut of all communication with her but he misses her. So here I am, the strong willed woman that was never going to stay with a man that cheated, fighting for her marriage and her man like a lion does protecting her cubs. I never thought that I was going to be here again but here I am wondering once a cheater always a cheater??

deleted_user 02/15/2011

My husband cheated on me twice.... i say yes.. once a cheater always a cheater.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

i think that you already know the answer to this one.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

Without a doubt.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Yours has proven himself. Don't allow yourself to continue to be hurt in this way.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

Not necessarily. When people say "once a cheater always a cheater" they are answering this based on their own experiences with their past or present partner. Other people's experiences will not necessarily be those of your own. Make your own judgement on this situation. Because 9 times out of 10 the same people who say "once a cheater, always a cheater", (implying that the relationship is doomed) are the same ones who have yet to figure out how to make a relationship work.....consider the source.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

Yes, once a cheater always a cheater. Been there!

This whole subject really burns my butt! There is absolutely no excuse for cheating.....none! Spend some energy on your wife/girlfriend instead.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

Let's challenge the logic of this for a second: Are fat people destined to always be fat? Are codependent people destined to always be codependent? Most people on this site are here because they want a better life and want to grow and change. Why is it possible that others can't???: cheaters. And no, I do not condone cheating and yes I think people who do it are selfish. I do agree that change for them (well, anyone really) is hard, but possible. But to sit here and think you can change and others can't is hypocritical....

deleted_user 02/15/2011

ive never tested the theory- if they cheat on me, its a deal breaker. i dont wait around to see if they will do it to me again. its of no consequence to me.

Lstecker 02/15/2011

Ouch...yeah, I do believe that 'once a cheater, always a cheater.' I also believe in 'if someone shows you who they are, feel free to believe them.'

Sending you support, L~

deleted_user 02/15/2011

# 8 - There seems to be a theme with all your postings today.

This site is depressing.....
Those who have been cheated on have yet to understand how to make a relationship work......
Others can't change is hypocritical......

What's your issue???? You've done nothing but criticize. Your posts are what I find depressing and very negative.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

Well, I got cheated on once by my EX (and it was an emotional affair and, yes, and emotional affair is DEVASTATING) so I don't know if he would've cheated again had we stayed married, but I do know, when our marriage was suffering and I expressed my feelings of unimportance, he was cheating...then lied to me for months when I asked about this broad. I know when the chips were down, and we should've communicated with each other, he was having an affair. Is he a cheater for good because he did it once? I don't know...but I know he sure as hell didn't get the whole "in good times and bad" part of the vows.

deleted_user 02/15/2011

I think if they cheat once and are truly sorry.. they can change. People CAN learn from their mistakes.
I also think if it is a repeat pattern.. maybe they don't want to learn/change.
I am all for giving second chances.. My stbx just had his 3rd strike! He has proven he can't change.

Best of luck!

deleted_user 02/15/2011

it seesm that a really big indicator and trigger for growth and change is honesty with self and others,

has he been honest with you about this emotional affair from the start, is he asking you for help and support and to work as a team through his struggle with temptation?

or has he hidden it and been forced to admit it only because you kept finding evidence to confront him about it?

does he have the signs of an honest man who will work hard to bond intimately with you - even though there will be tough times in the relationship?

lori47 02/15/2011

I hate to even admit this, but this board is about being hones. NO, not once a cheater/always a cheater. Yes, it depends on the individual.

I can say this....because I cheated on my ex 1x only!!! That was 18 yrs ago. I always, always regretted it. I knew I would never, never repeat that mistake. My ex turned around 15 yrs ago and cheated on me. We worked it out for many years. He did end up cheating again on me...IMO. He doesn't think so as he abandoned the household and hooked up with OW within a couple of days. I say that is a cheat because he never mentioned a divorce..nothing.

But what I wanted to say is don't judge a cheater by one mistake. BTW, even though he had OW when I filed for divorce, the biggest issue was his alcoholism and he wasn't willing to change that...was really the deal breaker.

hurtinandhealin2560 02/15/2011

I think the issue boils down to are you going to stay with a cheater? He has already shown you that he will cheat, both physically and emotionally.

I forgave my ex for his first affair but made it very clear that if it happened again, I would divorce him.

It happened again and I divorced him.

I think the bottom line is you deserve better and deserve someone who will be honest and treat you with respect.

Pack his bags, send him to the OW, call an attorney. I just think he will continue to do this.

I'm so sorry.

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