This afternoon I told my ex-boyfriend I want no communication with him for the next two months (minimum) so I can get over him.  I likely will never let the friendship resume.  We had been remaining much too close as friends and were both unable to keep boundaries.  He's always been terrible about that, throughout our tumultuous on and off relationship of the past 4 years.

I am still so heartbroken.  After some internet stalking after our conversation, I realize he already has another serious relationship in the works.  We've been formally apart since November, so I don't know why I'm so surprised.  He also has a history of cheating...He never cheated on me, but that's legitimately only because there were times when we agreed to an open relationship because it's been a distance relationship.  I truly was ok with this at the time...But I am so ashamed of myself for holding on to the feelings I've had for him.  I think of the future I imagined and despise that it ever made me smile.  I really hate myself for all of the excuses I made for maintaining the relationship.  I should in no way be surprised that he's moved on to manipulate someone new into thinking he's a catch, when really he has severe issues he masks very well.

I know that I'm on the right side of things through and through, yet I am still so utterly ashamed.  I feel humiliated and broken.  I hate myself for taking this long to cut ties with him.

On top of that, about a year and a half ago I moved to a different area in order to be closer to my family (still no closer to my ex).  My mother was dealing with Stage IV cancer and had to go through several drastic surgical procedures and chemotherapy.  It was the most difficult year of my life.  My ex, for all of his faults, was one of my rocks through those dark times.  It was so overwhelming, however, that I did not make time to make friends in my new area.  I also lost touch with friends in the state where I used to live, again just because I was so busy and I haven't been able to afford a visit back.  

I find myself isolated with very little support coming out of this relationship, so I've joined the group.