Let me make two things very clear:
1- There is no doubt in my mind that I am the best thing for my wife.
2 - I deserve her love and commitment.

I am confident in those two things. I do feel that she will understand these to be true if she allows them to be possible in her mind and has time to see me for who I am.

I am also confident that if she divorces me there will come a day she regrets the tragic mistake. I know this woman very well and have seen how her mind has worked over the years.

Could I find someone better? If there is something I'm not confident in is a woman's commitment (forgive me ladies I want to believe in you I promise). I love my wife deeply and recognize both her fabulous qualities and her character flaws. I may be going down with the ship but I owe that to the wonderful woman she has been in the past, my precious children, and my own honor and beliefs.

@IDontMakeHerHapp...
" Let me make two things very clear:
1- There is no doubt in my mind that I am the best thing for my wife.
2 - I deserve her love and commitment. "

I feel exactly the same way. I've been there for her in every way she needed me. She even told me once she cannot see how she can function in the real world without me. I told her I will always be there as I always have.

Funny thing, I think she's at that point where she wants to be alone to see if she can in fact make it without me. As she said, she needs to be alone and go through her "shit" on her own, without being in any relationship.

That's where the false hope begins.... Perhaps she will fail being on her own and realize she needs me? If so, do I hope that she fails? Do I even want her to be with me knowing she's only with me because she needs me and not because she wants to be with me?

Damn, why so complicated?

@Idontmakeherhpyenuf - Don't worry about offending the women on here. Most of us are going through the same thing you are. I can't even think about trusting another man. That is not a reflection on you, it's just the truth. We have all been burned by our spouses. I agree with you when you said that you are the best thing for your wife. I believe that I am the best thing for my husband. I have known him half of my life. I know him better than any other woman can. But if he doesn't want me to know him like that anymore, what can I do? Part of my husband leaving has to do with being on his own, doing his own thing. I never thought that I would wish him to fail at anything, but I find myself wanting him to fail miserably. I don't want him to come back though because I am the one that can pay the bills the best or cook the best. This is just too hard.

@Tailspin I've heard those exact words. I actually want my wife to repair her damaged self esteem. I want her to grow as a person and feel better about her life. I just don't understand why removing the constant love and support will help her. Why is it my fault when I would always support her endeavors or catch her when she stumbled? I too worked to provide her the ability to be a stay at home mom. I do think the job she just got will help her so much, but why am I something to escape and not a safe place to run to for comfort and passion?

I will wait and pray. I will be there for her. Meanwhile I will try to work on my own life to find happiness and perhaps it will be something she will want to be part of again.

As painful as it is, I accepted that I need to let her do what she needs to do. Although I know I shouldn't make myself too available for her, it's hard not to help her as she still lives with me. When she does move out, I will be very mature and civil, even just so I can still have a relationship with my step daughters (God I hate saying "step" as I've been a true father figure for them for over 10 years), but I will be less available to her. She will truly have to do things on her own and support her own lifestyle. If she really wants to be on her own and figure shit out, then that's what she will have to do.
I promised myself just 10 minutes ago, once she moves out, she's on her own. Only issue is I got her a job for the same company I work at, but in a different department and building. Knowing her the way I do, I'm thinking she will eventually screw that job up without my support. I hope it doesn't make me look bad as I referred her.

It is possible that if she can grow and find the maturity and responsibility it takes to flourish in that position you helped her get, that she will find the key to making the marriage work... Committed eternally to love you? I know it may seem like a long shot considering her history and current major fking up, but it IS possible. That is what I hope for with my wife.

I apologize for any fresh pain those words may cause in you as that is the last thing I want to do to you. The words are a dagger in me too.

I too dont have it in me to give up hope, to give up on my wife and my family... To throw everything we built away... but ive made the same mistakes... I kept trying and at times its pushed her further away... Its the hardest thing i have every had to deal with in my life and im sure the same for many others. Im not there yet... but i can feel myself starting to realize that my only option, and my best chance is to let go... easier said then done... but if i distance myself, and let go emotionally and pysically, it will start the slow process of healing... at the same time, it will do one of two things for your wife.... She will realize what she will be missing.. all the good in you that is no longer hers.... or two... She will be content with her choice and not feel she is missing anything... that would only mean she doesn't appreciate all you have to offer, doesn't appreciate you for the man you are, and doesn't have the love to give you.... and if your anything like me, which i think we are as i would do anythng for my wife... you deserve better... I deserve better... my wife was better.. she was the best... but i dont even know her right now... her heart is cold... I know these aren't words of encouragment... but your best chance is to let go and hope she comes back... thats all we can do... Never lose the hope, but plan for the worst... Good luck... your not alone, I cry myself to sleep everynight praying my wife changes her mind...

