Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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confused14 09/10/2023

After 20 years of marriage I got divorced. We made it as simple as possible with the split, I gave her the house without having to buy me out, we have a 50/50 split with the kids and I basically started from scratch with a house and furniture etc. so here's the thing, I still pay for her phone, car insurance, house insurance, electric bill, garbage, internet and cable. Trying to help her out. I find out she is seeing someone 6months after the divorce. To me it's to soon anyway but should I stop paying for things? She goes places with friends while I can't because of the money situation, I would like to reconsile because I still love her but I don't think she wants anything to do with me in that aspect. I never did anything to her other then pulling away because of stress and family issues, which after a discussion with her found out that I hurt her in that way and I never realized that I was doing that. I'm looking for thoughts on the situation and some advise on what I should do?

Lifereallysucks 09/10/2023

You have to pay for all of that in the divorce papers?

Stop thinking of getting back together.

Stay strong and focus on yourself.

confused14 09/10/2023

No, it’s not part of the divorce, I am helping her out and I was fine with that until I found out she is seeing somebody. She says she can’t do it without me. So this is where I’m torn.

serenityspeaks 09/10/2023

Well really the guy thing shouldn’t matter. Because they petty I pay for all this, but you shouldnt date anyone so now I don’t want too. You are divorced she is free to do whatever she pleases. As well as you.

Now without adding that in should you be paying all that? Nope you should not. You are divorced. She needs to learn to be more self sufficient as a single mom. It was generous for her to keep house and all that. I assume also child support. You are choosing to not be able to afford to do things by paying all that. So I guess you need to decide when you had enough. Because you are paying a lot there.

confessionsofaqueen 09/10/2023

Wow!

hasty_05 09/10/2023

So, is your name still on the mortgage to the house with her? If she stops paying, your credit gets dinged.

I hear a lot of guilt. You are paying for things because money is your love language.

Whether or not she dates or you date, you chose to divorce. Maybe you regret that?

Stop looking at this with rose colored glasses. Focus on why you pulled away from her. You had to have reasons why the marriage wasn’t good or you got depressed and made bad choices. She is not your possession and is moving forward in her life. She needs to pay her own way and you pay child support. If you are not fully divorced, you likely owe paying some of the bills if your income is much higher. Figure out your guilt.

confused14 09/10/2023

She divorced me, I wanted to work on our relationship. I have told her I will not stand in her way to move on with her life, which she is doing. I feel she should be doing that on her own. She calls and texts her new man from the phone I am paying for and drives to his house on the car insurance I am paying for. If she made the decision to move on then move on completely without my help. This is where I’m torn I don’t want to see her struggle because she is the mother of my children but I feel she should wait until she is 100% dependent on her own to head down that road. I am not trying to pocess her or stand in her way to a better life, I am feeling used and I’m trying to figure out how to move forward.

confused14 09/10/2023

And there is no child support that was part of our agreement in the divorce,because we make the same salary and have 50/50 custody.

Lifereallysucks 09/10/2023

Cut the open checkbook and if needed close that account and open yourself a new one.

Get those bills out of you name.

Focus on your healing and getting stronger

Don't worry about her moving on. She made that decision when wanting the divorce and not working on things.

GirlinCalif 09/10/2023

Sounds to me that you continue to pay all of those bills, in *hope* of keeping some kind of connection with her, and that she *might* come back to you.

That's understandable to think that way. But the sad truth is she's already moved on, 6 months with this guy is pretty serious, and so she does not want to reconcile the marriage. Unfortunately. I'm sorry.

Do you have a formal divorce decree? Through a lawyer? Of what you are responsible legally to continue paying for?

confused14 09/10/2023

Yes, I think you are somewhat correct in saying that I hope to get back together. She hasn’t been seeing him for 6 months. She started seeing him 6 months after our divorce and she said she is taking it extremely slow. Yes, we do have a formal divorce decree and I am not legally responsible to pay anything, we did not want the divorce to be messy for the kids sake. I took my personal things and I left her everything else and said I would help paying for things so she wouldn’t struggle paying bills.

steppingovertheedge 09/12/2023

You would be a lot less confused if you STOPPED paying for all these things for your ex-wife who divorced you and is not interested in reconciling.

Damn, have some self respect and tell her to go pound sand - or her new guy. By the way, it's highly likely that she was seeing him earlier than you think.

Now go get your respect and honor back and cancel all of those payments. What a disgrace. Women treat men like shit because we let them - stop letting them! Your quote: "I took my personal things and I left her everything else and said I would help paying for things so she wouldn’t struggle paying bills." She gets to have her cake and eat it too. How nice.

Time to work on the new you. And forget about her completely.

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