Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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kj427 03/15/2017

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me through a note. For one last time. On top of that, we had just gotten back together (him coming back to me, two days later after breaking up with me) 3 months prior. Confusing? Yeah, I know.

We had been living together for six months in December, we had been fighting a lot (mostly about me wanting him to just spend time with me, and all he wanted to do was play on his computer), and when he broke up with me then, I had found out that he had found a house to buy for himself. Behind my back, while living with me, he had been biding his time for a month, wanting to break it off, and I seriously had no idea.

While I was trying to comprehend what had happened, he came back two days later, saying how much he realized he had made a mistake, he had already missed me, and he could not see anyone else but me in his new house with him. He said he had been a mess those two days without me. I guess because I am forgiving and loyal, and he had asked if we could go to couples counseling (which I had asked and dropped a long time ago), I agree to giving us another try.

I felt like we were getting better, working at our relationship, and I was trying to accept that we were in different houses, getting over the betrayal and living in the moment. I came home to a hand written note, saying the following: 1) he was just in the relationship because he did not want to see me cry/hurting; 2) even though he had said so in therapy, he did not see himself marrying me or having kids in the near future, if at all; 3) he cared about me and hoped that I "found the perfect man and had beautiful children with him". I had texted him after finding the note, asking why he had not said this in person. He replied he would have felt horrible and just continue to go through the motions...I let him have it at that point, which ended with nothing more said to me and him defriending me on Facebook.

I'm still so angry and devastated. He was my first major boyfriend and now breakup. I'll be 29 next month, and I just feel like I have wasted my time and that I will not find anyone better (to trust, to actually want to hangout with me instead of play video games, etc.). I know that he is wrong for me, and in the end, I hope that I can see he did me a favor, but I just cannot right now. Instead, I sit here wondering what's he doing, will he come back or ever regret what he did, will he ever change...it would make me feel so much better if he could at least feel half of my pain. I have issues sleeping...probably eat more because I have to...I live on my own, which I think makes it worse. I know it's only be a couple of weeks, but I am feeling like I will never get over him. That I will continue to waste my precious time to actually find someone who would give a damn about me.

raindrop 03/15/2017

I am sorry for what you are going through. It's a real heart break. It sounds like a borderline personality disorder. Be grateful that you are still young and not married and have kids with him. Learn from it and move on. This person is not a person to trust and have a relationship with. You have your whole life ahead of you and do not let him waste another day of your life. I invested 20 years of my life, living with a person like your boyfriend and I have two kids with him. Things with these kind of character never gets better and only gets worse. If I were you, I would run.

Ghostdancer 03/15/2017

Yes my divorce is still not done making this 38 years married 40 together. Whoever says oh I really should look at this persons whole being and note flaws and strengths. At least I didn't so do count yourself fortunate that he checked himself out of the relationship. As I said mines not done and come June if the courts say rescheduled again for the fourth time I won't be even close to taking her back and the alcoholism with her. It's a big world with over umpteen billion of us on this ol rock and I'll be willing to bet you will give yourself time and look the next person with a wee bit more scrutiny. No rush give yourself time please.

mirandac 03/15/2017

Stay in therapy to help guide you thru all
Of this and move thru all the hurt, pain and
Betrayal.

When you are grieving it is a good time to
Focus on yourself and heal. The healthier
You are the healthier you will attract in the
Future. Sounds like you dodged a bullet,
HUGS

jojored 03/15/2017

He sounds very immature. At 28, he should be able to be direct and honest in communications with you. To lie to the couple's counselor, so as not to hurt you? Look, he did hurt you! He was just saving himself grief from having to actually deal with you. Stbx is a chickenshit too, can't deal with any type of situation which causes him the slightest bit of distress. Like real communication. Can't do it. You know better now for next time. Give yourself time to grieve, you'll be just fine eventually.

Miek0 03/15/2017

Its difficult to see yourself without him because you've devoted yourself to him so much and haven't really had anyone else. Also, you know his personality, his body...his entire existence is familiar to you and comforting. However, take a step back. You have no idea how many people out there who are an entirely way better fit for you and who would be able to completely sync with your personality and be on the same page. I know that doesn't really help much because you want him, but if someone doesn't want you and only take advantage of you, its only going to end up destroying you. If you hang on to him, it will get toxic, and he will end up resenting you. Let's be real, he's been using you for emotional comfort whenever he feels down. When he feels a little better, he leaves you. You're like a pet to him. I'm sorry if that sounds a little rough, but I just got out of the same situation and let myself be taken advantage.
Start by changing his name in your phone to something you don't like.
Start going through the breakup process.
Do not contact him.
Start focusing on your personal happiness.
Find a hobby
Find a meetup group.
Anything that doesn't involve him.
Get your power back.

seeker01 03/15/2017

I so feel your pain, it is so hard to get all the "what ifs" out of our heads...but you have a lot of really good facts to back up the truth that he was not a good fit you and would have spent the majority of your time together trying to get him to care or at least show how he cared about you and your relationship. You would never want to have kids with this person, trust me... someone on this site recommended a good book to me called "safe people" which I found very helpful and may guide you to someone that would make for a much better future :) You are a perfect age to have learned this lesson and can now co-create an amazing relationship that will thrive. I send you peace!

Harley 03/15/2017

Our stories are very similar, so I can certainly empathize with you. I am very sorry for you to have to go through this. My partner of 5 years ended our relationship through a text message about 4 months ago. I can tell you that it will get easier, and you will meet someone else. I know it's hard now, but it will be better. Any time if you need to talk, you're more than welcome to message me.

Karen_31 03/16/2017

I feel your pain. My husband, my best friend, left about two weeks ago, because he needs to figure what he wants on his life and because he is not sure he loves me anymore...
I can really understand what you are saying about the inability of seen yourself happy again, basically not being able to move on. I feel the same way.
The difference is that we have been together for 10 years, married for 3 and we have a 20 months old daughter, which makes it soooooo much harder.
As someone else said in a previous post, consider yourself lucky.
We will get through it! I know it!
Don't get me wrong, I'm devastated, the first week I was crying and weeping all day, I can not sleep, I can't eat... But I have moments of clarity, like now, where I KNOW we're going to be ok...

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