Thank you @ESL12 for taking the time to share. I do get something from your words. If nothing else I feel a little less alone. I miss my wife and best friend. I desperately hold on to any scrap of hope she throws me, and she has been though very stingily. I have totally immersed myself in my family over the years and though I develop good working relationships with people I am not social and have no real friends outside of family. I have not told my parents or brothers what is happening because I don't want them to treat her differently. They love her and she them. I'm looking into therapy options and church support groups but as of now I have no real outlet to express what I'm going through except this site. So any responses, advice or support is important to me. Thank you.

@IDontMakeHerHappy.... I too have not told my family, as I just don't have the courage to do so yet. Perhaps I will let friends and family know when she moves out. As you mentioned in previous posts, we have an eerily similar situation. I too have hopes she will snap out of it and decide to stay. I hope and hope and yes, there are times where she would say or do something that would make me feel VERY hopeful, then in an instance, she does or says something else that makes me realize she is still hell bent on leaving.

I have decided to keep my heart in check and as difficult as it is, I keep telling myself to be strong and accept she is leaving. As someone said, I hope for the best but I'll prepare for the worst.

I also noticed, the more I try, the more distant she becomes. So now, I let her initiate conversations and let her send the first text messages. Since I've backed off, she is more engaging....which again gives me another sense of hope....false hope that is.

I have not told my family either for the same reasons. I don't want them to hate my husband. I can't hide it much longer though. I think I will plan to tell them soon but keep it like the same conversation I will have with the kids. Non judgemental and vague. Ask that they not change the way they treat or speak to him. Not say anything negative around my children. My family doesn't need to know any specific details unless I want them to know. I am beginning to realize I need more support. I too broke contact with most of my friends. Luckily I found some great friends that will listen to me vent at work and writing and gathering support from the people here has been very helpful.

im doing the same thing.. holding on to the little signs of hope... Any key word or phrase that may mean there is hope... but im starting to realize that some of those signs are false hope.. Me taking a positive spin on what really is just day to day words... not a horrible thing, staying positive is always a plus... But i have to learn to take it for what its really worth. Ive tried my hardest for the last 7 weeks... Her brother has told me that ive done verything right, he couldn't have asked for a better guy for his sister.. he's angry with her... ive done it all... and he is right... If she wants to throw something so good away, I cant stop her. So Im working towards distancing myself... She wants a seperation, i have no choice but to give it to her. Like I said.. I hold on to the hope she will realize what she is missing... Its the preparing myelf for the possibility that she wont miss any of me thats the hardest part... and i intend on taking the seperation time to try.. key word... TRY to focus on myself and do things to make me happy... Its all i can do.. again.. easier said then done... and i still cry myself to sleep at night.

Please, it you are up to it a feel like sharing, update me on your progress. I pray it is positive. I appreciate the feelings of support I'm getting here.

I understand your pain and wanting to save your marriage, I did too but like most on here said, our spouses didn't so we are left with no choice but to let go and move on. It was the hardest, saddest thing I've ever gone through and it's so frustrating to give it your all and still be rejected. I don't wish this on anyone.

Good luck in your journey, it's going to be a long road whatever the outcome. Every relationship is worth another chance so I hope you get the outcome you so desperately want. I would have loved another chance but never got the opportunity, just the divorce. Come here often for support, for advice and to vent. We are all here in various stages and know exactly what you are feeling! I am here to tell you that there is life after divorce if you end up on that path, it just takes time to get there. Hugs!

Brilliantly stated "Old Biker" and very very wise and true advise. I am separating after 26 years of marriage . We grew apart as the saying goes.. I reached out to him 5 weeks ago to try and break the walls down and rebuild ,, didn't even finish my sentence when he jumped on the ride out.. said there is nothing between us and separating was the right thing to do .. To me at this time I am sad but I can only take small doses at a time .. Perhaps I waited to late to reach out but in my heart I know I did reach out and I have to find peace in that as I go ...

I sympathize completely. Just this last New Years Eve I was confronted by my wife's emotional affair with a an old high school friend on Facebook. When I confronted her it was that I was blowing it out of proportion and that they were just friends exchanging flirty texts. Well, my wife was back home in Michigan taking care of her ill father when I found that her and her 'friend' were spending a great deal of time together. Finally, it comes out in the wash they now have 'feelings' for each other and she wants a legal separation.

I'm with you man, I don't want to give up on this marriage. We've invested so much into our kids, our new house, and our overall life that I couldn't possibly imagine not, at the very least, trying to make this work. But, unfortunately, she says that she doesn't feel that we can work and that she's not ready to be hurt by me and my 'emotional unavailability' (the whole reason for the emotional affair).

The last time I spoke to her was last week going over the separation agreement. Since she doesn't have a job right now and I pointed out that she would be responsible for her own bills, she hasn't spoken to me since knowing that she can't afford them on her own.

I want to make this work. I know she's caught up in these 'feelings' which aren't grounded in any type of reality, and I believe that we can come out of this a stronger married couple. But, like everyone has said, I can't do it alone. She's not ready to commit yet and I'm just kind of here looking at the damage in its wake.

I hope for the best for you, friend. This type of pain isn't supposed to be felt by ANYONE except those who would even consider causing this type of pain to someone else.