Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am new to this site.. I joined because I am feeling so alone and am in desperate need of opinions and advice. Ok so to give a little background, I am 28 years old and have been at my current job for four years. About 6 months ago I got really close with a male coworker who is my age. He initiated conversation with me and it went from emailing to texting, to texting all day every day. I quickly considered him my best friend and vice versa. This guy also happens to have a girlfriend of 5 years whom he lives with. We didn't talk about her.. And although they live together, he still found time to spend all of his time texting me. Back in March things started getting flirty via text... He initiated this and then quickly had a change of heart a few days later, telling me he didn't want to lead me on and it wasn't fair to me or his gf. We remained close friends but now there was more between us.. We had this crazy connection and we couldn't help it. One night we went out for drinks and I attempted to kiss him.. He pushed me away saying he couldn't cheat on his gf. Then about a week later, things got sexual. we were both drunk texting one night and one thing led to another .. Then we began having sex together. It was a daily occurrence and the chemistry was absolutely unbelievable. We still talked all day every day and I finally admitted to myself (not him) that I was in love with him. he made me happy, he made me smile, he cheered me up when I was feeling down. He was crazy about me. Every once in a while though, I would think about the situation and it would make me sad. He wasn't mine. I couldn't sleep next to him, I couldn't meet his family, I couldn't go on dates... he said I was one of the most important people in his life but I was his dirty little secret. Sometimes I got emotional but I wouldn't tell him why, out of fear of opening up and being rejected (I knew in my heart he wasn't leavin her). So last week it was two days before he was leaving for a week long vacation w the gf and his family. I get my period and my emotions are going crazy. He's trying to carry on normal conversation w me and I'm giving him one word answers. For two days I was very mean to him, completely blowing him off. I still was physical w him before he left because I wanted to please him and wanted him to think of me when he was gone, but I wouldn't speak to him... I wanted to but I was pushing him away and I don't know why. Well... The next day he told me that he needs to focus on working through things with his gf... I'm crushed. I haven't eaten in days and I can't sleep. I cry all day. He comes back to work next week and he wants to basically tell me in person what he already told me through text but I don't think I can handle it. I can't handle seeing him. I feel like the biggest idiot. I don't know why I push people away instead of telling them how I feel. My emotions don't match my actions. I pushed away my best friend and I don't know how to go on and I don't know how to forgive myself. I've never felt so broken. Has anyone else ever pushed away someone they love and regretted it? I want to know why I did what I did, and how I will survive seeing him every day of my life.
Imagine that the person YOU love and trust, who is committed to YOU for 5 years, is lying to you.
Sneaking around behind your back.
Sleeping with someone, then coming home and sleeping with you.
Playing "family" with you, but texting someone else constantly.
It does not feel good to be that person, the person who gets cheated on.
Not judging you. Just letting you know. Would you want your sister or best friend to be treated that way by their BF?
In all reality, I wish I could tell her, hey honey your BF is cheating on you.
Because she deserves better.
And so do you.
When you are with a man who is cheating, you are with a man who cheats.
Maybe he is not a "bad" person, whatever that means.
But, he is lying.
To BOTH of you.
You deserve more.
He cheats because it makes HIM feel valuable, wanted, desired.
He has 2 women fighting for his affections, how nice for him.
Maybe you don't care how she feels, and you don't have to, I guess.
But you deserve more than to be someone's side piece.
His texts, his words, may make you feel wonderful, and I get that feeling, I really do.
But, he doesn't back it up with actions.
He is not treating you in a loving respectful manner
Let him go.
If not for the fact that you shouldn't be with a taken man, then for the fact that you should not stand for someone who is a liar and who doesn't respect you enough to be monogamous with you.
He wants to recommit to her, as much as that may hurt now, realize that's the most respectable thing he's done, is to try to be faithful, to try to stop betraying someone. Let him go and realize that there is a guy out there for you that you won't have to share with anyone. Because you deserve better than someone who hides you in the shadows and goes home to someone else.
It's your decision, and likely you will pass my comments off as judgmental.
However, when you realize one day that NO ONE deserves to be second best, maybe you will see where I'm coming from.