I went thru a similar situation after 19 years. She said we grew apart and then started wearing new clothes, jewelry, underwear etc because we grew apart (?). She has been nasty ever since. Take care of yourself, stay strong and realize you deserve better. Hang in there.

Can I ask how you are feeling now? At the moment this all seems impossible. And the damage it has done to the kids is sad. They are old enough to know he cheated and lied. He's still in the house and it's been horrible for all of us.

I think I can answer for most, its like getting a s+×t sandwich and asking for more. It sucks and the pain is not like anything you could ever imagine. I know you are hurting, we all try to stay strong some days we succeed others we fail miserably. There are a lot of good people on here, talk it out when you need too. Pray if you pray, most important thing for me is to take it one day at a time, thinking about the future is just to overwhelming.

My wife pulled the same thing after 24 years. Turns out she was having an affair I didn't know about till about eight months later with a family friend ha ha ..jokes on me. My kids were old enough to know she was cheating they both don't have much to do with her anymore they spend all the holidays with me which works out great ..just know it seems impossible now but I'm almost 3 years out and it does get much better..personally it took about a year to start feeling good and about two years to start feeling normal so it does take time but don't think of that just think one day at a time, you'll make it!

If you feel like changing therapists, this would be a good time to do it because It gets worse before it gets better. I found a great one on Psychology Today's website. They have a feature where you put in your zip code and get back a list of licensed therapists in your area and their profiles. I chose two that suited me best and interviewed them briefly over the phone and then I went with the one I felt I clicked with. I've been seeing her for almost six months. I don't know what I would have done without her. In the beginning, I cried almost non-stop in every session, but now I am much stronger and happier. I made sure to schedule appointments with her right after every time I had to meet with stbx and his bully attorneys and after every time the attorneys went to court and we didn't have to go with them. She has helped me put a plan together.

Another thing I did was read every divorce book I could get my hands on. I got a lot of encouragement and ideas from them.

Also, make an appointment to speak with your bank's financial advisors. Mine have been WONDERFUL! They have been meeting with me regularly over the last few months, helping me plan my financial future, such as whether I should keep my house or sell it, what to do with my share of the 401K, etc. They have given me a lot of comfort and prevented me from making a big mistake with the 401K. Best of all, their services are free.

Like STex said, some days you are going to feel strong, but other days you are going to feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It will get better though. (((HUGS)))

My ex said the same thing after 24 years and married his mistress of 6 years only 4 months after the divorce was final. Unfortunately, because he had the family home, the money and the family they grew up with, I ended up the big loser. I felt like although they were young adults, HE got custody. It's been 9 years and FINALLY thanks to maturity, things are getting better with my kids.

Just know you are not alone and let people who love you help you. I had a great therapist, family and friends who took care of me as I practically suffered a breakdown.

It takes time and alot of it, so be kind to yourself when you have a bad day. HUGSS

On a side note, I DID recover, met my second husband and have been remarried for 5 years...and I thought I'd be alone the rest of my life!

I hope you realize that this is your husband's issue and not yours. He has a major character flaw that has nothing to do with you. It doesn't matter if people grow apart or not. To make a decision to cheat tells you they're unethical and have low moral standards.

People who don't cheat, are this way because cheating is wrong. It's not okay to cheat for ANY reason. You work on the marriage, you don't justify cheating because things aren't going well. My ex cheated on me so many times and I never cheated on him. I could have cheated and used the excuse that he did it to me. But I didn't cheat because cheating is wrong, plain and simple. I couldn't do something like that and still like myself. Cheaters have major issues. Don't let your husband pin this on you.