Edit: omit "either - I do want to end things, they do not.

You two will have to sit down and have a talk.

Is there a reason that you want to break up?

You can talk about it with your partner, and then it is up to you. If you want to break it off, then there is no easy way except to just tell them.

Does your partner know about the incompatibilities between you two? Are they unwilling to work with you on these?

Relationships don't last forever. If you want out, you will just have to tell them. Have arrangements ready for moving out - place, date, etc. Stick to the date and you move out.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. We basically have nothing in common and want completely different things, all around. Also, there's no particularly nice way to say this, but I do not think he is a good person. We've been together for so long and I suppose that is what is making it hard for me to just...have that conversation and leave. I do know you're right and I do appreciate the genuine response. I am sad and lonely all around - I honestly can't even think straight and I feel I've completely lost myself.

I'm a reasonably nice person, and people say that. I do want to mention one of the regrets in my life. I was going with a nice girl, pleasant good person, but ultimately it wasn't there. One time I went to break up, she cried, and we stayed another 8 months. Ultimately since the relationship wasn't permanent, I really did her a disservice.

It's like a bandaid, you have to pull it off and it will hurt, and you have to listen to your friend and that will hurt too. But ultimately you are helping no one by just letting this thing go on, he's entitled to someone with whom he is really compatible and so are you. Stop concentrating on the one day of stress, and look at months and years that will be wasted by staying together.

Bobby, that is such a simple yet effective analogy and example. Thank you for that insight. It is really hard and scary to face this inevitable. For two years my husband and I have been trying to make this work, and more than once he has said "what do you really want?" and stated that "he doesn't want to waste any more time". And frankly, neither do I. But this is hard to admit and accept, and, well, just DO.

Jersey83, Yes, it would be difficult to do.

But here's the thing. He has become "familiar" to you and "comfortable" after all these years. That doesn't mean you have to stay together forever. Or that you two are right for each other. You are just used to each other, and we ALL worry about - "But what else is out there? Will I ever find any one again? Maybe this isn't so bad...."

Only you know when you've had enough. He may be feeling the same way, who knows?? At least you know you gave it your all.

Also - it's scary to think about breaking up and being alone. But don't you kind of feel alone now, even with him?

I hope things work out for you, whatever you decide.

What's that song by that young blond singer...Shake,shake shake him off...
Time's awastin'...it won't get any easier than right now. dear. Just make sure it's
a clean break...no take backs in six months and no make-up whoopee if you don't find someone very soon...that would not be fair to him, honey.