Ive been doing great for weeks. Ready to grab single life by the horns and ride off into the sunset, and then yesterday happened. Hearing her admit to having feelings for another man was something I was unprepared for. Ive known in my heart for a long time that she has feelings for him and ive assumed that they have having an affair. So why in the hell is this so painful all of a sudden. All the weepyness has returned. Went to work today in full zombie mode. Wearing my sunglasses as much as possible to hide my puffy red eyes.
Im so frustrated. I had convinced myself that I was over this stage. I have not seem my therapist in a few weeks because I felt I didnt have anything to talk about. I scheduled an appointment today for next week.
I just feel so worthless and betrayed. There has been no mourning for her. She has never been bothered bybthe whole situation because this is what she wanted. She has already moved on. I cant believe that after 20 years together she could be swept off her feet on a two week business trip. I cant believe Im going through this again. The pain is just as real as last time, if not worse. I just cant stop myself from thinking about the two of the going out to our old resturants and hangouts. Sitting down in the evenings after work and cusdling on the couch watching all of the shows we used to watch.
I was set up to have a great day. The weight of telling the kids had been lifted. I even told my parents and they took it better than I thought they would. I went to sleep prepared to wake up focused on the boys and continuing to help them. When I woke this morning I knew right away those plans were out the window. The all too familiar gloom and doom feeling filled me from head to toe and I didnt even want to get out of bed. Im not holding back. Im letting the tears rain as much as they want too Im hoping that this is going to be a short lived hiccup. Im sure it wont be the last but I feel like I need to be focusing on helping my boys and I cant do that feeling like this. Bad spouses really suck!
I am at a better place with my ex and his wife than I have ever been. I can actually have a conversation with him on the phone and keep my cool. When either one of them does something annoying I just do an eyeroll, chalk it up to them being them, and move on with my life. What I'm struggling with is the double identity crisis. Years ago I went to going away party for my mother when she...
This is a link by Darlene Lancer https://www.whatiscodependency.com/trauma-abuse-breakups-divorce-ptsd/#more-13463 about abusive relationships and moving forward.After reading this and speaking to my therapist by phone today, as I progress through the begining of trauma work I'm finding that this article speaks to 'me codependent' to what I hope to achieve Some Day as 'Me, healed of...