Sorry your going through this my dear but if it has been years of this toxic cycle your best bet is to separate possibly get counseling if not together seperately for the yourselves and to learn how to coparent. Love is diffucult yet at times we forget to save and salvage our own hearts. Every person on this earth is deserving of love, of having someone be genuinely good to them. At times the ones we want may not be that person. It doesnt make them a bad person just unable to love us at that time. Hope you find peace of mind and clarity.

You need to consider the kids.
You fought for custody and lost and now she's ready to leave them with you. I would pack her bags for her and send her on her way, then get a court order granting you custody due to abandonment. You two together are a toxic mess.

I agree with most of what KBB said. Up to the toxic mess. Frankly the summary you provide is concerning, I would say you two are codependent with each other.

Take some time away from her. IF she moves home then let that be the end. Now stand up for your kids and do right by them. Be the father you are meant to be.

For a moment before you take action, I urge you to just stop. Let all of the feelings, love - hate - hurt - happiness run through you mind. Hopefully you will hear what your heart and mind want... Just stop to listen to them both. When they agree then you know you will be happy with your decision. Don't make any solid decisions until they do. I learned this lesson the hard way.

Oh goodness! This sounds very unhealthy marriage. How are you two not exhausted from this all? I really have no advice just wish you guys the best and hope your kids make it out ok.

just my own curiosity, by allowing the vicious cycle its become an accepted norm. What would happen if she didn't have you to come running to? would she give greater consideration for what you have to offer? if not, is that what you want going forward?

i also caution against begging and pursuing as it reinforces her believing you'll always be there for her as you have been thus far. Flipping the switch and going distant may cause her to pursue (not always, but it does happen often)

i also suggest you doing things for you. enjoy life, try new things

Hi, I do not mean any disrespect to you, as I can tell you have been on this rollercoaster of emotions for what 5 years.... But HELLO, time to wake up guy,she is having her cake and eating it to,and again no disrespect to you,you are letting her,go now ASAP and get a lawyer most have free consults,do a payment plan if need be,because if you think your confused imagine how your kids feel.....they need stability so I say tell lawyer everything you just said in this post and then some because I am sure there is more,and fight for full custody. I am sorry to say you need to say goodbye to her. Again I am sorry if my reply came off as rude,I just hate it when people take advantage of others. Best of luck and keep us posted.

Without going into too many personal details, your story sounds all too familiar to me. I have been on both sides of this situation and I have to be honest, it's not good, or fair, to anyone. Literally, every bit of this (her story and yours) is eerily similar to what I went through with my ex-husband. I wish, truly wish, that we had accepted our losses and divorced when things initially went bad. If we had, I feel that we would both be in a much better place now. I still deal with this heartache on a daily basis and we have been divorced for a year. In hindsight, there are so many things we should have done differently. We ultimately ended up hurting each other much more by refusing to accept that things were over. I have so many things I could share, in terms of where both of you are probably coming from, but I'm not entirely comfortable posting it here. If you ever have any questions in terms of where her mind might be, feel free to shoot me a message. Like I said, I've been in this exact situation before.

I appreciate the responses. Most speak to,what I already know to be true, just haven't accepted that there's nothing I can do to,fix it. And that's what I do, who I am. I fix things, I've told her numerous times, just tell me what you and I both know is the truth. But somehow I'm too damn stubborn to accept it.

I am at odds with myself, I believe in God, the sanctity of marriage, and I am an advocate of rebuilding marriages if the two are willing to do the work. But what you’ve described is nothing short of abuse, she’s taking advantage of your feelings and commitment to this relationship and a part of me is screaming, ‘RUN AWAY, GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.’

If you are willing, it sounds as if you are, I think you should get professional help and wipe the slate clean! You need to heal, this is nothing but a destructive cycle that will soon begin to negatively impact your kids if it hasn’t already. If she’s still cheating on you then she’s exposing you and the kids to health risks etc. and other liabilities accompanying this type of behavior.

Most of all, your kids need YOU, they need a healthy YOU, and I apologize for my remarks, but you need to hear it…YOU BOTH need help to get out of this rut! Spiritual and mental counseling would be where I’d start: your church or local marriage counselor. Otherwise, you’ll always be the safe haven, the security blanket when things go badly in her life and your kids will suffer. You and your kids deserve better, you’re worth more than this, you owe it to yourself and your kids to get healthy!

Please consider what I’ve written, as I’ve stated, I’m a man of God and I will continue to pray for you and your family and I’m sorry if I’ve offended you and we may not know one another, but that doesn’t mean I care any less about your well-being!