I have read on DS how many of you have had first-hand experience being married to a narcissist I am just beginning to become fully aware of the extent of abusive behavior my recently diagnosed stbx subjected me and my children to over the years. I am embarrassed that I tolerated so much; I guess I just really wanted to make my marriage work, and so I just worked harder whenever he showed bad behavior.
I am learning more about this personality disorder, but I was curious what the roller-coaster ride looked like for you guys. My stbx is detached and cool one minute (acts like he cant stand to be in my presence), then hes calling me at all hours of the day and night because he is so lonely and doesnt think he can do this (youre the only woman I have ever loved, I wanted to grow old with you, blah, blah, blah). And he is constantly pressuring me for a physical relationship (probably because he doesnt have any other options right now??). I am setting limits (definitely no to the physical stuff) but I also want to be cautious until the divorce is final (should be by June) because he can be a really vindictive guy. Will it take him getting a girlfriend for him to really move on (I have encouraged him to do this- although I feel guilty because I know what he will do to her life), or do they still come back when they need something? It is so obvious now when he is trying to butter me up I would have loved to hear these things when we were together- now they make my skin crawl. I now understand that his words are just a means to an end for him they are not really coming from a caring place. I am trying really hard to move on (I am trying to look at him like he is an entirely different man- not the man I married)- because now that I see him for who he really is, I dont really like him anymore. I have to admit though; his hot and cold behavior can still hurt me- although I really just dont want to care anymore. This is so confusing!!!
Any insight would be greatly appreciated!