Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I am new to this site.. I joined because I am feeling so alone and am in desperate need of opinions and advice. Ok so to give a little background, I am 28 years old and have been at my current job for four years. About 6 months ago I got really close with a male coworker who is my age. He initiated conversation with me and it went from emailing to texting, to texting all day every day. I quickly considered him my best friend and vice versa. This guy also happens to have a girlfriend of 5 years whom he lives with. We didn't talk about her.. And although they live together, he still found time to spend all of his time texting me. Back in March things started getting flirty via text... He initiated this and then quickly had a change of heart a few days later, telling me he didn't want to lead me on and it wasn't fair to me or his gf. We remained close friends but now there was more between us.. We had this crazy connection and we couldn't help it. One night we went out for drinks and I attempted to kiss him.. He pushed me away saying he couldn't cheat on his gf. Then about a week later, things got sexual. we were both drunk texting one night and one thing led to another .. Then we began having sex together. It was a daily occurrence and the chemistry was absolutely unbelievable. We still talked all day every day and I finally admitted to myself (not him) that I was in love with him. he made me happy, he made me smile, he cheered me up when I was feeling down. He was crazy about me. Every once in a while though, I would think about the situation and it would make me sad. He wasn't mine. I couldn't sleep next to him, I couldn't meet his family, I couldn't go on dates... he said I was one of the most important people in his life but I was his dirty little secret. Sometimes I got emotional but I wouldn't tell him why, out of fear of opening up and being rejected (I knew in my heart he wasn't leavin her). So last week it was two days before he was leaving for a week long vacation w the gf and his family. I get my period and my emotions are going crazy. He's trying to carry on normal conversation w me and I'm giving him one word answers. For two days I was very mean to him, completely blowing him off. I still was physical w him before he left because I wanted to please him and wanted him to think of me when he was gone, but I wouldn't speak to him... I wanted to but I was pushing him away and I don't know why. Well... The next day he told me that he needs to focus on working through things with his gf... I'm crushed. I haven't eaten in days and I can't sleep. I cry all day. He comes back to work next week and he wants to basically tell me in person what he already told me through text but I don't think I can handle it. I can't handle seeing him. I feel like the biggest idiot. I don't know why I push people away instead of telling them how I feel. My emotions don't match my actions. I pushed away my best friend and I don't know how to go on and I don't know how to forgive myself. I've never felt so broken. Has anyone else ever pushed away someone they love and regretted it? I want to know why I did what I did, and how I will survive seeing him every day of my life.
I propose that you were emotional because you are the other woman and it isn't fair. You are where he wants you. You're everything he needs without the actual attachment. One of you should've been the stronger one to not let it get this far. Not judging was there not too long ago. You may even have to be drastic and cease all communications outside of work and only maintain professionalism while at work. It will be hard but not for long. You deserve someone that completes the whole package for YOU!!
Hmmmm...
My advice is to not get involved with someone already in a committed relationship.
Thats all I got folks.
I know that connection felt deep, I've been there and I understand and I'm not judging at all... When I was in that position, I had to stop and think about these things:
1. He should respect me enough to not go there until or unless he is done with his relationship. Anything less than that is not respectful or kind... So what does this say about his true character? Could I ever fully trust him?
2. I can't be with someone and not "be" with them. The idea of him going from my bed to hers, makes me want to vomit.
3. I want love. Actual love, scream it from the rooftops, run stupid errands together and laugh the whole way, wake up and smile because that warm body beside me isn't going to wake up and run out the door.
Secrets cancel out true love.
You deserve better.
Keep your chin up and be strong.
You don't respect yourself, he doesn't respect you or his girlfriend, and you obviously don't respect yourself, his girlfriend or us.
Clearly you have a sense that what you were doing was inappropriate, because you immediately ask us not to judge.
I'm just wondering though that while you are asking us to be considerate of your feelings, how much consideration you have for anyone's else's feelings here.
Many are here in pain because of shenanigans like this.
This is what happens when people don't respect themselves, and do whatever the heck they feel like doing. People get hurt.
I think you have a lot of nerve coming on a breakups and divorce forum looking for sympathy, however your judgement is obviously not good. Neither are your boundaries, so we really can't expect better behavior from you.
I think you're reaping what you sowed.
Perhaps better judgement on your part with help spare you additional pain.
If you allow yourself to be used, deal with the consequences. Just as he will have to deal with them when his girlfriend finds out he's been cheating.